Getting married and having kids by a certain age set by parents
is anyone here in a very traditional family where the parents have a set age for their kids to get married by and another age set for their kids to have kids? I think its the dumbest, most pointless thing in the world. Just like how you must get your post secondary ed done by a certain age. If you are in your 30s and taking courses, youre in trouble.
For instance my aunts are very much like this. All the kids in the entire one side of this family must get married and have kids in perfect order from the oldest to youngest, which is getting married by 27 and having their first kid within the first year or marriage. I dont know about you but thats a pretty steep challenge to have on your kids. Im in the middle and apparently my time has come and gone lol.
What they fail to realize is that not everyones lives will pan out the same way, nor does everyone want the same things in life. But when you're hardcore traditional, there are no excuses.
Then you must have a second kid within two years after having the first. If all this doesnt happen in perfect order, it means something is wrong so they force it on them. Talk about pressure. And this did all happen like how the parents wanted it to, weddings went from the oldest to the youngest and every couple had their first child within a year. Having no kids is not acceptable to them! You are having kids no matter if you are ready for it mentally and financially.
They dont even get to choose and plan their weddings and baby showers! They must be held at a restaurant serving very specific food to their religion and they must spend a certain amount. Anything else and its not acceptable by the parents. *sigh*.
A few of my cousins pretty much were forced by their parents to propose to their gfs at the time for the sake of getitng married, one proposed just 4 months after meeting. The other day my mother told me they just had a baby, i laughed because i know the parents pressured them. You must have a kid no matter what! No excuses! I think its so stupid.
The thing is, these very traditonal families and forcing a timeline for when and who gets married and has kids, this is so common today.
Last edited by ChickenPho; 10-16-2014 at 06:14 PM.
I see where you're coming from, but I don't agree at all that it's common. Sure, the parents want their kids to be married by a certain age and have kids, but it's not really forced on them. Force all you want, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen.
How do you force someone to have a baby? And am I to take it that a simple "#### off mom and dad" won't cut it?
This isn't like getting a haircut to get your old man off your back. It is the biggest thing you'll ever do. Literally changing your life, forever. If you do it on someone else's timeline and at their insistence, you are just asking for trouble.
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is anyone here in a very traditional family where the parents have a set age for their kids to get married by and another age set for their kids to have kids? I think its the dumbest, most pointless thing in the world. Just like how you must get your post secondary ed done by a certain age. If you are in your 30s and taking courses, youre in trouble.
For instance my aunts are very much like this. Their kids must get married and have kids in perfect order from the oldest to youngest, which is getting married by 27 and having their first kid within the first year or marriage. I dont know about you but thats a pretty steep challenge to have on your kids.
Then they must have a second kid within two years after having the first. If all this doesnt happen in perfect order, it means something is wrong so they force it on them. Talk about pressure. And this did all happen like how the parents wanted it to, weddings went from the oldest to the youngest and every couple had their first child within a year. Having no kids is not acceptable to them! You are having kids no matter if you are ready for it mentally and financially.
My cousins pretty much were forced by their parents to propose to their gfs at the time for the sake of getitng married, one proposed just 4 months after meeting. The other day my mother told me they just had a baby, i laughed because i know the parents pressured them. You must have a kid no matter what! No excuses! I think its so stupid.
The thing is, these very traditonal families and forcing a timeline for when and who gets married and has kids, this is so common today.
Not here it isn't. Maybe other places. If someone can't stand up to their parents on something of this magnitude, their life is likely miserable.
Just be very clear with them and stay focused on what you want, but respectful of their wishes. Make sure they understand there is no wiggle room, no more discussions.
I am very thankful my parents have never ever pressured me about marriage or kids. Of course they want me to get married and have children but never have they pressured me.
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If you want more perspective from other Asian-Canadians, go visit this great Canadian forum:http://forums.redflagdeals.com
Check out off topic. Post there. You may get input from others in boats similar to yours, more so than here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChickenPho
is anyone here in a very traditional family where the parents have a set age for their kids to get married by and another age set for their kids to have kids? I think its the dumbest, most pointless thing in the world. Just like how you must get your post secondary ed done by a certain age. If you are in your 30s and taking courses, youre in trouble.
For instance my aunts are very much like this. All the kids in the entire one side of this family must get married and have kids in perfect order from the oldest to youngest, which is getting married by 27 and having their first kid within the first year or marriage. I dont know about you but thats a pretty steep challenge to have on your kids. Im in the middle and apparently my time has come and gone lol.
What they fail to realize is that not everyones lives will pan out the same way, nor does everyone want the same things in life. But when you're hardcore traditional, there are no excuses.
Then you must have a second kid within two years after having the first. If all this doesnt happen in perfect order, it means something is wrong so they force it on them. Talk about pressure. And this did all happen like how the parents wanted it to, weddings went from the oldest to the youngest and every couple had their first child within a year. Having no kids is not acceptable to them! You are having kids no matter if you are ready for it mentally and financially.
They dont even get to choose and plan their weddings and baby showers! They must be held at a restaurant serving very specific food to their religion and they must spend a certain amount. Anything else and its not acceptable by the parents. *sigh*.
A few of my cousins pretty much were forced by their parents to propose to their gfs at the time for the sake of getitng married, one proposed just 4 months after meeting. The other day my mother told me they just had a baby, i laughed because i know the parents pressured them. You must have a kid no matter what! No excuses! I think its so stupid.
The thing is, these very traditonal families and forcing a timeline for when and who gets married and has kids, this is so common today.
Dude you are an adult. Nobody including your parents should be forcing you to do anything you aren't comfortable with or ready for in your life. I get that this is maybe a cultural thing but it doesn't mean you have to bow down to it or follow it against your will. You only get one life and you need to live it your way not the way your parents or tradition dictate it to you.
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Parents who do that to their adult children need to be soaked with a fire hose. Just tell them that you had planned for them to be super wealthy and give you a huge trust fund. Tell them that's what you planned and anything less is unacceptable.
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40, single, do what I want, and every second week I show up at my folks place with some sort of new Motorcycle / Car / Man toy / Girl Friend. And all they ever say is ,"As long as you are happy is all that matters to us."
Sure my mother would love to see me get married one day, and my dad seems to get more envious of my lifestyle by the year.... I don't know how that last one makes me feel, lol since it kinda implies he regrets having me. But at the end of the day, all they care is I am happy, and doing what I want with my life. That is how parents are supposed to act IMO, and exactly how I will treat my kids if I ever have them.
Times are very different now, and IMO a lot of people that are 27 are nowhere near mature enough mentally or financially yet to have kids. Forcing someone to have kids at a certain age for that matter, can lead to disastrous results for an unwanted kid, and is an extremely selfish and self centred move by a grandparent.
The only people who I have known to get pressure from their parents to get married and have kids, are people who are dependent on their parents in some way. Maybe their parents are paying for post secondary, maybe they are working at their parents business, or they are still living with their parents. I'm not sure if this is your situation, I am just speculating.
However if this is you, you desperately need to claim your independence. You need to provide for yourself and not accept anything from your parents. Accepting anything for 'free' leads to some kind of obligation. Your parents will have leverage on you if you are dependent on them for anything significant. This can be used to lean on you to make you do things you don't want too do.
Be your own man and take care of yourself. Nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to do. And if they do tell them to get ####ed.
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Getting married and having kids by a certain age set by parents
