Dealing with a toxic coworker

[AcGold]

So I have a co-worker I tried to help out in our spare time. He has music projects and I'm a producer so we had a working relationship outside of work. Turns out he's incredibly toxic and mentally unstable. As I was helping he turned into a bully, I confronted him on it and he reacted like a small child. End of relationship, kind of.

So now this guy hates my guts even though I was helping him in my spare time for absolutely zero benefit to myself. I helped push his music career forward substantially and got their first record made. Now when I see him at work he loathes me, he wants to create conflict and bully me around. I simply don't want to talk to him ever. I'm sick of him but he's trying to torment me now, gaslighting and psychological games and my work area is confined at times so he has a real easy time cornering me.

How do I get someone to leave me alone that is seeking confrontation? It's so tense a fist fight is possible at any moment and I don't know how to just get him to leave me alone for good. I've never dealt with such a toxic person in my life. Management will not help, there is no appeal to HR. I have to deal with it on my own. Are there any words to get him to forget him about me? Anyway to say go away without him trying to grab me and we end up fighting in the parking lot?

[peter12]

Get out of there, or destroy him.

[Looch City]

Restraining order?

[Knut]

Just watch the office and take Ideas about what Jim did to Dwight all those years.

[KevanGuy]

Frame a coworker to divert his attention.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by AcGold

So I have a co-worker I tried to help out in our spare time. He has music projects and I'm a producer so we had a working relationship outside of work. Turns out he's incredibly toxic and mentally unstable. As I was helping he turned into a bully, I confronted him on it and he reacted like a small child. End of relationship, kind of.

So now this guy hates my guts even though I was helping him in my spare time for absolutely zero benefit to myself. I helped push his music career forward substantially and got their first record made. Now when I see him at work he loathes me, he wants to create conflict and bully me around. I simply don't want to talk to him ever. I'm sick of him but he's trying to torment me now, gaslighting and psychological games and my work area is confined at times so he has a real easy time cornering me.

How do I get someone to leave me alone that is seeking confrontation? It's so tense a fist fight is possible at any moment and I don't know how to just get him to leave me alone for good. I've never dealt with such a toxic person in my life. Management will not help, there is no appeal to HR. I have to deal with it on my own. Are there any words to get him to forget him about me? Anyway to say go away without him trying to grab me and we end up fighting in the parking lot?

Sorry this seems odd to me. If the actions of one employee are making another employee uncomfortable at work, then I would suggest that Mgt or/& HR should be involved.

I am interested in the reasons HR & management gave to you on why they would not be involved.

[Otto-matic]

Originally Posted by Hes

Just watch the office and take Ideas about what Jim did to Dwight all those years.

Worked for me.

[NuclearFart]

See if you can get some written incrimination (eg. email) from him, and take it to HR. Nothing makes HR act faster than evidence that could be taken outside of the company if they do nothing.

[Locke]

What would Dr. Dre do?

[ResAlien]

You have to assert your dominance. You could try strategically urinating around your workplace in order to mark your territory, cornering him in the washroom and staring him down whilst baring your teeth, or proudly displaying your fully engorged manhood throughout the workday in order to both intimidate him and demonstrate your virility.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by ResAlien

You have to assert your dominance. You could try strategically urinating around your workplace in order to mark your territory, cornering him in the washroom and staring him down whilst baring your teeth, or proudly displaying your fully engorged manhood throughout the workday in order to both intimidate him and demonstrate your virility.

ah now I know why your fly "broke"

[peter12]

All of this stupidity aside, I've been in your situation, ACGold, with a very unpredictable, vicious, and mindlessly-competitive co-worker. She was about 15 years older than me, in a slightly junior role, and did everything she could to undermine, gossip, and gaslight me. She was also a queen brown-noser, and as a result, management felt it was my fault for being too sensitive. HR, as usual, was totally useless.

It got to the point where I had to leave, and find other work.

[calumniate]

AcGold - didn't you have a similar bad employment situation at a warehouse or something? Hope you don't mind me going down this road, but is there anything you could do yourself to better the situation, or do you just have really, really bad luck?

[AcGold]

^That job is behind me. I knew he was negative but I felt sorry for him because his life wasn't going so good so I tried to lend a helping hand (mistake). He used me, gave nothing back and then I wised up. The pattern you recognize probably is from being so naive and trusting. From here on out the only relationships are going to be mutually beneficial and positive, no more handouts. I have a tendency to be too empathetic (even if you guys think I'm a total nutbar here, it's the only place to let out the real crazy haha).

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

Sorry this seems odd to me. If the actions of one employee are making another employee uncomfortable at work, then I would suggest that Mgt or/& HR should be involved.

I am interested in the reasons HR & management gave to you on why they would not be involved.

Yeah I would report him to HR, but this guy is nuts. Like stabby stabby eyes. Getting him in trouble will only exacerbate the problem ten fold. Maybe just quit... it is a part timer anyways.

[photon]

What about documenting everything extensively? Write down every interaction and just keep forwarding them to management and HR?

Hidden video camera? Or heck, just every time he tries to talk just start recording on the cell phone.

EDIT: Oh yeah if someone is willing to escalate much further, provoking them might be a bad thing.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by AcGold

Yeah I would report him to HR, but this guy is nuts. Like stabby stabby eyes. Getting him in trouble will only exacerbate the problem ten fold. Maybe just quit... it is a part timer anyways.

Photon has good advice. The initial discussions with HR/Mgt should be confidential. If you are concerned they won't be, then #### it get out.

Originally Posted by photon

What about documenting everything extensively? Write down every interaction and just keep forwarding them to management and HR?

Hidden video camera? Or heck, just every time he tries to talk just start recording on the cell phone.

EDIT: Oh yeah if someone is willing to escalate much further, provoking them might be a bad thing.

[taco.vidal]

Originally Posted by peter12

All of this stupidity aside, I've been in your situation, ACGold, with a very unpredictable, vicious, and mindlessly-competitive co-worker. She was about 15 years older than me, in a slightly junior role, and did everything she could to undermine, gossip, and gaslight me. She was also a queen brown-noser, and as a result, management felt it was my fault for being too sensitive. HR, as usual, was totally useless.

It got to the point where I had to leave, and find other work.

The beta male solution.

[Leeman4Gilmour]

If he started the thread what would he say? There's always two sides and good, solid, random stranger internet advice cannot be given without knowing both of them.

[peter12]

Originally Posted by taco.vidal

The beta male solution.

Haha, yes. Of course.

[troutman]

I loved Zell Miller challenging Conan to a duel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSu5mgjurhA

Zell: You have insulted me, and now I demand satisfaction!
Conan: What are you talking about?
Zell: I challenge you to meet me tomorrow on the field of Alldar we will each walk ten paces then I will turn and put my musket ball through your insolent brain!
Conan: Wait a minute I haven't, I'm not going to shoot guns with you.
Zell: Then swords it is! At dawn tomorry I shall skewer your spleen with my Confederate saber and feed your bowls to my ravenous blood hound Antietam.
Conan: Wait I'm sorry I am not having a sword fight with you.
Zell: Well then I will bash your head in with a trash can lid!
Conan: No, No, Sir I'm sorry but none of this is going to happen
Zell: Then you leave me no choice, but to fight you baboon style!
Conan: Baboon Style?
Zell: That's right sir, meet me in the Jungle Canopy, were we will both present our red and swollen posteriors, whose ever backside is most inflamed will get to plant his seed dominant seed in the simian womb of the female baboon! Eight A.M. tomorrow!
Conan: Sir, sir you're not a baboon
Zell: How dare you!