03-01-2009, 08:16 AM
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#1
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Threadkiller
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: 51.0544° N, 114.0669° W
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F my Life
A sample:
Today, I was at a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while uninating and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML
http://www.fmylife.com/
Last edited by ricosuave; 03-01-2009 at 11:02 AM.
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The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to ricosuave For This Useful Post:
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03-01-2009, 09:14 AM
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#2
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Crash and Bang Winger
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Thanks! I needed a good does of Schadenfreude today.
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03-01-2009, 09:24 AM
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#3
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Threadkiller
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: 51.0544° N, 114.0669° W
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"wow, those germans have a word for everything!"
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03-01-2009, 09:31 AM
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#4
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Crash and Bang Winger
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haha... They certainly do. My favorite so far:
"Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML"
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03-01-2009, 09:34 AM
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#5
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Guest
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At first glance I thought it said "f my wife" 
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03-01-2009, 09:44 AM
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#6
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Calgary
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Great time to guilt trip anna suave into a massage IMO.
men must take these opportunities (lemons) and turn them into lemonade (sex)
__________________
MYK - Supports Arizona to democtratically pass laws for the state of Arizona
Rudy was the only hope in 08
2011 Election: Cons 40% - Nanos 38% Ekos 34%
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03-01-2009, 12:21 PM
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#7
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Powerplay Quarterback
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: East London
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Quote:
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Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
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Ouch!
__________________
“Such suburban models are being rationalized as ‘what people want,’ when in fact they are simply what is most expedient to produce. The truth is that what people want is a decent place to live, not just a suburban version of a decent place to live.”
- Roberta Brandes Gratz
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03-01-2009, 03:04 PM
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#8
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wins 10 internets
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: slightly to the left
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some of these are gold
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Today, after working for my company for 10 years, my co-workers threw me a farewell party. The boss gave quite an eloquent speech, ending in "we're really gonna miss you Mark." My name is Evan. FML
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03-01-2009, 04:24 PM
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#9
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Redundant Minister of Redundancy
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Montreal
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Quote:
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Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML
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Poor guy. I'd want to burn my eyes out if I ever saw anything like that.
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03-01-2009, 04:25 PM
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#10
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Missed the bus
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This is totally me when I'm a Dad.
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Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML
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Last edited by alltherage; 03-01-2009 at 04:39 PM.
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03-01-2009, 05:20 PM
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#11
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Crash and Bang Winger
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Thank you for this! Awesome way to kill a few minutes here and there.
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Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
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03-01-2009, 05:45 PM
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#12
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
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Hilarious site!
__________________
Huge thanks to Dion for the signature!
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03-01-2009, 07:55 PM
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#13
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Backup Goalie
Join Date: Oct 2001
Exp: 
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Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML
wow that one is brilliant and so funny, i cant believe the witty remark
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03-01-2009, 08:26 PM
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#14
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wittyusertitle
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
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Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML
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Oh man, that is fantastic.
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03-01-2009, 08:28 PM
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#15
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Vancouver
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Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML
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LOL classic move
__________________
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03-01-2009, 08:38 PM
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#16
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Scoring Winger
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Edmonton
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haha oh these made me laugh:
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Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML
Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML
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03-01-2009, 09:00 PM
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#17
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Ben
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: God's Country (aka Cape Breton Island)
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This one made me laugh a very evil laugh out loud:
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Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML
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I would love to use the line mentioned in this one someday:
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Today, while working my cash register a man who was 6’3” came in dressed really nice and ordered. After he ordered I asked why he was dressed so nice he responded ”I’m going to court for stalking pretty girls like you”. Our nametags have full names. FML
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__________________
"Calgary Flames is the best team in all the land" - My Brainwashed Son
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03-01-2009, 09:06 PM
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#18
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Vancouver
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^^^ I was just reading the jesus pin one....thats a good one
__________________
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03-01-2009, 09:07 PM
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#19
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Ben
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: God's Country (aka Cape Breton Island)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MattyC
^^^ I was just reading the jesus pin one....thats a good one
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Yeah, I might have to do that to my brother when I head out west to visit him. 
__________________
"Calgary Flames is the best team in all the land" - My Brainwashed Son
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03-01-2009, 09:30 PM
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#20
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I'll get you next time Gadget!
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Hahaha, what a great site. There seems to be a lot of cheaters out there, and a lot of people having really bad sex.
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Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML
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Oh and...
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Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a Moderator, instead, I got banned. FML
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