So, I'm the father of the bride

[MoneyGuy]

I'm going to be the father of the bride for a wedding coming up in six or seven months. My little girl's getting hitched. I'm happy. The missus and I can afford to foot a hefty wedding bill. I'm wondering what normally happens.

To those who are married or have experience with this, how much does a wedding cost these days? How much do parents normally put toward a wedding? (I don't buy this bride's-family-pays thing and I won't change my mind when it's my son's turn.) Do the families normally pay for certain things, like the bride's family pays for the dress and the groom's family pays for the tux? What do you do when one side car afford to contributea lot and the other side cannot? What's fair?

I have lots of questions but I'll start with those and I look forward to seeing what you experts want to contribute.

Cash donations for this will be gratefully accepted. I also accept cheques and PayPal.

[Yeah_Baby]

Weddings, first thing I've learned is there are no uniform social conventions.

[CrusaderPi]

I can't believe you're posting this here. Probably didn't want to crush Carson, eh.

[flylock shox]

The more you pay for, the more you can justify a vitriolic drunken father-of-the-bride wedding speech.

So I guess the question becomes: how much anger is inside you, how drunk do you want to get, and how much are you willing to pay for the privilege of letting fly?

[CMPunk]

Mine was great and cost under 7 grand. The folks contributed a $1000. They also paid for our hotel for the night before the wedding and the wedding night

[killer_carlson]

my wife and I were fortunate to have both our respective parents chip in for the wedding.

Our parents each contributed a set amount, which was equal to each other. My wife and I picked up the rest. It worked out to about 40% for each of our parents and my wife and I had the final 20%.

My suggestion would be to pick an amount, and tell your daughter that you're happy for her to have her big day and that she has a lot of planning to do. You're able to give her $5,000, or $10,000.00 or $50,000 (or whatever) and she can put that towards a big fancy wedding or she can do a small one and keep some money for the honeymoon or whatever.

That lets the couple retain control over the wedding and keeps the parents out of having to do scheduling or getting in the way of the happy couple's plans.

[dre]

Our wedding cost $4500. Alcohol was paid by my parents $1500, and my wife's
parents gave us $1500. It was a great party.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

If it was an asian wedding. 100% paid for by friends and family. Many of my friends actually made money from their weddings lol.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by TheyCallMeBruce

If it was an asian wedding. 100% paid for by friends and family. Many of my friends actually made money from their weddings lol.

So what you're saying is, I need to meet a nice Asian girl?

[Peanut]

My parents (bride's parents) gave us $10,000. His parents gave us $5,000. They both contributed what they felt comfortable with.

The parental money covered 50-60% of the costs. We paid for the rest ourselves.

And congrats, by the way!!

[Maritime Q-Scout]

I haven't paid for a wedding, and am not going to be any time in the near future.

However, I'm sure your daughter had envisioned something since she was a little girl. What I would do is probe the happy couple of what they would like, then look at how much it's going to cost.

Overall it's tough to gauge, some people want a small wedding, some big. Some want a home town wedding, some down south, some travel somewhere nice or picturesque.

Best tip I can suggest is get a good emcee for the reception.

That said, I'm willing to do it for free. I just ask for airfare, hotel, meals and alcohol supplied along with two ticket to either the Flames or Stampeders depending on the time of year.

Seriously, free emcee! Right there, expense taken care of!

[Russic]

In my group of friends the weddings tend to cost around 9-12 grand. My parents paid 33% as did my wife's parents and ourselves. I guess it boils down to the situation of your daughter and her guy.

[Sylvanfan]

My wife's parents got stiffed with a pretty good sized tab for our wedding. The type of thing where my Mother in law promised my wife a wedding of whatever she wanted when she was a little girl, and my wife not being nice enough to let her off the hook. I really don't like asking my parents for money, but they did foot the bill for dinner and the reception. Wife's folks helped out with flowers, the dress, part of the photographer, and some other fee's. All in all our wedding ended up being around $11000 I think. Than again we were pretty cheap as we didn't rent vehicles, my wife made the wedding cake. I felt bad though as I have a much bigger family than my wife as my dad had 10 siblings and my mom has 4. About 65 of my relatives showed up...she only has 7 relatives she keeps any type of contract with.

If I could do it again though...wedding in Vegas or Mexico. Would have been much simpler and a lot less stress. When the caterer screws up orders and doesn't serve the right tables as they were instructed, and the DJ starts being a jerk things aren't so special!

As for the dresses, and tuxes, any wedding I've ever been involved in, the guys pay for their own tux, and the bridesmaides pay for their own dresses. The couple getting wed are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner too, and any gifts for the people in the wedding party.

[TheU]

wtf ... i ahte chris pronger as a tag? go esks go? huh?

[DOK]

There is a tradition that the brides family pays for everything, but it's a little outdated.

You could offer a certain amount of money and let them do what they want with it, or you can go along with them and see how much they are choosing and pay along the way until you are comfortable.

Looks to me like pricing is wide open. My circles weddings are average $20,000. One of the biggest costs can be the photographer, professional wedding photographers can start at $2,000 and go up to $10,000 (or more). Of course you can get family or a friend, but if you go to the wedding show, this is what the going rate is, average $3,500. Dress $300 - $1,500 depending where you go. Dinners $30 - $80 a plate depending on location, average $60. Tux rental $150. There are just so many little bits extra that really add up, veil can be $100, sparkling head band $75, shoes $50, flowers $600, cake $350 (plus a $5 a head cake cutting charge), church $200 donation, reception room charge $1,000. Seat covers $20 a chair, centre pieces $70 a table, invitations $6 an invite.

It can really go anywhere depending where you do it and how you want to do it. Many of these things can be done on the cheap or not at all. Just telling numbers as I remember it. Depending on how many guests can change the price a lot, but generally people will spend more if there are less people and less if there are more people, so it can be not much different that way.

[Jedi Ninja]

Personally, I would let them know that you plan on giving them a gift of a certain amount of money for their wedding, but not offer to pay for anything directly. This only works if you and your wife are OK with having a hands-off approach to the arrangements for the wedding. If you expect a certain number of guests from the bride's family to be invited to the wedding, you should make this clear at the same time as you pledge your gift, and factor this into the amount you give.* The only situation in which you should be expected to pay for the whole wedding is if you (your wife) want significant say or control over the planning of the wedding.

EDIT: * In terms of the amount -- if there is a tradition, these days, it would be to give a gift that covers at least the cost of the reception for the bride's side of the family, if you can afford it.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Originally Posted by Yeah_Baby

So what you're saying is, I need to meet a nice Asian girl?

It only works if both are asian. Then both family and friends will contribute only money which is sometimes enough to cover both wedding and honeymoon, AND extra spending money. Doesn't work too well if one partner is of another race.

[PYroMaNiaC]

Traditionally, the groom and his family pick up the tab for the tux, rehersal dinner, flowers, honeymoon and liquor. The brides family picks up the tab for the rest.

In this day and age, though, things are more flexible depending on circumstances. Friends of mine offered cash to their daughter for either a big, splashy wedding or a substantial down payment for a home with a small, informal wedding. Their daughter chose the splashy wedding out at the Banff Springs Hotel and although I don't know the exact figures, I could make a pretty good guess at about $50 000.

I had a budget of $5000. We celebrated with almost 200 guests - basically threw a big party. Had a toonie bar, my Dad's famous roast beef, and had an amazing day, all without a single complaint about the lack of centerpieces.

It all depends on what and where she wants it. The best piece of advice I can give is sit down with her and her fiance. Find out the general idea of what they want and write the cheque. She'll come and ask if she needs help or advice and you'll look really smart and generous all the while maintaining your sanity and preventing arguments.

[Ren]

All you need for a successful wedding is someone you caught in the act with your daughter, a shotgun, a man dressed like Elvis, and a witness. Forget all this superfluous nonsense.

[Antithesis]

Our wedding ended up being about $7000 or so, and we had a good party for about 150 people or so. My wife and our Moms did a lot of the decorating work, we didn't buy a lot of flowers (seriously - EXPENSIVE)nand had a family friend's son who was learning to be a baker or something make our cake.

Our split was about 40% from each set of parents and 20% from us. They all gave us a cheque and said that we could use it for the wedding or whatever we wanted. We understood this meant they had a say in how things went - but it all worked out just fine.