Telemarketers

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Ok for for like the 2-3 people here that know me or met me, I'm a fairly laid back guy, I try and be polite when at all possible, and that includes to telemarketers. I do understand that most of these people are poor college students trying to pay for tuition. Hell it seems like half my friends were doing that back in the day.

I'll always be polite if you call, and if you're doing a survey hell I'll probably participate. If you're selling something I'll say "I appreciate the offer but no thank you." and leave it at that.

However tonight, I was on my way in the door and I heard the phone ringing, I just moved so it surprised me. I ran to get it and grabbed a phone without caller ID. There was a pause but it sounded like someone on the other end dropped the phone or something, so I waited trying to think how many people actually had my new number.

A$$hole: "Hell is Mr. __________ home?"

Me: No I'm sorry you have the wrong number.

A$$hole: Oh I'm sorry is Mr. Hodder home? (found this odd as I used to live with a guy whose last name is Hodder)

Me: Sorry you still have the wrong number.

A$$hole: I'm sorry my records must be out of date is this XXX-XXXX?

Me: It is (thinking it might be important I stay on the phone)

A$$hole: Oh well this might be something you could benefit from, I'm calling on behalf of Primus and offering people long distance packages based on their needs. Where would you say that you call long distance the most, to the United States or within Canada?

Me: (loving the horrid segway, and not giving me the option to say no) Actually I don't make a lot of long distance phone calls, so I don't really need a long distance package, I appreciate the thought though . . .

A$$hole: Well we have many plans, let me tell them to you

Me: That's alright, thanks for the call, I appreciate the opportunity to take advantage of your service but . . .

A$$hole: HOW CAN YOU APPRECIATE WHAT I'M OFFERING YOU IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT IT IS?!?!?!

Me: (pause as I'm in shock and debate asking to talk to a supervisor or not) LISTEN, I'M TRYING TO BE POLITE HERE, I DON'T WANT YOUR SERVICE . . .

A$$hole: (I forget what he interrupted with me with here, but I just yelled over him)

Me: AND WOULD REALLY APPRICATE YOU TAKING ME OFF YOUR CALL LIST!!!!

A$$hole: Fine, I'm going



Like seriously, I know you need to actually talk to someone to get credit for the call, I'm cool with that. I understand the need to rebut, I'm cool with that, but don't get lippy with me. Don't be a smart alick (sp?) with me. And don't be rude to me.

Sorry need to vent, you try and be nice and polite but sweet moses!

[Kybosh]

I just hang up.

Them: "How are you today Mr. So and So?"
Me: "Fantastic" *Click*

[HalifaxDrunk]

Originally Posted by Maritime Q-Scout

Ok for for like the 2-3 people here that know me or met me, I'm a fairly laid back guy, I try and be polite when at all possible

I've met you and you lost me right here!

[Myth]

I once had a guy from the Shriners call looking for money. I told him very nicely that unfortunately I wasn't in the position to help them out just then. He said that it didn't have to be alot, whatever I could give would be appreciated. I repeated that I just wasn't in the position at that time to donate anything and he got really snotty with me. It was something along the lines of "You mean you can't even afford $20?" And when I said not right now he asked me "What the hell's wrong with you that you can't even afford $20?" That's when I hung up. I still can't believe that someone had the audacity to call me up for money and then cuss me out when I said no. It's like those panhandlers that say they'll only take bills....

[Ro]

Of all the lines I've heard and tried out regarding these phone calls, the best one I've ever heard (and has been put into practice with excellent results) came from, of all places, an episode of Kenny vs. Spenny:

"I'm sorry, but this residence does not accept unsolicited phone calls. Thank you, goodbye."

Simple, effective, and allows me to end the call quickly without feeling like a jerkoff. Way to go Spenny.

[Sylvanfan]

Hit on them and be very forward, especially if they're the same sex as you are turn it up a notch. Don't hold back, whatever you can think of that you'd never have the nerve to ask someone you're legitimately interested in....ask it. So you sound like a very saucy broad if you and I got together would you let me......to you, because you sound like the type of girl who would? They can't get off the line fast enough...and if they stick around, well who knows.

[Dan02]

I give them 1 polite thanks i'm not interested, they can either choose to wrap it up or keep going, either way i'm putting the phone down.

[CaptainCrunch]

I tell them that I'm busy, politely.

If they persist, I yell out "Hey I'm trying to #### my wife here"

Then I hang up.

[RW99]

I had a run in with Primus a few years ago when I lived in Truro/Halifax. They weren't even taking me off the list when I asked them to. Since then I've stayed far away from their LD plans. FAR AWAY.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

haha, weird. I recently had a guy come to my door asking me to donate to some sort of cancer society. I told him I already donate to another charity and I would like to stick to that. Well, he tried to guilt trip me into it by saying things like "Oh, but this is for cancer...don't you want to help?" After about the 3rd or forth time, I told him that "Hey, if it's for cancer? I'd totally donate..." and proceeded to reach into my pocket, "...but not for ######bags like you." And slammed the door on his face.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Maritime Q-Scout

A$$hole: Oh well this might be something you could benefit from, I'm calling on behalf of Primus and offering people long distance packages based on their needs. Where would you say that you call long distance the most, to the United States or within Canada?

When it gets to that point i say, no problem, carry on. I then quietly set the reciever down and carry on with whatever i was interrupted from. A half hour later i pick up the reciever only to hear a dial tone

[Dion]

I'd love to try something like this someday


Found this on the net. Have copied for future use.

ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.

ME: Is this AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T …

ME: This is AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T …

ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?

ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.

ME: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

ME: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T …

ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T …

ME: The phone company.
AT&T: Yes, sir.

ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren’t selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

ME: Now, that’s 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that’s right! 24 hours a day!

ME: 7 days a week.?
AT&T: That’s right.

ME: 365 days a year.?
AT&T: Yes, sir.

ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That’s amazing!
AT&T: We think so!

ME: That’s quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it’s amazing how it adds up.

ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?

ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?

ME: You said you’d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I’m just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn’t mean we’d be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you’ll give me 10 cents a minute, that I’ll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I’ve read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for

ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
AT&T: Sir, I don’t think that is necessary.

ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.

SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
ME: Yeah.

SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
ME: Is This A T &T?

SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to
get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I’ll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?

ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that “Friends and Family”
thing because I’m an only child and I’d really like to have a little brother…

AT&T: click……..

[SteveToms]

I just don't answer my phone or my door

[Dion]

Something else i'd like to try

http://joshualowry.vox.com/library/a...ab8c18e1d.html

[Thor]

Wish Canada would get the no call registry.

[Thor]

Originally Posted by Dion

Something else i'd like to try

http://joshualowry.vox.com/library/a...ab8c18e1d.html

THAT IS FREAKIN GENIUS

[Schultzie]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=45eHfCQIf6w

[bradster57]

Originally Posted by Dion

When it gets to that point i say, no problem, carry on. I then quietly set the reciever down and carry on with whatever i was interrupted from. A half hour later i pick up the reciever only to hear a dial tone

This is a very good option to piss off telemarketers. Act very interested in what they are selling and then say "Can you hang on a second, I'll be right back"

They'll sit on the line for 5 to 20 minutes depending on how desperate they are to make the sale. Essentially, instead of them wasting your time you are wasting theirs. Also, they are losing out on other potential sales!

[Russic]

I understand telemarketers are just doing their job. I follow a personal rule that states I will treat you with respect as long as you do the same with me. I had a fun one a couple months ago:

marketer: is ****** *** home?

me: sorry, she's out

marketer: can you get her to call us back? It's regarding an offer for life insurance.

me: actually we both have life insurance coverage through our work so it won't be necessary.

marketer: with all due respect sir, your wife's health is her business, not yours

me: actually i'm her husband and looking after her health is kind of like a job to me, so it is very much my business.

marketer: *annoyed sigh* . . . is there a better time i can call to talk to your wife?

me: actually no, there is not.

marketer: *hangs up*


Still can't believe she actually opened herself up with the old "is there a better time..." question.

[J pold]

I just do as Rome does with the manual buzzer

Telemarketer: Hello is Mr. /Mrs. so and so there?

Me: AAAAANNNAAAAAAAHHAHHAHAHHAHAH…click