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Old 08-07-2009, 11:11 AM   #1
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Default GI JOE: Rise of the Cobra Review Thread

So I went to the sneak preview last night. I went with super low expectations as it looked like maybe one of the worst movies ever made. While it wasn't the worst, it definitely wasn't all that good.

There were plenty of things that irritated me about the movie, but having said that, it did hold my interest for the majority. Some things I couldn't get past were:

Terribly mis-cast: Marlon Wayans is just a bad actor and how he got this gig is beyond me. He was there for comic relief, but was NEVER FUNNY!!! Sienna Miller, while looking smoking hot in the movie, couldn't pull off the bad chick. Channing Tatum was meh as Duke. Dennis Quaid was very ordinary, but this movie didn't really call for tour de force performances.

Bad Special Effects: I really have no idea where they spent their budget. The effects for the most part were really cheesy and didn't look good at all. Some of the aerial shots and fighter jets were very poorly done and looked really mickey mouse.

The plot was very simple, the dialougue was very pedestrian, but I think this was by design. I truly believe they were on the right track with trying to make the tone similar to the old cartoons.

The one thing that really irked me though was the ridiculous technology they tried to implement. Before the movie, they threw out the line of "In the not too distant future......" I could be wrong, but I don't believe this was in the cartoon. Correct me if I'm wrong, I was very young. But by saying it was in the distant future, to me, seemed like a total cop out to get away with some of the absolute crap they wanna get away with. The Super Suits you see in the preview is only a part of the problem. Their gadgets make James Bonds look medieval. I have no problem letting my imagination do lots of work, but the makers of this want you to go to a totally different level. It's ridiculous.


Overall, I give this a very generous 5.5/10.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:13 AM   #2
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Now I know its a rent at home movie.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:14 AM   #3
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Now I know its a rent at home movie.
haha, yeah I think I'll do the same too
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:22 AM   #4
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Just watching the trailer, the super suits in it was enough for me to not pay money to see it.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:24 AM   #5
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Now I know its a rent at home movie.
And knowing is half the battle
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:26 AM   #6
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Just watching the trailer, the super suits in it was enough for me to not pay money to see it.
Yeah, the super suits was a big thumbs down for me, but thankfully, they only use them for one major scene.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:27 AM   #7
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:27 AM   #8
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Speaking of super suits. Has anyone every played crackdown for 360. I have the demo and I like it, but I don't know if I will like the slower upgrading in the real game. Just trying to decide if I want to buy the game.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:27 AM   #9
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It all went downhill after they turned Joe into some vegetarian UN force.

Where are my special forces fighting for freedom wherever there is trouble. Protecting Americas oil interests overseas.

Where is my Cooooooobraaaaa hiding nukes in Rocket burger locations.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:31 AM   #10
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You also forgot to mention Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander. The nerdy kid from third rock from the sun as as the head of an international terrorsit ring?

Granted he wears a mask, but the kid doesn't have the chops.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:34 AM   #11
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You also forgot to mention Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander. The nerdy kid from third rock from the sun as as the head of an international terrorsit ring?

Granted he wears a mask, but the kid doesn't have the chops.
Yep, the whole thing was horribly cast.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:35 AM   #12
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They should make a real GI Joe movie without those stupid high-tech suits. That alone will keep me from watching this movie.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:10 PM   #13
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Well thank you for saving me $12.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:12 PM   #14
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I heard the studio would not screen the movie for critics, so they knew it was a stinker.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/gi_joe/

Last edited by troutman; 08-07-2009 at 12:15 PM.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:12 PM   #15
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Just getting gutted on Rotten Tomatoes.

Its funny because they all say the same thing "Team America World Police" did it better.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:14 PM   #16
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I heard the studio would not screen the movie for critics, so they knew it was a stinker.
They screened it for fan boys, who are now in a rage about the low ratings. They're so angry that they need to take out their aggression by dressing up like Klingons and robbing convienience stores with their Bath'leth or whatever the hell they use.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:16 PM   #17
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You can just tell by the commercials that this movie is complete garbage. Looks worse than most straight to DVD releases.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:19 PM   #18
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This makes me very sad to hear. I grew up playing with G.I. Joe's and was really excited to hear they were making this movie back when they announced its creation. But, I started to think and hope that all you guys said would not happen to this movie. Thanks for the heads up.

I hate it when film-makers try to take something so simple, and with todays technology could turn this movie into something special. But no, they have to go and screw it all up from top to bottom.

Someone should be fired! Anyone, i dont care.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:21 PM   #19
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I knew this was gonna be bad, it looked terrible in the previews. When I first heard a new G.I. Joe movie was coming out I was pumped. But once I saw the preview I lost all interest in it. I think I'll pass on this one.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:27 PM   #20
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But was it worst then Transformers?
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