Alzhiemers/Dementia

[Northendzone]

Anyone have any tips on how to deal with a parent who is battling this disease.

Every time I see my mom she has regressed a little more. We recently moved her to an assisted care facility in Evenston; however my dad is still living at his facility off of John Laurie (they have been married for over 50 years).

My dad is breaking down physically, while my mom remains strong physically.

In some ways I am mad at my dad for not giving her more support, but yet, I can't help but think that my mom is likely in the best spot for her.

Neither my sister or I have a home/lifestyle that would be conducive to my mom living with either one of us......

[KevanGuy]

Give http://www.alzheimercalgary.ca/ a call. I've done some work with them in the past, they are great people over there.

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

The important thing is to be there for your entire family, dementias, such as Alzhiemer's Disease, are horrible diseases that really take a lot out of people, especially caregivers, who are very prone to burnout. There are benefits to a facility in some cases, it offers structure (which is very important) and a routine. What I always recommend to people is to go visit your loved one, they may not remember much about you or in advanced cases who you are, but that isn't the important thing, it is about being there for your loved one in a time of need. It is essential to take care of yourself as well and most people are unable to take the time and effort (and it is a lot of effort) that is required in order to have their family member live at home.

My big tips, bring food that they enjoy, people get more frail in their elderly years, a problem exasperated by food they don't enjoy. Pictures of loved ones, if you have kids, get them to make drawings, this makes it more of 'a home' rather than 'the home'. Lastly, talk to someone and encourage your father to do so as well, it is a disease that impacts everyone, not just your mother.

Also look for warning signs of depression in your father, may sound strange but suicide rates in the elderly are very high, in particular amongst widows and people socially isolated if memory serves me correct.

[redforever]

If possible, it is also important for them to keep up with something that they did and enjoyed daily.

For my mother, it was playing her piano. We were lucky that the facility we moved her into was very small, 40 residents, and they let her bring her piano with her. She could play her piano whenever she wanted to...not in the middle of the night of course.

If we visited her on a so called "bad" day, we took her to her piano and had her play and in a matter of 5 to 10 minutes, her memory and general mood improved drastically.

[burnin_vernon]

It is better for her to be in a home. She will get to a point where professional care is essential for hers and others' safety. Just keep being there as much as possible.

I had read shortly after my two grandmothers died of Alzheimers that coconut oil was being studied for its benefits in treating the disease. There were some pretty amazing accounts of recovery, but who knows.

[robbie111]

Coconut oil is great stuff. For Alzheimers also check out colloidal gold which is supposed to ease the effects of Alzheimers and sharpen the mind.

[Calgary4LIfe]

Well, my biggest advice is to educate yourself on Alzheimer's and dementia. Know what to expect and you will just be better prepared to handle it. There is lots and lots of materials out there.

One thing that I can tell you right now is to not 'correct' her. Just go with what she is saying. My dad has dementia, and my mom died many years ago. He had asked me if his wife was coming (didn't really recognize me as his son at that moment, or he would have asked me if my mom was coming). To remind him that she is gone, would be to just give him pain. To just say: "I think she will come later, but not sure." or something like that will just allowed him to move on from the topic and not get stressed, upset, or more depressed.

There are times when you do need to correct someone (if you are caring for that person at home, and they suddenly want to leave at 2am because they need to go to 'work'). Other than that, just go with it. Correcting them will just give them more confusion and often the precursor to a conflict that really does nothing beneficial to anyone.

Most of all, don't get hurt that one day she won't remember you sometimes. Just know that your mom probably loves you, but this is what happens. It isn't like a switch where one day she will not remember you, and will never remember you. It comes and goes, but never take it personally. This is part of memory loss.

As for dealing with your dad - just sounds a lot like to me that he simply doesn't know how to deal with her, and is scared. He might not admit it to you, but that would be my guess without knowing more of the story. He might have also been 'hurt' by not being remembered at times (no idea how far along your mother is).

Just really educate yourself as much as possible so you know what to expect, and be able to deal with things as best as possible as they come up. Music has shown to really help lately, getting her to focus on a task (bring a puzzle or something else to help focus her, something that she likes, even bring in your basket of clothing you need folded and just fold it with her - she wants to feel needed and helpful just as every single one of us do).

[bigtmac19]

Absolutely agree about "not correcting" them. We tried to get my mother to understand this when my Dad was confused, but she insisted on doing it, which of course caused fights and phone calls to my sister and I because she was upset etc. It's very painful, having gone through it with both parents, I don't wish that on anyone. If they are in a facility where they are safe and well cared for that's the best thing. My Dad was on a locked floor and it was heartbreaking to leave there some days because there were a few residents that would wait at the door and try to get out when I left.

It is a hard when your parents start to disappear before your eyes.

[ken0042]

When my grandmother was in her final stages I made sure to prepare my visit. I had cue cards for myself as I knew the conversation would be more of a monologue. I printed off all kinds of pictures to show her. It was tough for me as she was in Brandon and the rest of my family was in Winnipeg; so often my visits were as I was passing through and I was alone. I found it much easier to visit with other family members, as we could have a "family conversation" and she could sit back and enjoy having company there.

Don't take it personally when she doesn't recognize you. My grandmother went from knowing who I was but forgetting my name, to not being sure who I was (but remembering I was somebody she loved; like my dad or my brother in law), and eventually she had no idea who I was.

Also keep in mind you don't have to have "new material" for every visit. I would talk about the same stories or shared memories each visit.

Get to know her support staff, as they might have questions that will help them deal with her. My grandma would forget how much she loved ice cream until somebody put a dish in front of her. She had also told some fantastic stories to the staff, and I was able to tell them which ones were true, and why some of the false ones were stories. (She always dreamed of a "trip around the world", and then in her later stages would talk about the things they had done on that trip.)

[GreenLantern]

Great advice in this thread already but I just wanted to add to the not correcting them with a personal experience. My Grandpa battled Alzheimers for years and some days he would think that my Mom had just passed away and so he wanted to talk about it. As others have said we wouldn't correct him, just humor him.

You have to understand that if these kind of events just happened in their mind then they are re living all of the grief and all of the pain. If you correct them that pain and grief is still there but then you can add confusion, embarrassment and frustration to the mix. Imagine feeling all of that at once, it is more than anyone can take. I also think that he derived some happiness from it as well because he was very religious and would tell us all about how well she was doing in heaven.

This is a family thing and you need everyone to pitch in with their share of support. Nobody should have to carry this alone, especially not your Dad. For my Dad it was kind of tough because his brother and sister both lived in BC, two provinces over from Sask.

Also with the name thing that is common to, he had three Grandsons and I could be anyone of them at any given time. Sometimes I was one of his sons as well, just roll with it and smile.

[troutman]

Can Coconut Oil Reverse Alzheimer’s Disease?

http://www.skepticnorth.com/2012/02/...0%99s-disease/

What about the evidence? I’d answer that, if only I could find any. I did a Pubmed search on the researcher in Act 2 of the story, and she’s published only one study on the effects of esters on the brain…of rats, not humans.

Then I searched for research connecting coconut oil and Alzheimer’s, and got zero results.

So I checked NCCAM for any articles related to coconut oil and found one reference, which found no association between cognitive decline and saturated fats.

Finally, I checked the skeptical search engine to see if any science bloggers had taken a look at the evidence. Orac at Respectful Insolence refers to making similar attempts to find any evidence on this topic, equally unsuccessfully. In another article, Steve Novella has the same experience over at his Neurologica blog. At least it’s not just me.

So what do we take away from all this? That coconut oil is simply the latest health fad to feature that lethal combination of overblown claims and extremely thin science. That there’s no magic food, despite the marketing hype to the contrary. That our best defense is our ability to pick up on the warning signs that something’s amiss, which hopefully prods us to look at the actual evidence or lack thereof. And that every once in a while, skeptics can actually help someone spot those warning signs and question the bogus claims — even if that someone is only their Mom.

http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/coconut-oil/

[troutman]

Collodial Minerals

http://www.quackwatch.com/01Quackery...lminerals.html
http://www.skepdic.com/wallach.html

[Northendzone]

Thanks for the insights all - I feel that we are making the right decision; however, it also feels like the convenient one.

For the most part my mom just sits in a group of people quietly, not saying much. According to the caregivers, peephole with this disease tend to revert to how they were as children - so I guess my mom was a well behave compliant child........

My sister is going to get my mom and bring her to my dad's place today and we are going to have a family visit.

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by KevanGuy

Give http://www.alzheimercalgary.ca/ a call. I've done some work with them in the past, they are great people over there.

I second this.

My wife is a registered social worker and worked at the Alzheimer Society for several years. Specifically, her job title was "Family Support Coordinator", and she specialized in helping people dealing with your exact situation. She last worked there seven years ago, but she's still very familiar with the various resources that are available to family members of dementia patients. If you send me a PM, I'll pass on any questions you have to my wife and get back to you with her responses. She'll also be able to refer you to someone at the Alzheimer Society if you need further assistance.

[CaptainCrunch]

I guess I've been extremely fortunate with my parents who are both heading into their 80's and while they've got that old person forgetfulness that everyone gets, they are mentally sharp, have really good cognitive abilities and pretty decent focus.

I think one of the keys, and I had an aunt that battled dementia is to make sure that they stay engaged , too many people get frustrated and basically throw that relative in the corner of the room.

Be understanding of the spells, but keep them talking, or doing mental and physical activities, and make them feel wanted and engaged.

I have a friend of mine that's going through the Alzheimer thing with his dad, I asked him what he does, and he said lots of board games and lots of chess with good discussions.

[Thor]

My father has had it for 10 years, progressed pretty slowly the first 6-7 years but the last 2 have been worrisome. Like has been said, patience, never correct, often play a long with what they are saying, be warm, make jokes, even laughter when they are confused helps.

Its one of the most difficult things to watch someone you love slowly fade away like this, its not easy ever, but you get used to it to a degree, just make sure you never think "oh I don't have to visit as often cause he'll forget I was even there."

Make frequent visits, I know its tough, but those moments with family mean a lot in the moment.

[maverickstruth]

We're going through similar with my grandma right now. Grandpa is still in great health (mentally and physically), but grandma has just been coded SL4D which basically means her dementia has progressed to the point that she needs more care than can be provided in the senior's lodge that they have been living in for the past year. So, within the next 2 weeks, she'll be moving to a lock-down facility -- and for the first time in 65 years of marriage, Grandpa can't go with her.

In some ways, it's hard for me to understand because they live in Lethbridge and I, of course, am here in Calgary. I talk to my mom weekly, and she gives me updates but it's been so stressful for her and my grandpa, especially recently as they've been trying to figure out what this new living situation will be like. Grandma, of course, doesn't really understand what's happening and gets frustrated and angry as a result. Hard, all the way around.

One thing that this thread made me realize though is related to what Thor said, above:

Originally Posted by Thor

Make frequent visits, I know its tough, but those moments with family mean a lot in the moment.

For the past year or two, whenever I've seen my grandma she always comments on how long it's been since I've seen her.

Today, I realized that - at least recently - part of that is because there's a good chance she literally can't remember the last time she saw me.

This weekend, we're making a special trip down - doing some camping down South - and we'll stop in on Sunday for lunch and a visit.

Apparently, the day after I told mom we'd be coming down was the day they found out that Grandma was needing to move (and that there was a place available pretty much immediately). It was a bad/hard day for mom, grandma and grandpa, all. But Mom said, the only thing that made Grandma smile that whole day (and she *lit* up) was when Mom said that I was coming down for a visit, and she'd get to see me on the weekend.

Today, I look at the forecast and see thunderstorms rolling in to Southern Alberta, which means tenting might be rough - but there's absolutely nothing that can stop me from making that trip.

[troutman]

Myth and reality about Alzheimer's disease

http://www.alzheimer.ca/en/About-dem...imer-s-disease

What’s most important to understand is that Alzheimer's disease is not a normal part of aging.

No treatment can prevent Alzheimer’s disease. Researchers are learning, however, that lifestyle choices that keep mind and body fit may help lower the risk of developing the disease. These choices include being physically active; eating healthy foods including fresh fruits, vegetables and fish; keeping your brain challenged; reducing stress, keeping an eye on your blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol levels; avoiding traumatic brain injury; and keeping socially active.

http://www.alzheimer.ca/en/About-dem...e/Risk-factors

Twice as many women get Alzheimer's disease than men. Many believe that it is in a large part a result of the changes to women's hormones at menopause, in particular the decline of the important hormone estrogen.

[octothorp]

Yeah, my mother has some dementia, and both my grandmother and uncle on her side had similar issues, although fast-onset alzheimers in my uncle's case. I think my family is preparing for the worst, but so far in my mother's case there hasn't been any signs that it's going to be a fast deterioration (all her symptoms are linked to her short-term memory, and while her short term memory is getting worse, there aren't new symptoms).

For us, one of the most difficult questions is weighing length of life with quality of life. My parents have lived all their life on their farm; they have a hard time seeing themselves being happy in any sort of facility. Is it better giving to insist on the absolute best care possible, even if that means they aren't happy? Or is it better try to give them the support necessary to continue to live on their farm for as long as possible? Fortunately, we're not at a point yet where that decision needs to be made, but there probably will be a time for it.

[habernac]

One of my greatest days ever with my Grandmother was well after she had Alzheimer's. We brought out an old photo album. Her short term memory was almost totally gone. But her long term was totally intact. She went back in time, told us stories about everyone in these photos, my dad was writing down all the information to save for later. For 2 whole hours he had his Mom back.