Turning the table on telemarketers

[Sylvanfan]

So if you have a land line and a house, chances are you get more than a few calls from telemarketers. The ones I particularly hate are the ones looking for the male or female head of the household. Those get the old What is the name of the person you're looking for? When they have no answer they get hung up on. Usually charitable ones are good for identifying who they are first, so for the most part I try to treat those people with respect.

But I still get a few where they ask for me or my wife but don't identify who's calling. I caught a net clip where a guy claimed to be a police detective investigating a homicide in which the person being called for was the victim. With a series of questions the TM couldn't get off the phone fast enough. I finally remembered to give that one a go the other night. I must admit that the response was quite amusing as the person had no idea how to deal with it, and wanted off the phone in the worst way. Highlight would be when she said she'd call back, and I asked, Well what the hell is the point of calling back a dead man do you think he's going to miraculously reappear? I could tell that one had her nervous and scrambling because she said who she was representing and that she wanted nothing to do with the call anymore.

Certainly theres got to be a few other scenarios that you can play on people to get the telemarketer to hang up on you, lets hear em.

[mykalberta]

Put them on hold and see how long they wait.

Great if have a phone with 2 lines

MYK

[Frank the Tank]

I'm guessing most of them get paid per sale, so just keep them on the line for as long as possible without actually buying anything.

[Bertuzzied]

Hey I can't believe it but i actually got a telemarketer calling my cellphone! I haven't had that happen before.

and it was for the stupid calgary herald. They are so pushy and agressive you can't get a word in until they say "what is your name so i can sign you up" after giving a nonstop speech for 2 minutes.

At least telling them off was easy. Doh boy is good for somethings.

[Fozzie_DeBear]

Pass the phone to a toddler...

...or if you want a painless way to get rid of a TM, tell them you have just bought whatever they are selling...

[worth]

Just give them the manual buzzer.

[someguy51]

Originally Posted by Kobatuzzied

Hey I can't believe it but i actually got a telemarketer calling my cellphone! I haven't had that happen before.

and it was for the stupid calgary herald. They are so pushy and agressive you can't get a word in until they say "what is your name so i can sign you up" after giving a nonstop speech for 2 minutes.

At least telling them off was easy. Doh boy is good for somethings.

My brother in law (who also posts here) played a good trick to get the Herald to stop calling him. He told them that he couldn't read. The telemarketer on the phone was very embarrassed and they never called again.

[Flameschick]

Do what Leslie Nielsen did in Naked Gun where he went to the can and accidentally brought the mike with him.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Here's a recent conversation with a telemarketer...

Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hi there, is <Mr. blah blah> available?
(I instantly recognize that this is a telemarketer by the person they are asking).
Me: OooooooooooooooooOoooOoooooo
Telemarketer: Excuse me?
Me: I'mmmmMMmm A GhhooooOOoossst...OoooOOOooooo
Telemarketer: *click*
Me: LOL!!

[Dion]

Since my late fathers death in 2000 my mother left his name as the listing in the phone book. This was done for safety and security reasons. Anyhow when a telemarketer calls they always ask for my dad. lol my mother responds that he is DEAD! Then comes the pause, the i'm sorry comment, and the dial tone when they hang up

[Sylvanfan]

Originally Posted by Flameschick

Do what Leslie Nielsen did in Naked Gun where he went to the can and accidentally brought the mike with him.

Ever since DirecTV really cracked down on those pirate cards I did lose my old tactic of switching over to what used to be channels 596, 597, & 598 and cranking up the volume.

That was also a good one to pull on room mates when their mom's or girlfriends called.

[Dion]

http://joshualowry.vox.com/library/a...ab8c18e1d.html

[looooob]

Originally Posted by Dion

Since my late fathers death in 2000 my mother left his name as the listing in the phone book. This was done for safety and security reasons. Anyhow when a telemarketer calls they always ask for my dad. lol my mother responds that he is DEAD! Then comes the pause, the i'm sorry comment, and the dial tone when they hang up

about 10 years ago I had a few roomates, but the phone was listed under my name.

we would often get calls for me, but they would mispronouce the name, so it was usually a telemarketer. my roomie got sick of these

so one person called for me, botched my name badly. my roomate said "I'm sorry, he's dead"...problem was they were calling me for a job interview

[Sylvanfan]

Originally Posted by looooob

so one person called for me, botched my name badly. my roomate said "I'm sorry, he's dead"...problem was they were calling me for a job interview

Well after making the first false statement the first question should be.

Sir/Madam, may I ask you what exactly is your bussiness with Mr. Loooob?

Hopefully after hearing the answer and realizing that it's a legitimate call you can still salvage the job.

[GreenTeaFrapp]

I usually tell them that I charge a $50 solicitation fee and ask if they want to proceed. If they say yes, my next question is to ask for their address so that I know where to send the bill.

[Log]

Originally Posted by Sylvanfan

Ever since DirecTV really cracked down on those pirate cards I did lose my old tactic of switching over to what used to be channels 596, 597, & 598 and cranking up the volume.

That was also a good one to pull on room mates when their mom's or girlfriends called.

Those sound familiar....

[notoepik]

My mother in law uses her best Mexican accent and tells the caller "I just the maid. I know nothing!" They always hang up on her.


I get calls from a company called Purity Medical. They always tell me there is a shortage of gloves, but they have "set aside TWO cases for me. Will that be enough to get me through until August?" That wouldn't get us through a week let alone 4-6 months! But since I have never bought from this charlatan company they wouldn't know that.

After being polite for about 6 months of these calls, I had enough. Telling them numerous times to take me off the list didn't work. So I decided to play with them. I would string along the poor first caller until they thought they had a real sucker on the line, then I got to talk to the BOSS, because only he could handle such a large order. Yipee!! THE BOSS! I gave him the run around for 15 minutes. Never directly saying I wanted to buy gloves from them, but letting them know that two cases was not going to do, I always needed way more than that. Now I say, "are those powder free, cause you know we have to have powder free, blah blah blah, rash on hands, can't have a rash on the hands you know. Blah blah blah, are they the nice thin ones? Could you peel a grape with them on? Are you sure? Well you know surgery is a lot like peeling a grape......blah blah blah....."

This guy wants to seal the deal. BAD He agrees to send me FOUR cases of gloves. He asks to verify the shipping address, what is it. I say "Yes, what is it?" That is what I need to know he says. "Oh I said, well you should know already!" blah blah blah. "By the way, how much are these gloves?"

He gives me a horrendously enormous cost, and I tell him but I can get really good gloves for 1/10th that price from my usual vendor. "Are your gloves really that much better?" Sure they are. "How can that be?"

He finally realizes that I am not buying gloves. The guy is enraged. He said "you must be *a rather large woman* and hung up.

LOL I think that was suppose to mean FAT B*****!


They still call now and then. The last one I asked what had gone wrong in her life to make her take such a crappy job. Wouldn't flipping burgers be better, and more honest? She evidently had already given that some thought, she hung up.

[SaskaBushFire]

Nothing will ever beat the way Jerry Seinfeld handles them.

[Ironhorse]

Originally Posted by Fozzie_DeBear

Pass the phone to a toddler...

Or to a 5 year old. I've got one that has verbal diarrhea, and should talk their ears off for a good 10 minutes...

[ken0042]

Two words: air horn.

I've never tried it, but I'm tempted to.

"Hello, can I speak to Mr. 0042"
"Speaking"
"Hi I'm calling from Capital One..."
"I'm not interested"
"But we do have this amazing.........."

HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!