He does movie reviews pretending to have Tourette Syndrome.
Honestly, I like it but I am mildly shocked at it as well. What do you guys think? Are conditions like these completely off limits or is it okay to have a little fun with them?
Below is his first entry (there are some swears in it so I'm going to let the CP filter take them out but I'm sure you'll get the idea).
http://ihaveacondition.wordpress.com/
Is District 9 an instant sci-fi classic? I say, “NEIN!” STORM
October 15, 2009 by Special K
NA NA NA NA NA NA… FACE. Harrumph…excuse me. I have a medical condition. District 9 is director Neil Blomkamp’s sci-fi tirade about the failings of United Nations-run refugee camps, with a few clever action sequences thrown in to get the film wide distribution. Anyone Google Darfur lately? Still awful? Let’s move on.
Sure, I get it, Neil. You think Sudanese refugee accommodations are more akin to prison camps than smores-and-sing-along camps – and possibly more cramped and less safe than the shanty towns refugees build for themselves. TENDER BEAVER MONKEY HOLE I know…I know you think refugees live under the continuous threat of violence from unaccountable peacekeepers and exploitative warlords. I’m well informed. I read The Onion once in a while.
BRAAAA….I CAN CONTROL IT. I CAN CONTROL IT. I CUN…CUN…CUN. But explain to me, Neil, for the sake of plausibility, why would any civilization capable of mastering space travel choose Africa – the Dark Continent where nobody gets along – as a refuge from a home world destroyed by war. Nostalgia?
Surely, the aliens couldn’t expect a warm welcome. Many African countries have a history of inclusiveness only when it came to putting a gun in the hand of every pot-bellied orphan and more than their fair share of domestic refugees.
As every race on the African continent is required to have its own slur, the United Nations coined “prawn” for the international racist lexicon because the aliens’ exoskeleton made them look like giant shellfish. DUR DUR DUR POH POH POH… ROBOT NIPPLES. Sorry…local militia men ate a few of the aliens during the movie so I think the U.N. nailed it.
In the Bizzaro District 9 world, the beings with the most advanced weaponry are the ones living in squalid refugee camps. In reality, everyone knows that in Africa machete beats fist, gun beats machete, RPG beats gun BIG BIG FLOPPY TITTY GUNS and so on. The aliens in District 9 were armed to their scaly mandibles with weapons that shoot PISS FIRE lighting that turns soldiers into piles of bloody goo, yet they subsist by rooting through piles of garbage like stray dogs.
At one point, I watched dumbfounded as one of the refugees traded an alien weapon to a local warlord for cans of cat food and cow skulls to feed his scaly family. DONKEY SHOW DUH DUH DONKEY SHOW VAGINA ###### Now here’s a better idea for any advanced interplanetary species that may be monitoring this communication: fire the people-exploding-lightening gun at the militia man with the most gold teeth. Then demand the guy selling the cow heads cooks you and a guest a couple of porterhouse steaks lest you explode him, while his gang of thugs sing harmonies during your dinner for ambience. COW EAT STEAK FOOD…BALLS
No, no we are supposed to believe the now pacifist prawns are so traumatized by the destruction of their own home world that they refuse to pick up their weaponry to better their desperate situation on Earth. MED MED MED MED MED. (Gulp)…thank you. That is until one of the prawns learns that (gasp!) the refugee camp the United Nations built for the prawns might not be so great. So he or she – probably it – kills a whole whack of United Nations soldiers on its way back to the alien mothership on which it intends to escape. This highly entertaining scene was the only point in the movie where the indifferent bureaucrat CREEPY UNCLE who was in charge of relocating the aliens to the new camp actually helps them out. Not out of selflessness or due to some moral epiphany mind you, but because an alien infection was slowly turning his body into a prawn.
Overall, District 9 was a fairly entertaining sci-fi, socio-political, activist hodgepodge of a film. Unfortunately, its clever mix of mockumentary and sci-fi genres – and a great performance by Sharlto Copley as the one-third bureaucrat, one-third human, one-third prawn – was smothered by the not-at-all-subtle message to throw down your popcorn and go save Darfur. And this movie wasn’t funny, I skimmed at least half-a-dozen reviews that said this movie was hilarious. Overall I give it three WHORES out of 5. Wait for it to CUM CUM FACE SHOT out on video.
Friend started a blog; Horribly offensive to Tourette's sufferers or comic gold?
