12-30-2008, 06:57 PM
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#1
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Playboy Mansion Poolboy
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Close enough to make a beer run during a TV timeout
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When Your Brain Comes to a Screeching Halt....
I heard a stand up comedian (possibly Lewis Black) talking about hearing things that not only make no sense whatsoever, but also make your brain come to a screeching halt. His example was a conversation he overheard when one lady said to another "If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have finished my last year of college."
Of course his delivery was great and got a nice big laugh.
Today I was watching Judge Judy (maybe that alone belongs in the confessions thread) and a lady was suing the person who had been house sitting for her. The house sitter brought a cat in, and the cat did a lot of damage; and damage to things that were hard to replace. There was a vase, antique curtains, and also a toilet seat. And this is what she said that brought my brain to a screeching halt:
"I am an underwater photographer, so I have a specialty toilet seat."
Ok, first of all does that make sense to anybody else? And does anybody have any brain screeching examples of their own to share?
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12-30-2008, 07:10 PM
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#2
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Clinching Party
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I was on the train once and some homeless guy with his back to me was "chatting up" a woman, telling her that he would like her phone number so he could call her up. She was trying her darndest to avoid giving this character her phone number and this went on for a few minutes.
It was an interesting conversation to begin with, but after it became obvious he wasn't going to get her number he said "I'm sorry I only have one eye".
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12-30-2008, 07:14 PM
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#3
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Franchise Player
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I always said "I can't hear you cuz the sun is in my eyes." to my friends when I didn't hear what they said and the sun was out... It makes no sense and it did bring some people's brains to a screeching halt
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12-30-2008, 07:18 PM
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#4
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Powerplay Quarterback
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My landlord tried to blame a plumbing problem on me lifting weights in my room...which would've made sense if I wasn't in the basement of the house. What, was I lifting enough weights to cause their own gravitational pull?
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12-30-2008, 09:14 PM
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#5
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: 110
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ken0042
Ok, first of all does that make sense to anybody else?
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Cat watched some fish
__________________
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12-30-2008, 09:40 PM
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#6
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Guest
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Customer: "Do you sell the keys to open luggage locks?"
(brain comes to a halt)
Me:"Uh, no. Because then anyone could get into anybody's luggage. That's why they're sold in sets... one lock, one key"
Customer:"Well that's all my niece asked for for christmas.... she lost her key"
Me:"Then I suggest bolt cutters"
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12-30-2008, 10:02 PM
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#7
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Powerplay Quarterback
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Oh, another thing my old landlord said that made me go "WTF?"
We asked her if we could have a cat, she answered with "No, cats make girls infertile!" she then went on a 50 minute rant about it. I was very confused.
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12-30-2008, 10:13 PM
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#8
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: sector 7G
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"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."
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The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to habernac For This Useful Post:
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12-31-2008, 12:12 AM
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#9
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One of the Nine
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I used to work at a gas station. One day a motorhome was at the air hose filling up his tires. I was pumping gas for someone and he asks me: "when is that guy going to be done?".
(brain screeching halt)
I thought about it for a second and replied "when his tires are full".
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12-31-2008, 12:36 AM
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#10
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Income Tax Central
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My brain screeches to a halt whenever 4x4 says something.
__________________
The Beatings Shall Continue Until Morale Improves!
This Post Has Been Distilled for the Eradication of Seemingly Incurable Sadness.
The World Ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. - Flames Fans
If you thought this season would have a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
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The Following User Says Thank You to Locke For This Useful Post:
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12-31-2008, 12:37 AM
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#11
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One of the Nine
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No, that's when I punch you in the face.
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The Following User Says Thank You to 4X4 For This Useful Post:
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12-31-2008, 12:38 AM
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#12
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Income Tax Central
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4X4
No, that's when I punch you in the face.
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Well, its been more than once....
Good times... 
__________________
The Beatings Shall Continue Until Morale Improves!
This Post Has Been Distilled for the Eradication of Seemingly Incurable Sadness.
The World Ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. - Flames Fans
If you thought this season would have a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
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12-31-2008, 12:40 AM
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#13
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One of the Nine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Locke
Well, its been more than once....
Good times... |
This is sooo asking for an "I'm your dad" joke...
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12-31-2008, 12:40 AM
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#14
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Celebrated Square Root Day
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4X4
No, that's when I punch you in the face.
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Stop trying to sound cool, cool guy!
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The Following User Says Thank You to jayswin For This Useful Post:
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12-31-2008, 12:45 AM
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#15
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One of the Nine
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But I am cool. Just ask MJK...
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12-31-2008, 12:48 AM
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#16
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: N/A
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Oh he is cool. The coolest guy around. My brain comes to a screeching halt when I walk out of a building and have second hand smoke jammed up my nose.
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The Following User Says Thank You to MJK For This Useful Post:
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12-31-2008, 12:49 AM
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#17
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One of the Nine
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Drama queen^
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12-31-2008, 12:49 AM
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#18
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Income Tax Central
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4X4
But I am cool. Just ask MJK...
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You should know better. There is no being right, or even reasonable in any threads that involve drinking, smoking, drugs, driving or any combination thereof.
You should know that by now.
I'm surprised they even let you on this board, I know they have an intensely scrutinizing screening process, and only Angels are allowed.
__________________
The Beatings Shall Continue Until Morale Improves!
This Post Has Been Distilled for the Eradication of Seemingly Incurable Sadness.
The World Ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. - Flames Fans
If you thought this season would have a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
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12-31-2008, 12:50 AM
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#19
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: N/A
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Time to get back on topic Mr. cool, the coolest guy in town.
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MJK For This Useful Post:
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12-31-2008, 12:59 AM
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#20
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Not a casual user
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: A simple man leading a complicated life....
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Angels are highly overated.
__________________
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