So, to make a long story short, I was contacted by someone on Facebook who it turns out we have the same biological father. My father and the women he had an affair with gave her up for adoption and a family in Saskatchewan adopted her. She met him once 16 years ago and unfortunately, he passed away and she was looking for him since.
She ended up contacting me to let me know about this family secret. I chatted with her tonight for a while and I think it's all legit. It's such a weird experience though and kind of emotional.
I accepted her and told her if she has any questions not to hesitate to ask. I also gave her a lot of information about his life. He told her about me and my sister, but that he didn't want us to know about her and she respected that privacy.
I guess I don't have any questions per se. Has anyone around here experienced a similar situation? It's just crazy to me. Up until now, it was just my sister and I in Canada with no other blood relatives. Now I found out that I have another sister and to top it off, she has 9 kids! My mind is so blown right now.
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Congrats I guess for finding out you have a relative. I guess it's a dichotomy eh? Exciting yet scary, amongst other things.
TBH, I don't know what you're supposed to think. But IMO, just because you're blood related doesn't mean you have significant obligations to them. Maybe I'm just a little cynical after reading that other thread a few months back about the poster whose relatives left a mess in his basement.
Not sure you want the advice, but IMO if I were you, I'd start the conversation and expectations no differently than if you were hoping to meet a neighbor for the first time. That way, you don't let titles/"family" muddy or confuse the situation. Whatever you'd do for a new neighbor, do for this sister. Go further if you'd like once the ice is broken, but following the same rules you would for someone you'd want to start a friendship with is IMO the easiest way to figure things out without going too quickly or slowly.
Not at all the same situation, but my brother and I started interacting with a 2nd cousin about two to three years ago. She came to visit and since she was technically a relative, we sorta went a little overboard in entertaining her to the point we almost got sick of her after her visit (didn't help she was more than happy to take us up on offers we shouldn't have offered). However, once we started doing what we'd do for any other out of town friend, things were fine for her second visit. It's definitely cool to share about our side of the family to her and vice versa though (long story short, our grandparents had a falling out, but our parents and us cousins are fine with one another).
Congrats. I hope more exciting things unfold with you and your sister.
pretty interesting, but is there any way to back up her claim? I've read a few stories where it ended up not being true. a few where after establishing the relationship, the requests for financial assistance start coming.
pretty interesting, but is there any way to back up her claim? I've read a few stories where it ended up not being true. a few where after establishing the relationship, the requests for financial assistance start coming.
I would reckon he could do DNA testing if he really wanted to, no?
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Captain James P. DeCOSTE, CD, 18 Sep 1993
I hate to be judgmental, but 9 kids is a red flag. We are no longer in an era where 3 of your kids will die from scurvy or rheumatic fever etc. Having that many kids in the modern world can be the result of religious zealotry, lack of basic personal responsibility (birth control etc.), orrrr...maybe she just really likes kids (doubtful). Be cautious about getting too close to her too quickly.
Now if she had 6 or 7 kids, I might still raise an eyebrow, but 9 kids is a crazy amount these days.
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I hate to be judgmental, but 9 kids is a red flag. We are no longer in an era where 3 of your kids will die from scurvy or rheumatic fever etc. Having that many kids in the modern world can be the result of religious zealotry, lack of basic personal responsibility (birth control etc.), orrrr...maybe she just really likes kids (doubtful). Be cautious about getting too close to her too quickly.
Now if she had 6 or 7 kids, I might still raise an eyebrow, but 9 kids is a crazy amount these days.
Maybe she just wanted her own baseball team.
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I hate to be suspicious, but, yeah, if she's after any kind of inheritance/financial aid, you might want to consult with a lawyer just to make sure your flank is covered. Also I agree, if she wants to get closer, a DNA test might be in order.
There are too many scammers out there.
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I had a family member find out after about 25 years of marriage that a woman he'd had relations with pre-marriage had gotten pregnant and never told him.
Our entire family was cool with it and the unknown daughter was accepted into our family. We're not super close but she's at most major family functions and seems to be happy finally knowing her biological dad after all these years.
I think it's kind of cool, hope it all works out for you.
Last edited by Cecil Terwilliger; 06-06-2018 at 09:16 AM.
I'd be getting a DNA test to confirm. If it angers her and she's upset about you wanting to do that, that's an immediate red flag. If she's cool with it and it turns out it isn't a match, well no harm no foul. Life goes back to what it was before. If it turns out it's a match, congrats you have a new sister and 9 (lol) new nephews/nieces to build bonds with.
But get the DNA test. It's cool that someone who might potentially be a family member wants to reach out and reconnect. But realistically, we sadly live in a world full of scammers and people who are willing to take advantage of the kindness of others for their own personal benefit. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking a DNA test.
I just found out I have a sister...
