Squat Toilets: Some Advice or Tips?

[I-Hate-Hulse]

So I'm off to Syria and Jordan next week - thought I was ready until I was told to expect a few squat toilets in my travels. I thought a little research might be in order, which lead me to this hilarious, yet fear inducing article:

http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000348.html

Place your feet on the appropriate foot grids, assuming they are not covered in stool. If they are covered in stool, place your feet on the least fouled space you can find, being careful to maintain balance.


Unfasten and drop your trousers and underpants, making sure that they do not make contact with the urine and stool covered surface area.
Grimace and ask yourself if a country with such a toilet can or should ever be a superpower.


Assume a squatting position like a competitive ski jumper. Stick your ass out like a whore in a 50 Cent video. This is a good time to pretend you're not a miserable tourist with your pants around your ankles, squatting over a barbaric poo hole.

Quite frankly I'm a little.... uhhh.... worried. I can look at the most disgusting things and be as cool as Neo. Bad smells however are like a Kryptonite sandwich to Superman for me.

I do however, have two questions for the worldly CP folk here:

1) In the squat position is the angle of your knees supposed to be at:

90 degrees?





Or 45?








2) Is it cool to whiz into one of these things from the standing position?



Any other tips would be appreciated... thanks. This is a bit.... intimidating

[STeeLy]

To answer your questions:
1) Which ever is more comfortable and not get crap and/or urine all over yourself... personally when I ever have to use a squat toilet to do No. 2, I'd do so at rougly the 90 degree angle.

2) Yes, it is fine to stand up and whiz into those things.

[FireFly]

As a female who squats in the bushes on a regular basis, you don't want 45 degrees... the closer you are to 45 degrees, the more likely you'll crap on your shorts. The ultimate is if you can find something to grab hold of so you can lean as far away from your pants as possible. Also especially helpful if you're drunk.

[FireFly]

And wizzing in it from a standing position just makes it grosser for the next person who needs to squat. Treat it like you would treat your own... do you want to squat on a mess?

[prarieboy]

The information you quoted is quite an acurate description.

If I could add one tip it would be this, wait till you really gotta go. This isn't the place to bring along a readers digest if you know what I mean. It may be for the seasoned veteran but for someone unacustomed to such things it can be a little awkward.

In and out that's what you should strive for.

[Kybosh]

With one hand you might want to pull your pants/shorts forward out of the splash zone. I hate Turkish toilets with a passion and wish you the best of luck.

[NSFL]

As Firefly said, stay away from 45 degrees. You'd definitely be pooing into your pants. Now I have no idea if you'll have these where you're going, but in China, there are squat toilets that flush. So that really minimizes the smell. And always have tissue paper on hand. I made sure I carried a packet of tissue with me at all times. You'll never know when you end up in a badly maintained restroom with no paper. I remember once, the toilet paper was on the outside of the stall and you were supposed to grab it before going in, so always check. Good luck man, have fun.

[chid]

Originally Posted by FireFly

As a female who squats in the bushes on a regular basis, you don't want 45 degrees... the closer you are to 45 degrees, the more likely you'll crap on your shorts. The ultimate is if you can find something to grab hold of so you can lean as far away from your pants as possible. Also especially helpful if you're drunk.

x2 the 45 degree pop'a'squat is not good.
And grabbing on to things, also a major help!

[Locke]

1. Remove Pants to reduce collateral damage

2. Make sure that your "hole-over-hole" positioning is accurate.

3. Wash your anus with bleach and lye.

4. Drink yourself comatose before the bell rings for round 2.

[OutOfTheCube]

Is it that hard to make an outhouse? Or a hole in the ground with a wooden seat?

Seriously, probably the worst idea ever.

[Jayems]

What is the ruling on having to clean up collateral damage to, say, the garbage can?

Common courtesy? Or every squatter for himself?



Edit: Judging by the state of the water pipe and wall behind, it's every squatter for himself!

[Dion]

Squat Toilet advice....

“In places like India, and many parts of Asia,” he told me, “a bathroom won’t have toilet paper. It will have a little cup of water. Basically, after you’ve done your business, you take your left hand and wash the exit hole of fecal matter, then wash your hand. That’s why nobody shakes hands with their left hand in most of Asia and the Middle East, because that’s your ass-wiping hand.”

http://www.worldhum.com/how_to/item/...ilet_20060923/

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Dion

Squat Toilet advice....

“In places like India, and many parts of Asia,” he told me, “a bathroom won’t have toilet paper. It will have a little cup of water. Basically, after you’ve done your business, you take your left hand and wash the exit hole of fecal matter, then wash your hand. That’s why nobody shakes hands with their left hand in most of Asia and the Middle East, because that’s your ass-wiping hand.”

http://www.worldhum.com/how_to/item/...ilet_20060923/

That is lovely and charming at the same time. Because people love swishing their excrement around with their hands.

[Clever_Iggy]

I think George Costanza went to India and back without using the facilities in "The Betrayal." Maybe you could try that approach?

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Locke

That is lovely and charming at the same time. Because people love swishing their excrement around with their hands.

I sure hope they don't chew on their finger nails

[RougeUnderoos]

Originally Posted by Jayems

What is the ruling on having to clean up collateral damage to, say, the garbage can?

Common courtesy? Or every squatter for himself?



Edit: Judging by the state of the water pipe and wall behind, it's every squatter for himself!

Okay, this may be my fancy western wasteful attitude, but why don't they just put a toilet there?

Are they trying to save on water? A sit-downer would probably save water when all is said and done because you wouldn't be washing your ass, laundering your clothes or hosing off your shoes every day. And just think of the water they waste rehydrating all the people who contract dysentery after using such a facility.

[simonsays]

Originally Posted by RougeUnderoos

Okay, this may be my fancy western wasteful attitude, but why don't they just put a toilet there?

Are they trying to save on water? A sit-downer would probably save water when all is said and done because you wouldn't be washing your ass, laundering your clothes or hosing off your shoes every day. And just think of the water they waste rehydrating all the people who contract dysentery after using such a facility.

A lot of places in Asia have been replacing squatters with western style toilets. But a big old porcelain idol costs $200+ and that's just too much for every toilet owner to invest in his bathrooms. These things are cheap, they're installed and everyone but whitey seems to be comfortable with them. But man oh man do I hate those toilets..

[rockstar]

I've never used one, but my instinct tells me to leave the pants at home.

I can see myself taking a big plop in one of those things, then, without realizing it, pissing into the seat of my pants..

[North East Goon]

What happens if you got a bad case of the bum pee? I think the entire pants off approach might be best for that!

[FireFly]

Do you really want to be naked from the waist down on one of those? Think about that. Also consider that you'll likely still be wearing shoes and what if you get some fecal matter on your shoes? Then you go to put your pants back on and you've smeared it all over the inside of your pants. I say remove your pants at your own risk.