Two Gentlemen of Lebowski, by William Shakespeare and the Brothers Coen

[MarchHare]

I've been laughing at this all morning. Enjoy!

http://www.runleiarun.com/lebowski/

THE KNAVE
It was of consequence, I should think; verily, it tied the room together, gather’d its qualities as the sweet lovers’ spring grass doth the morning dew or the rough scythe the first of autumn harvests. It sat between the four sides of the room, making substance of a square, respecting each wall in equal harmony, in geometer’s cap; a great reckoning in a little room. Verily, it transform’d the room from the space between four walls presented, to the harbour of a man’s monarchy.

WALTER
Indeed, a rug of value; an estimable rug, an honour’d rug; O unhappy rug, that should live to cover such days!

DONALD
Of what dost thou speak, that tied the room together, Knave? Take pains, for I would well hear of that which tied the room together.

WALTER
Didst thou attend the Knave’s tragic history, Sir Donald?

DONALD
Nay, good Sir Walter, I was a-bowling.

WALTER
Thou attend’st not; and so thou hast no frame of reference. Thou art as a child, wandering and strutting amidst the groundlings as a play is in session, heeding not the poor players, their exits and their entrances, and, wanting to know the subject of the story, asking which is the lover and which the tyrant.

THE KNAVE
Come to the point, Sir Walter.

WALTER
My point, then, Knave; there be no reason, if sweet reason doth permit, in enlightenment’s bower—and reason says thou art the worthier man—

DONALD
Yes, Sir Walter, pray, merrily state the fulcrum of thy argument.

THE KNAVE
My colleague, although unfram’d and unreferenc’d, speaks plain and true. That these toughs are those at fault, we are agreed; that I stand wounded, unrevenged, we likewise are agreed; yet you circle the meanings unconstantly, like blunted burrs, unstuck where they are thrown.

WALTER
I speak of aggression uncheck’d, as crowned heads of state once spoke of Arabia—

DONALD
Arabia! Then we have put a girdle round the earth. Of what does Sir Walter speak?

WALTER
Cast it from thy sievelike books of memory, Sir Donald; thou art out of thy element.

[Locke]

Awesome. Simply awesome.

'Nay, I was a-bowling..'

[worth]

That would be something to see.