NHL Offseason Bizarro Rankings

[jesters91]

The NHL offseason isn’t over yet; it’s only mid-July, which means we still have roughly seven weeks until training camp starts. But it’s mostly over, in the sense that virtually all the big signings, trades, hirings, and firings have already taken place. While we’ll probably get the occasional surprise or two over the next month, we’re well into the summer dead zone now.

And you know what that means: It’s time to fire up the NHL Offseason Bizarro-meter! Last season we debuted the system for a breakdown of the Toronto Maple Leafs summer moves, and the poor thing barely survived. But we’ve spent the year tweaking the hardware, and we paid for the extended warranty, so let’s push things one step further by running through the entire league and seeing which teams’ moves made the least sense.

Here’s a look back at every team’s offseason so far, broken down by division and ranked in order of increasing Bizarro-meter score.

Note: For our purposes, a team’s offseason is defined as everything that happened from the moment it played its final game.

http://grantland.com/the-triangle/nh...zaro-rankings/

[Komskies]

Always like reading Down Goes Brown articles. He has a pretty good pulse on most NHL teams.

[ForeverFlameFan]

(For those that don't want to click on the link)

Calgary Flames

Their offseason so far: The rebuild continues in Calgary, where the biggest move was the drafting of Sam Bennett with the fourth overall pick. They also addressed the goaltending by signing Jonas Hiller to a reasonable deal, and replaced Mike Cammalleri with the cheaper (but not as productive) Mason Raymond. And they traded for Brandon Bollig, because every mention of a Brian Burke team must contain the word “truculence.”
But their strangest move was: Deryk Engelland’s three-year, $8.75 million deal was genuinely puzzling.
Bizarro-meter reading: 4.5/10. The Engelland thing aside, the Flames are slowly but surely making progress.

[Envitro]

I honestly can't explain what they were thinking with the Engelland signing either.

I can't defend it to my buddies that are fans of other teams and keep hassling me about it

[jesters91]

Though any article that thrashes the Canuckleheads can't be all bad

Vancouver Canucks

Their offseason so far: The summer started early, with major changes in the front office and behind the bench. Mike Gillis and John Tortorella are out; Jim Benning, Trevor Linden, and Willie Desjardins are in. From there, the Canucks were forced to move Ryan Kesler and Jason Garrison without getting all that much in return, and signed Vrbata.

But their strangest move was: Signing Ryan Miller to a three-year, $18 million deal, even though the recent numbers say he’s not necessarily any better than the much younger (and cheaper) goalie they already have, Eddie Lack. The move made some sense, since Lack is far from proven, but they paid an awfully high price for a move that may not be an upgrade. And now they have an all-star veteran and a promising youngster — which didn’t exactly work out well for them the last time around.

Bizarro-meter reading: 7.3/10. The Canucks certainly haven’t been boring.

[cannon7]

Hopefully the Engelland move was just an early slip byTreliving. Trying too hard to address a need in the moment. Hopefully he's learning to deal with that pressure, it's a totally different situation being GM vs. Assistant GM.

[dino7c]

Originally Posted by Envitro

I honestly can't explain what they were thinking with the Engelland signing either.

I can't defend it to my buddies that are fans of other teams and keep hassling me about it

cap floor...who cares about the cap hit other than the owners

fans are stupid these days

[killer_carlson]

For what it is worth there are many Oiler fans who would have liked Engelland on their squad.

Not sure that justifies the contract we gave him though.

[Cleveland Steam Whistle]

Originally Posted by Envitro

I honestly can't explain what they were thinking with the Engelland signing either.

I can't defend it to my buddies that are fans of other teams and keep hassling me about it

If all your buddies who are fans of other clubs have to hassle you about Flames wise is the Engelland deal (and fair enough)...............things must be going pretty well cause that can get chalked up in the minor mistake to the "who gives a shi#t" category.

[trackercowe]

Winnipeg Jets

Their offseason so far: They added Mathieu Perreault. That’s basically it. Hey, if it’s not broke, don’t fix it, right?

But their strangest move was: The team, and indeed the entire city, still seem hell-bent on running Evander Kane out of town. You know that thing where you want to break up with someone, but instead of just doing it, you pick a fight with them over every little thing in an attempt to try to force them to break up with you instead? That’s what the Jets are doing to Kane. It’s probably going to work.

Bizarro-meter reading: 8.1/10. If my franchise played in the league’s toughest division, was constantly hampered by bad goaltending, and hadn’t won a playoff game in 14 years, I’d probably go with an offseason plan that wasn’t “try to run one of our best players out of town, but otherwise stand pat.” That’s just me, though.

Yeesh, you gotta feel for Jets fans right now. No one in their right mind wants to go there. They'll probably end up going all-in for McDavid this year.

[Goaltender]

I enjoyed the article but the fact that he's calling the Sharks the bizzarest off-season team this year is humorous.

[Cali Panthers Fan]

This made me laugh quite a bit.

Bizarro-meter reading: 8.5/10. How did your interview for the Penguins’ coaching job go? Mine was going great until they asked me why manhole covers are round.

[Burke Salad]

Originally Posted by fotze

My friend was drunk once and signed up for a natural gas contract with the door to door salesman and now pays $400 per month.

I care about him overpaying for gas as much as I care about Engelland's salary.

Some friend you are. You should remind him of his faux pas - daily!