Self-sabotage and procrastination

[missdpuck]

Hope this isn't a FATA due to previous threads about depression and lack of motivation..but has anyone ever had to overcome these problems? I swear they're ruining my life. BTW how is fata pronounced? thanks.

[Fozzie_DeBear]

Sure I have these problems, and will work on them tomorrow...

It's pronounced like Phat-ahh

[CaramonLS]

Yep. Best thing you could ever do is go see a doctor and find out if there is anything causing these problems.

Depending on what it is - if they find something, you can work towards a solution.

For me, it was Sleep Apnea causing my motivation/depression/anxiety issues. I fixed that (didn't know I had it at the time for about 5 years) and completely changed my life around as a result of fixing that single problem.

I'm an entirely different person than I was 3 years ago.

[Displaced Flames fan]

This is not meant as a joke, but you might take a look at your job too....or your attitude about it.

I suffer the same malady to some extent and I'm convinced it is directly related to doing the same exact UNCHALLENGING job every single day (rarely with 2 days in a row off to boot) and the fact I don't want to do it anymore.

Tough position to be in given what they pay us. You wouldn't believe what they did to me this week, missd. Unreal.

[jammies]

Depends what you are procrastinating on. I was going to clean the apartment today but decided my time was better spent on the balcony reading a book in the sunshine.

I don't spend my life worrying about what I should have done, as long as what I have done has some meaning to it; too often we try to impose order on what should be spontaneous. Structure is necessary, yes, but it must be bounded and subject to revision when necessary; if you cannot hold to the structure of your future, perhaps it is because unconsciously you realize it does not lead you anywhere you truly want to go?

What is really important to you sometimes can only be found by not doing what you think you should, but rather what reveals itself when you live from moment to moment, like a child. Too often, as we grow older, we become masters of tedious detail, thinking that this is how we build up meaning for ourselves - bit by bit - or worse, we think that there *is* no meaning and that immersing ourselves in the trivial will keep this truth hidden behind the ritual and habitual.

Yet the only way to change yourself, and find meaning, passion, and drive, is to rather tear down the plans, the structure, and the detail and devote yourself rather to learning what it is that makes you happy. Then, and only then, can you start thinking about how to order your life to achieve it, and have a better than accidental chance of success.

[Iowa_Flames_Fan]

Originally Posted by jammies

Depends what you are procrastinating on. I was going to clean the apartment today but decided my time was better spent on the balcony reading a book in the sunshine.

I don't spend my life worrying about what I should have done, as long as what I have done has some meaning to it; too often we try to impose order on what should be spontaneous. Structure is necessary, yes, but it must be bounded and subject to revision when necessary; if you cannot hold to the structure of your future, perhaps it is because unconsciously you realize it does not lead you anywhere you truly want to go?

What is really important to you sometimes can only be found by not doing what you think you should, but rather what reveals itself when you live from moment to moment, like a child. Too often, as we grow older, we become masters of tedious detail, thinking that this is how we build up meaning for ourselves - bit by bit - or worse, we think that there *is* no meaning and that immersing ourselves in the trivial will keep this truth hidden behind the ritual and habitual.

Yet the only way to change yourself, and find meaning, passion, and drive, is to rather tear down the plans, the structure, and the detail and devote yourself rather to learning what it is that makes you happy. Then, and only then, can you start thinking about how to order your life to achieve it, and have a better than accidental chance of success.

I don't have much to add except that I kind of love this post. One of the things I've learned from grad school is that ultimately structured education is a way of taking the things you love and infusing them with tedium. I think we have to approach life the other way around, and try to prioritize things that help us to achieve happiness beyond the material.

[missdpuck]

Originally Posted by fotze

There was a bit on 60 Minutes a few weeks ago (I know 60 Goddamn Minutes). But the theory was that we spend way to much time working on or deficits and not nearly enough time doing things we are good at, which leads to people being unhappy. It starts from childhood, if you come home with three A's, one B- and one D+, what grade do you think you will talk to your kid about and what grade will they spend more time on now. Studies show people are a billion times happier doing things they are naturally good at (makes sense).

Connecting thoughts to what you posted is obviously not something I'm good at.

You did okay Fotze. I know what I love and what I'm good at and have been doing those things in addition to my tedious job..Dis knows all too well!!! But it's like I'm afraid of success. I get almost there..and quit!

[missdpuck]

Originally Posted by Displaced Flames fan

This is not meant as a joke, but you might take a look at your job too....or your attitude about it.

I suffer the same malady to some extent and I'm convinced it is directly related to doing the same exact UNCHALLENGING job every single day (rarely with 2 days in a row off to boot) and the fact I don't want to do it anymore.

Tough position to be in given what they pay us. You wouldn't believe what they did to me this week, missd. Unreal.

Help Dis!! I can tell from your posts that you are not the stereotypical postal worker. I really don't talk to many people at work anymore because they really don't understand. I guess the crabs-in-a-bucket analogy I heard in a movie (Just Cause which takes place in SoFla) is human nature-but there seems to a lot of "human nature" in the blue collar world. The movie quote is "people in small South Florida towns are like crabs in a bucket...when one tries to crawl out the rest pull him back down" which of course aplies to more than small SoFla towns. So I just keep my thoughts to myself now. What did they do to you Dis? We have a new OIC as our PM is on detail..he said something about 5 day work week being considered for February or they'll review it in February..hmmmmmm

[Weiser Wonder]

I often feel like Peter in office space. What would you do if you had a million dollars? I'd do nothing...

My values system is at least explicitly detached from accomplishment. If I complete a project and do it well, my main feeling is relief rather than accomplishment. The thought "now I can just do nothing for a couple days" is what I gain the most pleasure from. The high of personal accomplishment that people are always telling me about seems rare and fleeting to me. Although I probably do value accomplishment more than I sometimes think.

I have stretches of motivation of like a couple weeks (at the beginning of the school year, starting a project etc.) and then I lose it all completely.
And just go back to the same ole me.

I guess it's a two-sided coin because if you are always motivated to be better, you can never be satisfied with what you have. I would say I'm fairly easily satisfied and therefore my drive is quite lacking.

[missdpuck]

Well if you're happy WW you have no reason to sweat it. Some people go for what a shrink might call "voluntary simplicity". I'm just full of whacked out excuses and extreme cowardice.

[Antithesis]

Jammies, I've just got to add that I loved your post as well. That's my exact philosophy on business or prioritization, but I could never put it quite like that. Whatever I am doing at any moment is what I'm supposed to be doing. The rest always figures itself out in the end.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by jammies

Depends what you are procrastinating on. I was going to clean the apartment today but decided my time was better spent on the balcony reading a book in the sunshine.

I don't spend my life worrying about what I should have done, as long as what I have done has some meaning to it; too often we try to impose order on what should be spontaneous. Structure is necessary, yes, but it must be bounded and subject to revision when necessary; if you cannot hold to the structure of your future, perhaps it is because unconsciously you realize it does not lead you anywhere you truly want to go?

What is really important to you sometimes can only be found by not doing what you think you should, but rather what reveals itself when you live from moment to moment, like a child. Too often, as we grow older, we become masters of tedious detail, thinking that this is how we build up meaning for ourselves - bit by bit - or worse, we think that there *is* no meaning and that immersing ourselves in the trivial will keep this truth hidden behind the ritual and habitual.

Yet the only way to change yourself, and find meaning, passion, and drive, is to rather tear down the plans, the structure, and the detail and devote yourself rather to learning what it is that makes you happy. Then, and only then, can you start thinking about how to order your life to achieve it, and have a better than accidental chance of success.

Are you for real? Is that your own words or a quote from some famous philosopher? That is probably the best advice I can think of to give someone else. If I were dying and someone asked me what I knew, it'd be that. Well said. I hereby declare that post to be: profound.

[JohnnyB]

Wow, what a thread to have pop up while I'm in the middle of avoiding doing my work for the umpteenth time.

I suspect there shall be some serious advice included in this thread on how to overcome my problem. I will have to revisit CP regularly in the best interest of finally achieving the capacity to finish my work.

[Jagger]

Originally Posted by jammies

Depends what you are procrastinating on. I was going to clean the apartment today but decided my time was better spent on the balcony reading a book in the sunshine.

I don't spend my life worrying about what I should have done, as long as what I have done has some meaning to it........................continued

Wow. That is mighty profound stuff for sure and about the best advice that anybody could give on this subject. My hat's off to you, jammies, that is quite simply a superb post. Well done.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by jammies

Depends what you are procrastinating on. I was going to clean the apartment today but decided my time was better spent on the balcony reading a book in the sunshine.

I don't spend my life worrying about what I should have done, as long as what I have done has some meaning to it; too often we try to impose order on what should be spontaneous. Structure is necessary, yes, but it must be bounded and subject to revision when necessary; if you cannot hold to the structure of your future, perhaps it is because unconsciously you realize it does not lead you anywhere you truly want to go?

What is really important to you sometimes can only be found by not doing what you think you should, but rather what reveals itself when you live from moment to moment, like a child. Too often, as we grow older, we become masters of tedious detail, thinking that this is how we build up meaning for ourselves - bit by bit - or worse, we think that there *is* no meaning and that immersing ourselves in the trivial will keep this truth hidden behind the ritual and habitual.

Yet the only way to change yourself, and find meaning, passion, and drive, is to rather tear down the plans, the structure, and the detail and devote yourself rather to learning what it is that makes you happy. Then, and only then, can you start thinking about how to order your life to achieve it, and have a better than accidental chance of success.

Originally Posted by Iowa_Flames_Fan

I don't have much to add except that I kind of love this post. One of the things I've learned from grad school is that ultimately structured education is a way of taking the things you love and infusing them with tedium. I think we have to approach life the other way around, and try to prioritize things that help us to achieve happiness beyond the material.

Originally Posted by Anthesis

Jammies, I've just got to add that I loved your post as well. That's my exact philosophy on business or prioritization, but I could never put it quite like that. Whatever I am doing at any moment is what I'm supposed to be doing. The rest always figures itself out in the end.

Originally Posted by 4x4

Are you for real? Is that your own words or a quote from some famous philosopher? That is probably the best advice I can think of to give someone else. If I were dying and someone asked me what I knew, it'd be that. Well said. I hereby declare that post to be: profound.

Originally Posted by Jagger

Wow. That is mighty profound stuff for sure and about the best advice that anybody could give on this subject. My hat's off to you, jammies, that is quite simply a superb post. Well done.

Quoted for truth. Well said! Red-square the man.

[Claeren]

Originally Posted by fotze

There was a bit on 60 Minutes a few weeks ago (I know 60 Goddamn Minutes). But the theory was that we spend way to much time working on or deficits and not nearly enough time doing things we are good at, which leads to people being unhappy. It starts from childhood, if you come home with three A's, one B- and one D+, what grade do you think you will talk to your kid about and what grade will they spend more time on now. Studies show people are a billion times happier doing things they are naturally good at (makes sense).

Connecting thoughts to what you posted is obviously not something I'm good at.

^^ http://sf2.strengthsfinder.com/

You can find a book at Chapters (or where ever) called "StrengthsFinder 2.0" and it has a short intro that explains the theory and then a test you do online that helps you narrow down what you are good at (as themes) and what you should maybe look at capitalizing on instead of focusing on what you are not good at.

Maybe not life altering outright, but certainly worth the ~$20.

The results of the online test were not as important as really understanding that I am not a slave to my weaknesses but rather have just not been told to really build on, capitalize on and really enjoy using my strengths.

The system(s) of parenting, schooling and business in our society are all set-up against that theory yet all would work a thousand times smoother if they were.


Not surprisingly perhaps, some of the most successful/progressive companies in the world try to use the effect to their benefit. Google for example has some sort of system where no less than 10% (or more?) of a work week must be spent working on your own pet project that you think could add value instead of your day-to-day work load.




====

As for the original point, without going into too much detail, I too feel like that sometimes and I guess the good thing is that you are aware of it? Wanting more and wanting to have the energy to do it is kind of the first step?

The cruel thing is that just mustering the energy to change it, to go to the doctor or to get a new job (etc), is hard. But few things in life worth doing for oneself are easy....





Claeren.

[Claeren]

Originally Posted by Weiser Wonder

I guess it's a two-sided coin because if you are always motivated to be better, you can never be satisfied with what you have. I would say I'm fairly easily satisfied and therefore my drive is quite lacking.

This is soo me too!

A happy disposition is such a bitch to deal with!! lol

All of my unhappy and unfullfilled friends have to work hard because they think that is where they will find their happiness, whether through the work or that sense of accomplishment or the money or power/status or whatever.

I want more and I do enjoy working hard in bursts and/or on things i do enjoy, but my happiness does not in any way hinge on that and thus it is hard to fully follow through when something like a boring and seemingly tedious work or school project demands 12 hours a day for 3 weeks type attention. Let someone else do it?! lol

Of course you have to get through some tedious things to get somewhere in life and that is where the problem begins....




Claeren.

[transplant99]

Outstanding advice/post Jammies.

huge kudos to you........nothing more that I can add to the OP question.

[jammies]

Well thanks, I do appreciate all the kind comments. This subject is something I feel very passionately about, and I guess that makes all the difference.

[missdpuck]

Originally Posted by jammies

Well thanks, I do appreciate all the kind comments. This subject is something I feel very passionately about, and I guess that makes all the difference.

Yes. Thanks Jammies. I actually hadn't read the thread since 8/17....so belated thanks. Unfortunately my procrastination and self-sabotage are both on mutually exclusive subjects. Well that doesn't make sense. The things I procrastinate about aren't simple like rearranging the sock drawer. They are HUGE things.....This isn't a good analogy, but it's as if one side of me is like...(although my issues aren't necessarily about money) okay,you can make a million dollars while the other side is saying..okay if you can do that well I'll make sure you're in debt for 2 mill before you even start....hahahaha...but your point about structure is SO true. Have you ever had a screwball teacher/professor tell you "Oh this is the best paper,short story,etc. I've ever had from a student...but I have to give you a D because it's a D compared to you potential" aaaahhhhh I've had more than one....they all want to be the big hero or something. In any case THANK YOU EVERYBODY.......I'll keep you posted about the interesting progress....not the sock drawer or bill paying crap CPers RUUUUUUUULLLLLLLE!!!!!