Is it appropriate to....?

[Coach]

Have no idea who to ask this question, so I figured I'd check the CP braintrust and possibly create a thread for others to ask questions about social conventions in an effort to possibly avoid awkward situations, looking stupid, or being embarrassed.

The lady friend and I broke up a few weeks ago. She was my date for my buddy's wedding taking place next weekend. We had the bachelor party this past weekend and I brought it up with him that I was going to minus my +1 for the wedding. It's not a big deal, but it's too late to rework seating, and not everyone got the +1 option. So while he's cool if I don't have a date, it would be nice if I could fill the spot. Fair enough.

There's a girl at my office who I feel there's been at least a little connection with, particularly before I started seeing my now ex. She's someone I would consider a "work friend" (ie, hang out at corp functions, go for after work drinks with colleagues every so often, etc..) but we've never really hung out solo outside of work, although it's been implied that we should multiple times. She even suggested we go to the fancy corp xmas party together when neither of us had dates and she just took a friend.

Anyways, really just wondering if it's appropriate to ask this person to come to the wedding. I don't look at it like a date, just someone cool to be arm candy for the evening (and yes, her being single and attractive is a good bonus). Mainly concerned about the late notice and what the girl might think of the invitation. Any insight/advice would be helpful. Thanks!

[undercoverbrother]

I am sure if you use terms like "arm candy" the request will go well.


JK


I think it is fine to invite her, but you might want to be honest about why you find yourself short a +1. As long you are honest with her, it is fine.

The only time I reckon it would be odd is if it was a destination wedding.

PS: set some ground rules, like she can't try to catch the bouquet.


One further but of advice, depending on the people going to the wedding (you know best) it can be a very enjoyable night as a single guy.

[WhiteTiger]

Can't hurt to ask, thought with it being such short notice I'd expect an "I already have plans, sorry".

[troutman]

Would you like the office girl to become your girlfriend? If so, maybe it is too soon for you to go down that path. Give your self time to get over the last relationship.

[edslunch]

Explain it to her just like you explained it to us and let her decide

[Huntingwhale]

Casually mention to her that you don't have a date for the wedding and how awkward it will be, etc. In my experience if a girl wants you to invite her, she will do the whole ''I love weddings!'' thing, or at least make it obvious she wants an invite and will be your date. If she doesn't want to go, she'll give you the whole ''oh well, that sucks!'' speech and leave it at that.

[underGRADFlame]

Umm if Wedding Crashers taught us all anything... Go solo! LOL

[Coach]

Yeah I really have no problem giving her the whole spiel up front and I don't think it would bother her at all quite frankly. In fact, I think she'd welcome the casual nature of the whole thing, even though the setting of one of my best friends' wedding isn't exactly casual.


Dating her or getting lucky really isn't a concern for me at all, like I said, just nice to have a person cool to chill with, an automatic dance partner, etc...

Really I'm mostly concerned with filling the seat because my buddy paid for it and as a good friend of his I was given the privilege of a +1 invite, and I want to show respect for that.

[Ducay]

Huntingwhale nailed it.

Asking a girl to a wedding for a first date is a huggggeee move. And yes, she will see it as such. Probably increases chances of rejection too.

Sounds like a lose/lose situation. Go solo.

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

Totally appropriate and acceptable.

[Bill Bumface]

Is it appropriate to......

.... start a thread with a completely vague title?

No.

Ask the girl to the wedding? Sure. If you're confident that you know her well enough to carry conversation for that long, and she's easy going enough she'll chat with other people when you're off with your friends catching up at various times in the night.

If she likes you, it's not like the scope of your first date is going to make or break the whole thing. If she doesn't, you weren't likely to win her over no matter what approach you tried.

[Flash Walken]

Originally Posted by MattyC

Yeah I really have no problem giving her the whole spiel up front and I don't think it would bother her at all quite frankly. In fact, I think she'd welcome the casual nature of the whole thing, even though the setting of one of my best friends' wedding isn't exactly casual.


Dating her or getting lucky really isn't a concern for me at all, like I said, just nice to have a person cool to chill with, an automatic dance partner, etc...

Really I'm mostly concerned with filling the seat because my buddy paid for it and as a good friend of his I was given the privilege of a +1 invite, and I want to show respect for that.

Hmm, I think you're setting yourself up for some potential no-win situations.

Like trout said, if you think you might want an actual relationship with this person, you're better off waiting and letting that develop more naturally, especially once you've shed the skin of the previous relationship.

Also, if you DO want a relationship with this person, inviting them to a wedding is skipping some potentially necessary dating stages, stages that you might not want to skip if the overall health of the relationship is something you're interested in preserving.

I dunno, man, Weddings have lots of implications surrounding them.

[Coach]

Originally Posted by Bill Bumface

Is it appropriate to......

.... start a thread with a completely vague title?

I used the title the way I did so people could use the same thread for other random questions about social conventions (ala the WGMG thread or any other ongoing thing).

[Coach]

Originally Posted by Flash Walken

I dunno, man, Weddings have lots of implications surrounding them.

Yeah, this is really the crux of my issue. Like I said, I'm not looking for, or expecting anything to develop. And the implications are what I'm looking to avoid. She won't be meeting a bunch of family or anything, but a good chunk of my good friends will be there.

I've taken friends to weddings before without issue, but I guess my problem is that this person isn't the de facto platonic friend that would normally accompany someone in this situation.

[calf]

If you've never hung out before outside of work, I'd say a wedding is one of the worst places to break the ice.

I say this since you're a good buddy of the groom, and I assume you'd know a lot of the other guests and will be chatting with them throughout the night, leaving her to either just stand there take in the conversation, or force small talk with strangers all night. Or you end up babysitting her, and she feels guilty for taking time away from your friends. Even though you say you're not expecting something to develop out of this...you do kinda mention that you wouldn't mind it down the road...and if it ends up not being a good time for either of you, it could definitely no longer be an option.

Another thing to consider is how gossipy your office is...what happens when people start talking about the 2 of you going to a wedding together? It could be nothing, but something to think about.

I say bring a wingman who knows some of the other party guests, who didn't quite make the invite cut. You won't have to worry about the awkward hosting duties you need to do with a date who doesn't know anyone there, you can do your own thing and still have a good time.

OR, if you know just the couple getting married and not many people else, then it's fine as you'd need someone to hang out with, as you'd only get a few minutes to chat with the groom anyways. But keep the messaging as the meals been ordered and need to bring a plus 1.

[Flames89]

Bring her. That is what adults do.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Bring your grandfather to the wedding.

[Looch City]

Disappointed no one has asked the most important question yet....

Is it an open bar wedding?

[Coach]

Originally Posted by Iggy City

Disappointed no one has asked the most important question yet....

Is it an open bar wedding?

It is! Which I feel is a strong selling point.

[Muta]

Tell her exactly what you told us. If she doesn't want to, bring someone else or don't bring anybody. Pretty simple.

Also, get loaded.