Support payments - Part II (first thread is closed)

[Fuzzy McGillicuddy]

I don't know why the first thread is now closed. Is somebody trying to stifle debate?

Buzzard's Wife said: im so sick of dads that complain about having to give their kids a decent lifestyle

I'm sick of people who see dads as a wallet. Courts don't take into consideration what mom earns. If kids go on to university, dads are still required to pay support. Yet, parents who are still together are under no such obligation.

Most dads do want what's best for their kids. But the system is stacked against dads.

[MelBridgeman]

That and i know of one mother who used daddy's child support to entertain her new boyfriend, and made daughter by her own tooth paste at age 13..

[Gozer]

[jeremywilhelm]

The court system is ridiculous. It is almost automatic that the mother gets custody.

[Buff]

The other one was probably locked because it was bumped from over three years ago.

My sister-in-law gets crap for money from the fathers of her children. It is somewhat amusing because her ex-husband used to complain about how little the father of her oldest kid paid in child support (under $200/month). Just as soon as they start trying to concieve she got pregnant and he assumed she was cheating and filed for divorce (he thinks it takes several times to get pregnant I guess... I suspect he was actually cheating but this is all beside the point). So now that he agrees that the kid is his he pays child support but pays even less than the other feller pays and complains that it is too much! Such double standards.

[photon]

Originally Posted by Fuzzy McGillicuddy

Is somebody trying to stifle debate?

Oh please... Yeah the moderation team decided that any criticism about alimony payments need to be squashed.

Bumping very old threads is discouraged unless there's a reasonable reason for them to be bumped, discussions have a context and bumping an old thread misses that usually, so a new thread is usually better.

Whoever closed it could have put a note in it saying as much, but it's pretty customary on forums.

[troutman]

For every deadbeat mom, there are ten deadbeat dads.

I think that the Courts have moved to more joint/shared custody, and sole custody is becoming the exception.

I detect a significant amount of misogyny in these threads.

[Dion]

Years ago my sister went through a nasty divorce where her ex was cheating on her. In the end she got custody of the kids. Child support payments were never on time and he also shown blatant favouritism to my niece. He has helped to pay for her post secondary education but will do nothing for my nephew. If I ever run into that SOB i'll drop him where he is standing.

[Locke]

In my line of work I deal with split families frequently and the subject of child custody is a regular occurrence, furthermore I deal with Alberta Enforcement Services in Edmonton regularly.

Do Dads get screwed? Yes. By a wide, wide margin. And whats worse is that, not only is this acknowledged by Enforcement, its become Policy.

I had a client who was paying an absolutely OBSCENE amount of support. And you know what? His daughter wasn't enrolled in anything, her mother refused to enroll her in anything that she wanted to be in, no sports, no art classes, hell, she REFUSED to sign her kid up for SWIMMING lessons. Why? Because it cost too much.

Bull, this guy was paying out more in support than I make in a year. He ended up putting his daughter through programs that she wanted to take on his own dime AFTER support payments. He even said he had no problems with paying the support if it actually went to his daughter. He would have rather made out cheques to her rather than her mother. Perhaps some form of trustee system is needed for extreme cases such as this.

But people have to realize something: Seriously, sometimes the Woman is wrong. You want to talk equality, then here it is: both people in a relationship have equal opportunity and likelihood of being complete Scum, the Woman isnt a total saint 100% of the time just because shes the one who squirted the kid out.

Thats all I'll say on the matter, I've dealt with it from both sides, and broad sweeping generalizations shouldnt be made based on stats like: "76.97% of the time the Father is a deadbeat!!!1! OMZG!!! Kill them with FIRE!!!"

Everything should be evaluated on a case by case basis on its own merits, and it isnt, screwing the Father is essentially Policy simply because he didnt deliver via Vaginal Canal.

[ben voyonsdonc]

I come from a family where my Dad disappeared for several years to avoid paying child support. He owed us over $50,000 and the way he reconnected with us was by a court order to try to escape even the amount that he was legally required to support us. I have no (absolutely none) sympathy for fathers who do not support their children to the fullest. I think that if you get a pay raise your children should see part of that as well.

If my parents hadn't divorced and my Dad got a pay raise, I would have seen a bump up in my standard of living...why should I, as a child of divorce, be deprived of that? I didn't choose to be part of a family that divorced.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Locke

In my line of work I deal with split families frequently and the subject of child custody is a regular occurrence, furthermore I deal with Alberta Enforcement Services in Edmonton regularly.

Do Dads get screwed? Yes. By a wide, wide margin. And whats worse is that, not only is this acknowledged by Enforcement, its become Policy.

I had a client who was paying an absolutely OBSCENE amount of support. And you know what? His daughter wasn't enrolled in anything, her mother refused to enroll her in anything that she wanted to be in, no sports, no art classes, hell, she REFUSED to sign her kid up for SWIMMING lessons. Why? Because it cost too much.

Bull, this guy was paying out more in support than I make in a year. He ended up putting his daughter through programs that she wanted to take on his own dime AFTER support payments. He even said he had no problems with paying the support if it actually went to his daughter. He would have rather made out cheques to her rather than her mother. Perhaps some form of trustee system is needed for extreme cases such as this.

But people have to realize something: Seriously, sometimes the Woman is wrong. You want to talk equality, then here it is: both people in a relationship have equal opportunity and likelihood of being complete Scum, the Woman isnt a total saint 100% of the time just because shes the one who squirted the kid out.

Thats all I'll say on the matter, I've dealt with it from both sides, and broad sweeping generalizations shouldnt be made based on stats like: "76.97% of the time the Father is a deadbeat!!!1! OMZG!!! Kill them with FIRE!!!"

Everything should be evaluated on a case by case basis on its own merits, and it isnt, screwing the Father is essentially Policy simply because he didnt deliver via Vaginal Canal.

I'm so proud that the support payments that I give to your mom went towards your education junior . . . damn proud.

Bow shadup and get daddy a beer.

On a more serious note, I really like the idea of a trustee arrangement to make sure that the money is going to help out the child in terms of life style essentials, education and general well being.

I know that friends of mine who are paying support get frustrated over what the mother is spending the money on. I also think that the reasons why the seperation or divorce happening have nothing to do with the child and should have nothing to do with the decision for child support amounts, however I do think that the custody decision machine is badly broken and is something that probably needs to be revamped.

I've seen too many instances where custody is awarded to the mother and the type of mother that she is doesn't come into play in the decision.

Like Uhura said on Robot Chicken "Ummm I have a vagina"

[AnnoyedBear]

Most of the time you only hear of the worst case scenarios in the public.
I'm sure there are some who have no problems with their support payments.
Mind you I'm a single male with no kids so I can't speak for what runs through others minds when it comes to this kind of subject.

[Coach]

I am the product of divorced parents. They split when I was 16 so I was able to choose which parent I went with and after witnessing the blatant lies that my mom accused of my dad in order to reap as much money out of him as she possibly could it was a pretty easy choice for me. I couldn't believe some of the stuff she said. I offered to testify on behalf of my dad but he wouldn't let me because he didn't want us (me and my brothers) caught in the middle. I came from a wealthy family so the money my mom got from my dad was more than sufficient to keep her going so the amount she was asking for child support was a bit obscene. Because of this experience I obviously have a bias, but I definitely agree that this needs a serious looking at. Eventually me and both my brothers ended up living with my Dad and my Mom didnt have to pay any support because she had no income. They've been divorced for 5 years and she has yet to have a job for more than a month.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I'm so proud that the support payments that I give to your mom went towards your education junior . . . damn proud.

Bow shadup and get daddy a beer.

Its 11 o'clock in the morning you deadbeat scum.

Now shaddup and git yerselfs a gorram JOB!

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Locke

Its 11 o'clock in the morning you deadbeat scum.

Now shaddup and git yerselfs a gorram JOB!

Hey don't talk to your dad like this, I'm still big enough to take you behind the wood shed and beat the respect into you.

And calling radio show contests is a job, I don't know what universe you came from.

[Dion]

The other problem that can come up in child support is the hiding of income from the other parent. My sisters ex wasn't very bright and when the divorce preceedings were going on she was still gettting his bank statements after he moved out. She opened up one to discover he was hiding some 401k's from her. Things did not go well for him afterwards.

[Acid Rush]

Isn't there supposed to be a divorce settlement? My son's friend is a product of divorce but this time his Dad got full custody and the Mom can have them every other week. The Dad pays for everything (no child support from the MOm since she doesn't have a permanent job). It's a good thing that the Dad has a family (his parents and sister) that also supports them. Sometimes financially and emotionally as well. The Dad doesn't want to complain because he wants his kids to respect their Mom and they don't want the kids hating their Mom.

[ben voyonsdonc]

Originally Posted by Dion

The other problem that can come up in child support is the hiding of income from the other parent.

My Dad tried to pull the same stunt in court. He was doing under the table work - a very significant amount - and tried to keep it away from the court. He ended up getting caught and it didn't go well for him either. He also tried to paint my Mom as an unfit mother. He didn't succeed at that either. Thankfully.

[burn_this_city]

Its funny so many men appear hesitant to pit the kids against the mom. But I've seen many examples where the mom does the opposite.

[JustAnotherGuy]

I have been divorced for about 7 years now. I have shared custody with my daughter. My ex is the primary care giver. I pay xxx child support per month. That covers absolutely everything for my daughter. I have my daughter with me 50% of the time.

If an extra-ordinary expense comes up I discuss with my ex about it and we come to an agreement. The ex and I have never had any disagreements about money for our daughter.

We both want what is best for our daughter. We have no other motivation. We aren't out to get something from the ex.

Note. I can't stand the ex. lol.. I can't be in a room longer than 10 minutes without her bugging me. But we do agree on one thing. How we treat our daughter since we have divorced.