1001 Rules for My Unborn Son

[KTrain]

There's a pretty cool book that's coming out next week that some of you expecting and/or experienced dads may appreciate.


Rules for My Unborn Son: Let's Get Some Things Straight Before I Get Old and Uncool

Here's a website with some samples of the "rules".

For those of you who don't like clicking here are a few:

396. Never get your haircut on the day of the big dance.

395. Be mindful of what comes between you and the earth. Buy good tires, good sheets, and good shoes.

388. If you don't know what a knob does, don't fool with it.

387. If you trip in public, don't blame the sidewalk.

384. All drinking challenges must be accepted.

381. Walk it off.

380. When I tell you to stay in the car, stay in the car.

375. Don't pose with booze.

374. The best thing you can give your neighbors is a well-kept lawn.

369. You don't get to choose your own nickname.

367. You marry the girl, you marry her whole family.

[Weiser Wonder]

fitter, happier more productive

• comfortable
• not drinking too much
• regular exercise at the gym (3days a week)
• getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries
• at ease
• eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
• a patient better driver
• a safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
• sleeping well (no bad dreams)
• no paranoia
• careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole)
• keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then)
• will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall)
• favours for favours
• fond but not in love (girlfriends and wives)
• charity stanbding orders
• on sundays ring road supermarket
• (no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants)
• car wash (also on sundays)
• no longer afraid of the dark
• or midday shadows
• nothing so ridiculoiusly teenage and desperate
• nothing so childish
• at a better pace
• slower and more calculated
• no chance of escape
• now self-employed (his own man is_)
• concerned (but powerless)
• an empowered & informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism)
• will not cry in public
• girlfriends and wives
• less chance of illness
• tyres that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat)
• clean shaven
• a good memory
• still cries at a good film
• still kisses with saliva
• no longer empty and frantic
• like a cat
• tied to a stick
• that's driven into
• frozen winter (the ability to laugh at weakness)
• calm
• fitter, healthier and more productive
• a pig
• in a cage
• on antibiotics

[Locke]

1001. No means yes after a bottle of wine.

[SteveToms]

Originally Posted by Locke

1001. No means yes after a bottle of wine.

That`s just because with you, it is always a no.

[troutman]

If your son asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did." - Jack Handy