Being shot down because of my skin colour

[DJRice]

Ok, let me give the rundown here. I don't know how anyone, anyone can even argue, saying it is NOT racial discrimination. Give an example - you meet a girl through a friend of yours, blind date like setup, though at first you just start with online chat. Anyways, the girl is arab, she instantly assumes that you are arab as well, judging from your pic. She really turns up her interest in your conversations, wants to make plans, do this and that, tries to move things along rather quickly within the 5 days that you two are talking. And yet, she is just assuming this, doesn't even ask to confirm! *shakes head*

Two days later, she asks for more pics, so you go out of your way to take more that day and send to her online. She then realizes, she had mistaken you for being arab. Right away, she avoids conversation with you, makes up all this bologne, and holds off on plans, etc. You could sense that something was bothering her, so you question her about it. She says, she is bothered how you are not arabic. She prefers to not only date guys of her own race, but even mingle and associate with guys of her same race.

Mentally, she may not think she is racist, but the way she is labelling her preferences and the "no slack" restrictions is what heavily gives off that impression. I know for a fact, that it is racial discrimination. For example, my cousin and his family are the exact same way (thank god my family are the opposite)...it mostly comes from the parents, they simply would kill their own son or at least disown him if he were to bring home a woman outside of their own race. They will not even give a chance what so ever to anyone outside of their own race to have a friendship with their own son. This is the exact same situation as this girl, how the heck is that not racial discrimination? Whenever, you view other races as "below" your own race, and/or other races to be "inferior" to yours, that my friends is racism! No questions asked! How can anyone ever deny that?

So, I then mention how I feel things will being going nowhere between us and since she "prefers to only mingle/ have anything to do with arab guys" then why waste anymore of each others time right? Thats the most logical decision. She gets all defensive, saying Im overreacting? Overreacting? How the heck am I overreacting? She is totally contradicting herself, by saying she only wants to mingle with arab guys, then says I shouldnt back out? WTF!

Some quotes from her talking about this online.

Quote

"I prefer to only mingle with guys of my own race."
"I only go for arabs."
"Im not racist, because I have a colour TV"
"Youre my type, youre just not arab"

Gee, thats some pretty damn strict preferences if you ask me. Pretty blunt to say the least. The last two remarks are the ones that really bother me...I dont know why, they just do.

[JiriHrdina]

Is there a difference between what she is saying and someone saying "I only go for blondes"?

The TV comment is odd though.

[4X4]

Why fight it? Ditch the bitch. If she had said that her dad would be choked that she was dating a non-arab, that'd be good reason to pursue her further.
Since it's clearly her, roll your eyes & keep looking.

[Agamemnon]

I wouldn't be surprised if there were TONS of white guys (many of my friends included... maybe myself), who might not overtly say "I only date white chicks', but at the same time, they 'feel' that they are only attracted to caucasians. Is this racism? Is it racist when you harbour no ill-will towards any other races, but prefer to stick with your own 'kind' in romantic circles?

I think this is an interesting question, because, being a white Canadian, I find myself attracted _more_ to white females than other races. Am I a racist? I've _got_ to believe that at least around half the guys on this site are in the same boat I'm in. I prefer to blame it on anything else but myself... for now. I certainly don't _feel_ racist (checks arms and legs quickly)... maybe this is what it feels like... a socialized-nothing.

Some sociologist, enlighten us!

[FireFly]

Yup. That's racist. However, it may be she is scared of what her parents would think, and is learning from them.

Just because she doesn't want to mingle, etc with anyone outside her race, that doesn't necessarily mean she looks down on other races. Some are taught that they will be corrupted by other races/peoples beliefs.

As redneck as my parents are, (read: father,) when I brought home an Iranian man, they didn't even flinch. It wasn't until after we broke up that they teased me about it. I've since dated black men, and other arabs. My best friend is Vietnamese. I do however prefer to date white men now. Why? Is that racist? I find them more attractive and generally speaking, my beliefs often conflict with those of other cultures.

If a person is looking for a serious relationship, they need to find people with similar beliefs. Religion, (or lack thereof,) is cause to major arguments in many relationships. If you start dating an arab, and they want their children to be raised Muslim or something else you don't believe in, would you allow that? If you're athiest, would you marry a Christian and allow them to take your kids to church?

Self preservation. Why fall in love with someone, or waste your time with someone you know it could never work with?

[Patek23]

I find Asian chicks pretty darn attractive myself.

[calculoso]

She's saying you're her type, but obviously you aren't.

[KevanGuy]

She probably doesnt want to talk to you because you went to the Stampede alone.

[JiriHrdina]

Originally posted by KevanGuy@Sep 7 2005, 04:59 PM
She probably doesnt want to talk to you because you went to the Stampede alone.

Bravo!

[CaramonLS]

Originally posted by Agamemnon@Sep 7 2005, 10:53 PM
I wouldn't be surprised if there were TONS of white guys (many of my friends included... maybe myself), who might not overtly say "I only date white chicks', but at the same time, they 'feel' that they are only attracted to caucasians. Is this racism? Is it racist when you harbour no ill-will towards any other races, but prefer to stick with your own 'kind' in romantic circles?

I think this is an interesting question, because, being a white Canadian, I find myself attracted _more_ to white females than other races. Am I a racist? I've _got_ to believe that at least around half the guys on this site are in the same boat I'm in. I prefer to blame it on anything else but myself... for now. I certainly don't _feel_ racist (checks arms and legs quickly)... maybe this is what it feels like... a socialized-nothing.

Some sociologist, enlighten us!

I'm in the same situation as Aga. I don't consider myself a racist, yet I don't feel any attraction toward people who aren't white. (Honestly, I don't even find myself sexually attracted to Halle).

I have friends who are different races, but when it comes to dating, I'm just not attracted.

But I'm not entirely sure if thats the same issue being discussed.

[Barnes]

Discrimination, yes. Close minded, yes. Tell this girl to go pound sand next time she trys to talk to you. If she thinks this way then she will have a bitch of a time in life when she was to work with people of different backgrounds. I feel sorry for her. Ask her how she would feel if you owned a store and you casualy mentioned to her that you prefer whitea/Asian/black/male customers.
________
NEW RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FORUMS

[DJRice]

Originally posted by Agamemnon@Sep 7 2005, 03:53 PM
I wouldn't be surprised if there were TONS of white guys (many of my friends included... maybe myself), who might not overtly say "I only date white chicks', but at the same time, they 'feel' that they are only attracted to caucasians. Is this racism? Is it racist when you harbour no ill-will towards any other races, but prefer to stick with your own 'kind' in romantic circles?

I think this is an interesting question, because, being a white Canadian, I find myself attracted _more_ to white females than other races. Am I a racist? I've _got_ to believe that at least around half the guys on this site are in the same boat I'm in. I prefer to blame it on anything else but myself... for now. I certainly don't _feel_ racist (checks arms and legs quickly)... maybe this is what it feels like... a socialized-nothing.

Some sociologist, enlighten us!

good point, I agree. I understand that people have preferences, I admit I do as well - just not to the extreme as hers. Though, I may be more attracted to a certain type of girls, doesnt mean Im unwilling to give a chance to any girl out there. Because beauty is only skin deep, and I dont judge people by their skin colour.

But when you see other races as inferior to your own, or cannot bring home a person of another race to meet their parents, now that is total BS.

[Resolute 14]

She might also have religious beliefs that outright forbid, or greatly frown on interracial relationships.

I tend to agree with Agamemnon. While I won't rule it out, because who knows what direction fate chooses to take me, I can't really see myself falling for a black woman. Personally, I don't see this as a racial thing, but societal.

I believe the general aversion to dating people outside your culture/social transcends all races. Overwhelmingly, people choose to be with people from their own culture. Walk though any mall and you mainly see all white couples, all black, all latino, all asian, etc. It even breaks down further. I know a couple people who are strongly religious, and they will only consider people who practice the same religion.

There are all kinds of exceptions to this, obviously, but I wouldnt classify it as an overtly bigoted behaviour. Passively, perhaps.

[I-Hate-Hulse]

I'll be the 1st to take on hate and discrimination, but even I have to say this this isn't really a case of racism. I've also been in your shoes, and can relate that it sucks but there's nothing you can do as it's a question of personal preference. Boils down to the right of the individual to date and mate with whomever they choose.

You have the potential to show her that dating outside her race could be a whole new world but quite frankly, I'd have to make sure she'd worth it before I tackle that bear. More likely, I'd call her narrow minded for dating soley based on race.

Happens with all races and religions. Some of the most diehard Christian friends I have swear they could not marry someone who wasn't one also as they just wouldn't "understand". Narrow minded, but that's their right when it comes to dating and marriage.

[DJRice]

Originally posted by Barnes@Sep 7 2005, 04:05 PM
Discrimination, yes. Close minded, yes. Tell this girl to go pound sand next time she trys to talk to you. If she thinks this way then she will have a bitch of a time in life when she was to work with people of different backgrounds. I feel sorry for her. Ask her how she would feel if you owned a store and you casualy mentioned to her that you prefer whitea/Asian/black/male customers.

Very good idea - if she ever talks to me again, Ill mention this.

[Clarkey]

Stop being a drama queen. Everyone has their types. You are not hers.

[DJRice]

Originally posted by Snakeeye@Sep 7 2005, 04:09 PM
She might also have religious beliefs that outright forbid, or greatly frown on interracial relationships.

I tend to agree with Agamemnon. While I won't rule it out, because who knows what direction fate chooses to take me, I can't really see myself falling for a black woman. Personally, I don't see this as a racial thing, but societal.

Yip, that's true. And how I see it is, when we first started chatting online, who the heck in god's name said that we had to instantly find romance? Just because we were talking, means we were gonna get serious? Gimme a break! Obviously she has never heard of just starting off as friends.

Once she had realized I wasnt arab, she immediately crossed me out and fed me to the wolves like bloody roadkill. Not even a bloody chance to become friends.

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

Maybe you're ugly and she was just trying to be nice

Seriously though, I don't really see it as being too racist. Maybe she doesn't think white/chinese/black guys are good looking.

Maybe it's a religoious thing. Is it wrong for a jewish man to only want to date Jewish women, because they share the same faith? I wouldn't want to date a scientologist beause I think my beleifs and theirs would not work out, does that make it racist?

If someone doesn't want to hang out with people because of their skin/religion/whatever, fine, that is probably a little racist (ethnocentric would probably be the more apt and less harsh sounding word, though it really is just semantics at that point), but as long as they don't disrespect or mistreat those people it's not that bad, and it probably isn't something you should get upset about.

If it's a religous thing, I'd say she's 100% in the right, if it's more of a skin colour only issue, I'd have to say a girl that closed minded isn't worth the effort anyway.

That's the real kicker, I wouldn't want to hang out with people who would only hang out with x-type of people, so it doesn't bother me if I'm not in that x-type and they don't want to hang out with me.

[calculoso]

Originally posted by DJRice@Sep 7 2005, 05:18 PM
Once she had realized I wasnt arab, she immediately crossed me out and fed me to the wolves like bloody roadkill. Not even a bloody chance to become friends.

She obviously knows what she wants and you aren't it. At least she had the decency to tell you and not let you languish in silence.

Would you be as offended if she said she wasn't attracted to you? That your nose was too big or small?

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Originally posted by KevanGuy@Sep 7 2005, 04:59 PM
She probably doesnt want to talk to you because you went to the Stampede alone.

But that would be like going to a bar by yourself. Or walking down the street!