I need some advice.

[CaramonLS]

....

[Winsor_Pilates]

Originally Posted by CaramonLS

However, I feel bad for the parents because they are really nice people and I feel bad for the kids for having to live in the environment (their rooms had nails, screws, rabbit feces, human feces, diapers, glass all piled under layers of clothing). So thats why I went and helped.

That is disgusting. If I were you I would really try to get these people to clean up their lives. That is no place to raise kids and if they really love their kids they should have no problem changing. If they can't be bothered to clean up their shinguard, they shouldn't have children living with them.

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally Posted by CaramonLS

Was I right in helping? Should I make regular checkups? I'm just a little confused.

Kids are aged 1, 3, 4, 6, 7.

If you think they really are good people, then you were right for helping IMO.

But if it ever happens again, then I would stay away. Those conditions are unacceptable. and one certainly could call it neglect, which is a form of abuse.

[Mike F]

Sounds like a disgusting place, and the parents should be ashamed of themselves, but unless the kids are being physically abused or their health is being compromised it's better for them to stay with their parents.

It's incredibly traumatic for kids to be separated from their parents and it's almost inevitable that kids who spend any extended period of time in the foster care system end up damaged long term by the experience.

Kudos for helping . The best thing you could do for the kids is to try to help the parents turn things around.

[Buff]

I don't know the full situation, you're more privy to it, but I think you did good to help them out. I can understand how things can get out of hand but the conditions you described is a bit too much for the kids. If it happens again then you should refuse to help them out. If you want to be a good friend then you could checkup every now and then and give them crap if they slip. Make them know that you won't help them if they get themselves into this situation again. If they get mad at you for checking up on them and cut you off, then you've done all you could do to help and they've made the bed they'll lie in.


Sometimes in a situation like this people just need a little outside help and/or encouragement from friends and aquaintances.

Do not treat this as your responsibility to ensure for the kids safety though, but don't be afraid to help the parents out.

Perhaps give them suggestions to avoid stuff like this. Getting rid of the rabbits is a start. Perhaps they are busy with extra-curricular activies, hence the messy house. Suggest that they stop doing those. etc. etc.

[icarus]

I agree with everyone else. If you really want to help them, you have to help them realise they need to change. If this incident alone doesn't cause them to change then, wow, the kids really do need to be taken away for a while.

Why do these people let things get to this point? Clearly there is something wrong; this isn't something that can be fixed by just getting a maid.

This story really irks me. I don't understand how this could be a loving family if there is so much neglect. Maybe counselling is in order? There is a fundamental underlying problem that needs to be remedied.

[Displaced Flames fan]

Originally Posted by Mike F

Sounds like a disgusting place, and the parents should be ashamed of themselves, but unless the kids are being physically abused or their health is being compromised it's better for them to stay with their parents.

It's incredibly traumatic for kids to be separated from their parents and it's almost inevitable that kids who spend any extended period of time in the foster care system end up damaged long term by the experience.

Kudos for helping . The best thing you could do for the kids is to try to help the parents turn things around.

Well said. Especially the Kudos part. That really says something about the person you are Cam. I would suggest a heart to heart with the parents where you tell them if you see it get like that again you'll turn them in yourself. You need to pop in now and again IMO. This might be enough of a scare for them that they make the necessary changes though.

5 kids those ages is a tough thing to deal with for anyone. I don't envy them.

[CaramonLS]

...

[Incinerator]

Originally Posted by fotze

Don't help until he gets a vasectomy

no kiddin', they're popping out one every year practically. I don't know how any mother can endure that...

On your issue of helping: "Build a man a fire, you will warm him up for the night; Teach a man how to build a fire, you will warm him up for life." I agree with others in this thread, if you really want to help, get them to clean up their life, helping them to clean up the house is not the answer long term.

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally Posted by CaramonLS

I was cleaning the kids rooms and I actually felt physically ill while doing it. Not just from the digusting sights, but rather the odour.

It was really bad. Needless to say, I took a very long shower when I got home today.

And if you stank just from being there, imagine how the kids smell when they go to school. It can really impede their ability to make friends and may even cause bullying. Bad things which can hurt their emotional development.

[Flames_Gimp]

wow, it's beyond me how someone could let their home become that messy, 5 kids or not... good for you for helping, but man....

[Fire]

Apparently the father is too lazy to use a condom as well.

[I-Hate-Hulse]

The question the parents haven't seemed to have answered is: How the hell did the place turn into this mess, and why have you allowed this to continue? If they don't have a solution to that, they shouldn't get their kids back as it's a matter of time until it reverts to it's disgusting state.

I mean, human and rabbit crap on the floors? C'mon, even your average 5 yr old knows thats wrong. I can't believe they've reproduced 5 times.

Child Welfare will be all over them in the future. Once reported, it'll be tough to shake em.

[evman150]

Roll-over Preview: "I'm friends with this couple, I've known them for a couple of yea..."

Wow was I wrong about the subject of this thread.

I really don't know about this one. Human feces? That's pretty bad. I think you did the right thing for the moment, but I don't know for sure about these people living with children. But you are the one that knows them, so you can make a much more educated decision than any of us can. If you think they are capable of learning and changing, do what you can to help. If you don't think they are, just stay out of things and let child services do their thing.

[JiriHrdina]

Good on ya for helping them.

Have you thought about sitting down with them and asking them WTF? Basically asking how they could let things get so bad and if there's something else going on that maybe they need more help with (professional that is)?

[ken0042]

I agree with what people say with the kudos for helping part. And in my mind the reason why everybody is saying kudos is that fact that this isn't your responsibility. I think about my circle of friends, and there's people who I would get involed with, but for others like as you describe as "casual acquaintances" I would be inclined to offer some labour to help them with the current situation, but not to be the one who has to come up with a permanent solution.

You mention that these people consider you to be a good friend; I ask you what they have done for you to show their friendship? I'm not saying they have to be doing things for you all the time, but I know that I do stuff for my friends, and then when I need help they are always willing to help me out. It never works out 100% even, but friendship is a 2 way street.

[Cowperson]

Tell them you consider them friends and that you were happy to help them this time but that if you are called again on this topic, you couldn't responsibly help a second time.

I would initially say there is no excuse for something like that but . . . . that may not be true. The mother might suffer from depression as an example and may need some help. Or maybe both do.

Cowperson

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by Flames_Gimp

wow, it's beyond me how someone could let their home become that messy, 5 kids or not... good for you for helping, but man....

Well, sometimes people get in a bad rut where they have to exist in an exhausted state for the majority of their waking hours. This constant, steady exhaustion can be quite numbing and disconnecting for a lot of people. This can lead to depression where the individual has difficulty seeing the big picture. It's really a matter of people getting in over their heads and either not having the support system where they can ask for help or simply not being able to ask for help. You would be surprised how much it happens.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

I'd say helping is the right thing to do, I don't know what would make people let things go the the point that the house is that bad, however it does happen in some cases.

I believe in helping whenever and when ever possible (sometimes doing nothing is helping). I'd say helping clean and get their affairs into order is perfectly fine, hell I'd be doing the same thing.

I would talk to them about it though, in a calm polite manner. Say you don't want to see anything like that happen again, and if you feel upto checking in every so often that's cool, if not, that's cool too.

I try and be the kind of person that will drop anything if a friend needs me (dropped writing a paper once, and passed it in late because a friend needed me). I would talk it though, and see if you can find out how it got to that point, and offer them suggestions and alternatives on how to change. The last thing you want to be doing right now is telling them what to do, but giving options is the best way to give advice IMO, that way people are still choosing for themselves, and they still have to weight pros/cons/consequences etc.

[Flashpoint]

Next time just get the family to clear out, and torch the place.

Then claim the insurance and buy a new house.

Everybody wins.


(except the insurance company, people who buy insurance, the neighbours, the firemen...ok, maybe not such a great idea).