If your significant other was snooping your cell phone/laptop/etc..

[Jets4Life]

What would you do if you found out your partner was spending hours snooping your cell phone or laptop when you were asleep/out of the room/etc? I found this interesting article that delves into the subject:

http://www.derfmagazine.com/columns/...s-men/621.html

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/grap...121_snoop.html

http://affairadvice.wordpress.com/20...n-your-spouse/

IMO, trust is a very important part of a relationship, and even if you suspect your partner is being unfaithful (or various other reasons), I never think it is ok to pry into their texts, Facebook messages, email, etc.

[DoubleF]

My significant other and I both have access and reserve the right to check each other's accounts, texts whatever. It works for us, but might not work for everyone.

I found the openness to be positive in our relationship.

[Sr. Mints]

I think the question for me would be why they feel inclined to keep tabs on me. I'm a pretty open book to begin with.

[pylon]

It would be over two seconds later.

Not because of the snooping, but because it implies she does not trust me.

[Fire of the Phoenix]

I've been married for 10 years and I would feel utterly devastated if my wife did this to me. Not that I have anything to hide, it would show a complete lack of trust. Luckily my wife is awesome and I don't have to worry about this because she trusts me and she is too good of a person to do that. Only someone who is morally bankrupt would invade anyone's privacy like that, much less someone they supposedly care about.

[drewboy12]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

My significant other and I both have access and reserve the right to check each other's accounts, texts whatever. It works for us, but might not work for everyone.

I found the openness to be positive in our relationship.

This is honestly wack...

I agree with Pylon.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by Sr. Mints

I think the question for me would be why they feel inclined to keep tabs on me. I'm a pretty open book to begin with.

That's true too. But seeing for oneself is different than hearing second hand. My GF used to read conversations then used to comment something like, "You guys are so boring." She doesn't really go through my stuff anymore even though she's technically allowed.

Originally Posted by pylon

It would be over two seconds later.

Not because of the snooping, but because it implies she does not trust me.

That's fair too. Just because she read my stuff did not actually mean I was ok with her doing so, which I voiced out to her. Let's not forget the depth of information a phone has. The nakedness you feel when you forget the phone and the psychological nakedness you feel when someone is in your phone are not easy things to get used to. Just because the option is there doesn't mean I'm happy with the option being exercised.


This question isn't a mere yes/no. Some people won't let others touch their phone let alone randomly access data "secretly". Some may allow attributes, tolerate it or refuse completely. That's choice. In the end, I believe one of the biggest parts about this is mutual respect. Mutual respect looks different in different relationships.

[doctajones428]

I was raised to never go through a womans belongings, so I would be completely pissed if she snooped on me

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by drewboy12

This is honestly wack...

I agree with Pylon.

Then I am wack my friend, but it works for us. No one said you have to change your way of life because of the way I am living mine.

Just like I would allow my significant other to drive my car when many others would not even want to be in the car when driven by her.

[pylon]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

Then I am wack my friend, but it works for us. No one said you have to change your way of life because of the way I am living mine.

Just like I would allow my significant other to drive my car when many others would not even want to be in the car when driven by her.

Again, the issue goes WAY deeper than the fact she snooped you.

The issue is she doesn't trust you. Now:

A) You either gave her a reason not to trust you.
B) You are with someone with a severe problem, that will only get worse.

The absolute biggest no-no for me in any relationship is suspicion and jealousy. And I have been in some screwed up relationships where I have over looked some MAJOR flaws.

If you caught your significant other snooping your emails, and phone, I can guarantee you, you have also been followed by them without your knowledge.

[corporatejay]

This has never even occurred to me. I mean, she knows my pws so she could theoretically do it but it simply never even crossed my mind that she would.

To the dude who said "we reserve the right", is this a conversation you've actually had or is it implied?

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by pylon

Again, the issue goes WAY deeper than the fact she snooped you.

The issue is she doesn't trust you. Now:

A) You either gave her a reason not to trust you.
B) You are with someone with a severe problem, that will only get worse.

The absolute biggest no-no for me in any relationship is suspicion and jealousy. And I have been in some screwed up relationships where I have over looked some MAJOR flaws.

If you caught your significant other snooping your emails, and phone, I can guarantee you, you have also been followed by them without your knowledge.

Well, I presumed this was done due to curiosity at the beginning of the relationship. I'm quite certain she hasn't done so in several years now. If I caught her secretly snooping now? Yeah, that's an argument there.

Originally Posted by corporatejay

This has never even occurred to me. I mean, she knows my pws so she could theoretically do it but it simply never even crossed my mind that she would.

To the dude who said "we reserve the right", is this a conversation you've actually had or is it implied?

This was a full conversation. Not implied. Essentially handed her my passwords and said, "You can snoop and check if you want. Prefer you didn't." 2 months (ish) later, she did the same voluntarily without me asking for the access. I never memorized the password. To this day, I still have to ask her for the password if she asks me to check something for her.

I mean technically she asked once if she could read messages, I said yes, she did it a few times without asking again and I argumentatively said I felt better if she asked each time (which she did). I probably misframed this a little bit. This wasn't a "No big deal, here you go full access." this was a process which involved discussing topics that many others are not comfortable in discussing in or dabbling in with individuals they have known for only a few months.

This could have backfired horribly. I know. I'm glad I chose the right person. Also a reason she's my fiance now.

[corporatejay]

^ wow that's hardcore. I wonder how much of this begins from dating when the trust level isn't as high whereas being married this isn't something I worry about.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by corporatejay

^ wow that's hardcore. I wonder how much of this begins from dating when the trust level isn't as high whereas being married this isn't something I worry about.

Hmm... I think it depends. When my SO and I are married, if she randomly on occasion starts reading texts due to boredom (Not sure why she would do that though), I probably wouldn't care. But if she was doing this on a regular basis without me knowing, that's a big issue. I can easily see and believe other think I have misunderstood the question as I am pretty much anti-snooping, but I don't feel I am misunderstanding it. At times I feel like the ability of a one off random snoop can give evidence to regain trust or clarify something.

I definitely could see the odds of snooping going up if trust is low. If someone is snooping expecting to find something bad... that's a bed you make and sleep in. That's a game over right there.

[Tinordi]

Trust is the foundation of all good relationships. Building trust means you have to be trusting and also trustworthy. Is snooping on a cell phone bad? Yes because it implies either someone is not trusting or not trustworthy.

Extremely difficult to rebuild trust once it is lost.

[SeeBass]

To me I consider my cell phone like it is my diary.

The same rules apply.

[EldrickOnIce]

Generally, I assume that people who would have a problem with a significant other looking have something to hide. Which is fine - we all 'hide' things in some way or another to a certain degree. Depends on what really. I consider my phone to be 'public' and treat it as such.

Snooping is entirely different. It's invasive.

II have access to my gf's cell, and she to mine. Grab whichever is closer for a quick Google. We are both also welcome to look through, if we ask. Neither of us has ever asked and I will hope never will. It implies lack of trust

[rbochan]

Question.

Does the significant other work for the NSA?

[TurdFerguson]

I'd be either 2 steps closer to a 3-way or 2 steps closer to a 1-way.

[troutman]

I hope she never discovers my CP username and reads all my brain droppings!