So my friends Dad died....

[Frank the Tank]

.....today. Fathers Day of all fricking days. What the hell do I say to the guy? I'm at a total loss for words.

[BlackArcher101]

I honestly don't know what to say either, other than be there to console him. He'll need someone to talk to for sure. My condolences.

[foofighter15]

BlackArcher is right man. Just be a good friend and do whatever you can for him

[Dion]

Archer is right.

[STeeLy]

At this point in time, there really isn't anything you can say... except just be there for him like BlackArcher said, that's really all you can do.

[Shawnski]

Tough day for both your friend and everyone that knew his father. And of course you too Frank. If your friend wants to talk, be there. If you have some shared memories (good ones) of his father, don't be scared to bring them up. Telling your friend about positive memories can't hurt.

I lost my father just after his 70th birthday almost two years ago now. I knew my friends were there for me, and it was comforting.

Some people will want to talk about things, but some others might not. Be cognizant of any signals, and just go with the flow.

BTW, it is good to see you post here again Frank. You have been missed.

Shawn

[Frank the Tank]

Thanks Shawnski. Its been a while. Switched jobs and had a kid all in the same month, so life has been NUTS since November.

I was going through some pictures and found one of me, my buddy, his dad and a bunch of other friends at a pick-up hockey game a few years ago. I don't think he has a copy of it, so I'll make one for him.

Its tough because my friend and his dad were best friends.

[Dion]

Good to see you back Frank.

[Azure]

He's back....about time, although I wish it could have come under better circumstances.

[The Fonz]

Can I ask what he died from? Is that too personal?

[FurnaceFace]

Agree with Shawn. My Dad died Dec 21st 97 and while it was expected, it was still good having friends around just to hang out with. I didn't need them to take me out and get me loaded, just take me out and shoot some pool or do whatever.

The hardest thing is what you've discovered, how do you act? I wanted people to treat me as they always would. If they had a joke to tell, tell it. Laugh at something, get mad, whatever. As hard as it is, just don't walk on eggshells around your friend.

[habernac]

my grandpa died 6 years ago on Father's Day. Stil a difficult day for my mom. Just be there for your friend, let him know you're there to talk to, etc.

[prarieboy]

Frank,

The picture idea is an excellent one.

Maybe you could give him the pic and tell him how much you enjoyed spending time with his father and hope that the picture would remind him of the good times they shared as much as it will for you whenever you look at it.

By all means say something. My mom was always suprised when people she knew for years couldn't say anything about my Dad dying to her.

It's hard for everyone but the people closest feel it the most.

[ken0042]

For me when a loved one dies, it isn't time to change the nature of our friendship. You don't have to say or do anything, just be there.

If he's somebody you go for beers with, invite him over for a beer or show up at his house with beer. If you golf with him then make the time to be with him. The key here is to set aside things that sometimes keep friends apart like work or family and be there for the guy.

When I have lost grandparents, my friends were just there with me, and that meant the world to me.

[Prototype]

Don't say "I'm sorry", say "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I'm sorry to hear that". My grandpa passed away last month, and for some reason I didn't like it when people said just "I'm sorry".

If you could possibly say anything, tell your friend that... trying to find the right words here... that Father's Day is an important day, regardless where your father is, but I would imagine Father's Day should, and must be more important to him now. Not some random day. I see it as some sort of a blessing, all things considered, rather than the "worst day" for this to happen, then again I'm not in his situation. Father's should be celebrated, and to have that reminder, even though Father's Day doesn't fall on the same day every year, should be something that helps celebrate his life.

Just my thoughts I guess...

[HalifaxDrunk]

That is horrible news Frank, as said above being a good friend is the best you can do.

[loob job]

I had someone tell me once, that when a good friend was having a tough time it was better to call them right away and show them you are there for them no matter how hard it is then to not call for a few days and making them feel alone. I'm sure you know that though. That saying has always stuck in my head though for some reason. I hope you and your friend are doing okay.

[Teh_Bandwagoner]

I lost my dad about 4 weeks ago to liver cancer. He would have turned 69 this September. This Father's Day was definitely empty, but my mom and I went out to eat to celebrate anyway. After all, he's still my father.

Anyway I echo everyone else's sentiment. The best you can do is be there. Give him a call. Go over to his place to chill. Chat and have some fun. It'll be a difficult time.

[old-fart]

Crap news for a Father's Day, although there is no real good time for the news.

People experience and deal with grief in their own ways. Be there for your friend, but be aware that what you think might be appropriate might not be what he is feeling. You might think sitting down and having a quiet chat is good... he might want to go get hammered at the strippers. Be prepared with a nice story, a comforting thought, but don't push it on him if he isn't ready for it. He will need to be in control of his own emotional highway through this.