Disciplining young children

[Buff]

Everybody has different methods of disciplining their children. Most specifically parents allow their kids to get away with more or less than other parents. This is fine, to an extent.

My wife and I are constantly getting frustrated with how much/little her siblings discipline their kids (or in some cases how they do it). When we have family gatherings kids are going to have fun and get a bit wild, we accept that. However our oldest kid can get worked up quite a bit and usually we have to discipline him but only because one of his cousins was doing something to get him worked up that also needs to be disciplined. My brother in law thinks kids will be kids and to just let them be, and my sister in law is just oblivious to anything happening outside of 2 inches from herself. So we find ourselves disciplining our kid because his cousin's parents won't watch their own kids. My sister-in-laws idea of watching kids in a family gathering is to assume one of the other adults is doing it. My brother-in-law (different couple) just sits back and either shouts his kids names or says "Please don't" or both. Yeah, thats going to stop them.

My wife's parents often think we should just let our kids be and that we are too strict, yet on the same hand they always commend our kids for being so much more behaved. Our kids are awesome kids and very well behaved except when around kids who we believe could use a little more discipline.

Not saying our kids are angels and only misbehave around their cousins, because it happens with anothers as well, but it is just frustrating to have to discipline your kids because the other kids parents aren't doing their jobs.

Next week's rant: Parents who have to chip in when you are disciplining your kid (aka the over the shoulder discipliners).

[CaptainCrunch]

My parents generation called it the old 5 and 2.

Parents want to be their kids best friends in the whole wide world, they all want to be the cool parent.

My dad didn't want to be my friend, he was my dad.

We could be friends after I moved out of his house.

[Buff]

All of these kids are 5 and under. At this age you are their best friend, no matter how strict you are. I'm not worried about it. Give them good discipline now and there is a better chance of them being better behaved when they are in their teens.

[habernac]

Drives me crazy as well, Buff. Ours is two years old, always pushing the boundaries so we make sure he knows what's what. I'm lucky in that my sister believes in discipline as well, so her kids are no problem. Other kids on the other hand....

[Table 5]

I'm glad my parents were hard on me as a kid, I think it prevented me from becoming a snotty little turd. If i would ever act up in public, my mom would have absolutely no problem punishing me right there. I dotn think you even have to spank your kid...just let them think you will. Their imagination will do the rest of the work.....picturing the wrath of my father coming home when I did something wrong was always much worse than the actual punishment.

[Muta]

Hit them with a nail-studded 2x4.

[Ice]

My nephew has no discipline, he has total control of his parents. Its gotten to the point where we refuse to go anywhere in public with them. We took my mother-in-law to a really nice dinner for her birthday. It was her 60th and we wanted it to be special, so we booked a reservation at a restaurant on the beach, rented a limo to take everyone there and invited my sister-in-law (thus her husband and their son) to join. Her son ran out of the restaurant off the deck and on to the beach screaming. This was a really nice restaurant and the deck was a raised deck very close to the water. It was totally dangerous. Because he didn't want to sit and eat dinner, they stayed outside on the beach with him while he ran away from them trying to get to the water. It was ridiculous. Then on the way home, he screamed and cried in the limo for 45 minutes because the driver wouldn't stop at the dollar store and get him a power ranger. We all tried to explain to him that the dollar store was probably closed, but that just made him more angry and he screamed and cried the entire ride home. All the while his mom was rubbing his cheek, giving him affection because he was upset. After all the other experiences with them, it was the last time we have gone anywhere in public with them. The only exception is a picnic at a park, because they can chase him all day long and it won't affect me. I'm hoping now that he's in kindergarten he'll experience some discipline from his teacher that might translate to home. Oh, the best part. When we finally got home he started punching his mom for not getting him a power ranger so she went in to my inlaws house, got him a power ranger from the toybox there and told him "here, take this home and we'll get you a new power ranger tomorrow." Even my 10 year old looked at me and said "you've got to be kidding!"

My kids always knew what behavior was expected from them and they were never allowed to scream or make a scene in a restaurant. All kids, particularily babies and toddlers, have those times where they're upset and out of sorts. I've always found that taking them outside and settling them down out there was much better than disturbing other people who wanted to be able to eat dinner and have a conversation without have a screaming kid disturb their meal.

[LIP MAN]

Originally Posted by Ice

My nephew has no discipline, he has total control of his parents. Its gotten to the point where we refuse to go anywhere in public with them. We took my mother-in-law to a really nice dinner for her birthday. It was her 60th and we wanted it to be special, so we booked a reservation at a restaurant on the beach, rented a limo to take everyone there and invited my sister-in-law (thus her husband and their son) to join. Her son ran out of the restaurant off the deck and on to the beach screaming. This was a really nice restaurant and the deck was a raised deck very close to the water. It was totally dangerous. Because he didn't want to sit and eat dinner, they stayed outside on the beach with him while he ran away from them trying to get to the water. It was ridiculous. Then on the way home, he screamed and cried in the limo for 45 minutes because the driver wouldn't stop at the dollar store and get him a power ranger. We all tried to explain to him that the dollar store was probably closed, but that just made him more angry and he screamed and cried the entire ride home. All the while his mom was rubbing his cheek, giving him affection because he was upset. After all the other experiences with them, it was the last time we have gone anywhere in public with them. The only exception is a picnic at a park, because they can chase him all day long and it won't affect me. I'm hoping now that he's in kindergarten he'll experience some discipline from his teacher that might translate to home. Oh, the best part. When we finally got home he started punching his mom for not getting him a power ranger so she went in to my inlaws house, got him a power ranger from the toybox there and told him "here, take this home and we'll get you a new power ranger tomorrow." Even my 10 year old looked at me and said "you've got to be kidding!"

My kids always knew what behavior was expected from them and they were never allowed to scream or make a scene in a restaurant. All kids, particularily babies and toddlers, have those times where they're upset and out of sorts. I've always found that taking them outside and settling them down out there was much better than disturbing other people who wanted to be able to eat dinner and have a conversation without have a screaming kid disturb their meal.

There is another valid point, parents who don't discipline their kids expect the school system to parent for them! Knowing people in the teaching profession, and many of those who left, would say this is the number one complaint. Yes, teachers are there to help with the growing process but they are NOT there to teach your kids discipline and become another parent wholeheartedly when the parent isn't doing their job.

Granted, some kids have really bad parents (neglectful, abused) and putting the onus on the parents falls right out the window but hopefully a number of good programs and our social system and networks can somehow help with that, which is an entirely different topic.

Take care of yourselves, and each other..

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Ice

My nephew has no discipline, he has total control of his parents. Its gotten to the point where we refuse to go anywhere in public with them. We took my mother-in-law to a really nice dinner for her birthday. It was her 60th and we wanted it to be special, so we booked a reservation at a restaurant on the beach, rented a limo to take everyone there and invited my sister-in-law (thus her husband and their son) to join. Her son ran out of the restaurant off the deck and on to the beach screaming. This was a really nice restaurant and the deck was a raised deck very close to the water. It was totally dangerous. Because he didn't want to sit and eat dinner, they stayed outside on the beach with him while he ran away from them trying to get to the water. It was ridiculous. Then on the way home, he screamed and cried in the limo for 45 minutes because the driver wouldn't stop at the dollar store and get him a power ranger. We all tried to explain to him that the dollar store was probably closed, but that just made him more angry and he screamed and cried the entire ride home. All the while his mom was rubbing his cheek, giving him affection because he was upset. After all the other experiences with them, it was the last time we have gone anywhere in public with them. The only exception is a picnic at a park, because they can chase him all day long and it won't affect me. I'm hoping now that he's in kindergarten he'll experience some discipline from his teacher that might translate to home. Oh, the best part. When we finally got home he started punching his mom for not getting him a power ranger so she went in to my inlaws house, got him a power ranger from the toybox there and told him "here, take this home and we'll get you a new power ranger tomorrow." Even my 10 year old looked at me and said "you've got to be kidding!"

My kids always knew what behavior was expected from them and they were never allowed to scream or make a scene in a restaurant. All kids, particularily babies and toddlers, have those times where they're upset and out of sorts. I've always found that taking them outside and settling them down out there was much better than disturbing other people who wanted to be able to eat dinner and have a conversation without have a screaming kid disturb their meal.

Geez when I was a kid I would have gotten one warning from the old man, if I kept it up I'd get the look (we all know the one) if I still didn't drop in line we'd be taking a walk to the car and not for ice cream.

And yet I'm not a serial killer, strange no?

[V]

I've got a nice deep voice, pretty much all I gotta do is say their name once with that ultra-powerful voice and it puts the fear of God in them. I hope it never loses its effect.

Snotty kids piss me off, though. We've actually broken off friendships because I hate my kids being around our friends' brats. You can't do anything about family, though. Just grin and bear it. My nephews are a total pain in the arse too, but they live on the other side of the Rockies, so we don't have to deal with them often.

[habernac]

Originally Posted by fotze

Notice how everyone themself has been raised the right way and that everyone you meet are people who raise there kids right. Where are these mysterious bad people, I can't find any of them, yet they're everywhere.

I wish more people would talk about things their parents did wrong and mistakes they made raising their kids. Hell of alot more constructive than patting themselves on the back all the time.

LOL! My kid is no angel, but be damned if I'll let him run around and tear up a restaurant like I see some people's kids do. My parents were ok, I think they were a little too nice, but they did alright.

[Azure]

I swear everyone who posts on CP seems to have been raised in the right way.

Personally, discipline is good, but I've seen parents overdo it. Different for each kid, but that still doesn't mean parents should freak on their kids when they do something wrong.

[Otto-matic]

Originally Posted by Azure

I swear everyone who posts on CP seems to have been raised in the right way.

That's what separates CF.com and HF from Calgarypuck

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by fotze

I wish more people would talk about things their parents did wrong and mistakes they made raising their kids. Hell of alot more constructive than patting themselves on the back all the time.

My dad drank alot, which let me steal money from his wallet to take to the arcade when I was in Jr High. I am sure that didn't help but the thick leather belt I got when I did something real bad ( ala egging the house across the street or pouring gasoline across the alley and lighting it when a car drove by) sure made me think twice about doing it. I sure did my best to not screw up when he was sober. He was a passive drunk so we didn't get any of that stuff.

My mom on the other hand was somewhat of a pushover when it came to us kids. If we buggered up badly we got the back end of an oversized Avon brush or a wooden spoon, but I can remember more than one time when we were out in public and we were unruly to the point where we should have been beat right on the spot.

One time we sent her to the hospital with a nervous breakdown since we were being so bad. I remember jumping in the van and holding down the locks so she couldn't get us out to discipline us, kicking in the back door because my brother had escaped a beating I was giving him to run to the knife drawer to get something to defend himself with.

Oh, the good times we had.

That said, if my kids try to pull that stuff I doubt I will be as nice as my parents were. Kids need to have some fear of their parents, not fear of physical harm in 99.9% of the cases, but a fear that they will be disciplined consistantly according to their actions

[Maritime Q-Scout]

I couldn't really pinpoint the discipline techniques my parents used. My mother is a master at argumentation, my dad gets scary when he's angry. However discipline never amounted to more than words and punishment like going to thy room, no friends over after school etc. My brother and I were never spanked, hit, grabbed, etc. No physical repercussions.

To this day I'm older, moved out, but still don't want to get mom and dad angry. I think it's a respect thing. Respect your parents and you don't want them to look down upon you, or be disappointed in you.

That said I love the line in Boondock Saints where one of the brothers (I forget which one) is training a new very butch girl at the meat packing plant and says "around here the rule of thumb is . . . " and the butch very tough girl interrupts him gets in his face and says "rule of thumb?! Did you know that saying comes from when a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no bigger than his thumb?!" and she's basically breathing fire while delievering the line. The brother looks at his thumb and says "that's not very big is it? I guess it shoulda been a rule of wrist!"

Snot nosed little basards should get the rule of wrist!

[llama64]

Originally Posted by habernac

LOL! My kid is no angel, but be damned if I'll let him run around and tear up a restaurant like I see some people's kids do. My parents were ok, I think they were a little too nice, but they did alright.

This is my number one irritation in restaurants. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be the parents of a kid who's running around screaming in a decent restuarant. All I know is that when I have to deal with it from a couple tables away, I'm seriously angry at that family.

I'm a little off topic but I've noticed something interesting. Kids raised in the suburbs tend to be far more unruly in public then kids raised in high density locations. For instance: head to any "family" restaurant in a so called "power center" and you'll likely see gangs of 6 year olds running full blast between tables while their parents try to look like they arn't embarassed.

Now head to an inner city restuarant. If you see any kids, chances are they are sitting at the table in a calm manner and are constantly being watched over by their parents.

I don't mean to draw any conclusions, just something I've noticed. It's fairly rare to see families in the inner city these days though.

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by fotze

Where are these restaurants where kids are running around? I would like to go to one. There would be a total market for a NICE restaurant where you could let the kids play in an adjacent room.

it's called IKEA.

although i guess you did say nice. the swedish meatballs are nice and cheap?

[GGG]

Originally Posted by Buff

Everybody has different methods of disciplining their children. Most specifically parents allow their kids to get away with more or less than other parents. This is fine, to an extent.

My wife and I are constantly getting frustrated with how much/little her siblings discipline their kids (or in some cases how they do it). When we have family gatherings kids are going to have fun and get a bit wild, we accept that. However our oldest kid can get worked up quite a bit and usually we have to discipline him but only because one of his cousins was doing something to get him worked up that also needs to be disciplined. My brother in law thinks kids will be kids and to just let them be, and my sister in law is just oblivious to anything happening outside of 2 inches from herself. So we find ourselves disciplining our kid because his cousin's parents won't watch their own kids. My sister-in-laws idea of watching kids in a family gathering is to assume one of the other adults is doing it. My brother-in-law (different couple) just sits back and either shouts his kids names or says "Please don't" or both. Yeah, thats going to stop them.

My wife's parents often think we should just let our kids be and that we are too strict, yet on the same hand they always commend our kids for being so much more behaved. Our kids are awesome kids and very well behaved except when around kids who we believe could use a little more discipline.

Not saying our kids are angels and only misbehave around their cousins, because it happens with anothers as well, but it is just frustrating to have to discipline your kids because the other kids parents aren't doing their jobs.

Next week's rant: Parents who have to chip in when you are disciplining your kid (aka the over the shoulder discipliners).

This occurs in my family but what happened in the end is the more strict person ended up looking out for all of the kids at the family gathering because she would get upset about the more free standards of other parents. The other parents are supportive of the more strict person in that if she tells their kids not to to something the kids have to listen and cannot play one relative against the other.

In the end in my opinion you have to have your own standards for your own kids and ensure your kids live up to them. And the correlary to that is you have to let other people have their own standards for their kids even if they make you uncomfortable.

[troutman]

I believe that children are our future. . .

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Parents want to be their kids best friends in the whole wide world, they all want to be the cool parent.

My dad didn't want to be my friend, he was my dad.

We could be friends after I moved out of his house.

Best parenting post I've seen in a while. I decided something along these lines back in the day when I had a preggers scare with the ex.