Pretty straightforward but sticky situation. We have two kids and the wife wants another and I don't (for a range of reasons...some of those reasons might change over time).
This is a BIG issue where we aren't seeing eye to eye and there isn't much room to compromise...
I'd like to know if anyone else has any experience or advice to share. Thanks.
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"WHAT HAVE WE EVER DONE TO DESERVE THIS??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH US????" -Oiler Fan
"It was a debacle of monumental proportions." -MacT
In all seriousness, a baby is a big commitment. If one of you is not 100% into the idea it could cause problems not just for the two of you, but for your other kids as well, my only advice would be that unless you both agree on it, it's probably not in anyone's best interest. That doesn't mean outright refuse just to get your way, but it's something you guys should really look at from a lot of perspectives before making a decision, neither one of you should try and make the other person do or not do something the other has no interest in, that will only cause problems down the road, anyways I hope this post was more helpful then the get a dog one
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People willingly have more than one kid? Even after experiencing the first?
In all seriousness, go see a counsellor. It's not a bad thing. Both of you can get help framing your positions and find common ground.
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We may curse our bad luck that it's sounds like its; who's sounds like whose; they're sounds like their (and there); and you're sounds like your. But if we are grown-ups who have been through full-time education, we have no excuse for muddling them up.
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This is one where not wanting another kid trumps having one. If you both aren't all in then the decision is made until your feelings change. Sucks for the person who wants another one but you are right in that there is no compromise to be struck on this one.
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Wow, this is a pretty personal issue. I think you already hit the nail on the head, is that it can be done anytime so don't rush into anything until consensus.
You need to have a moderation meeting so a logical person can point out your wife's attempts to unfairly place more house responsibility on the household. Not wanting a new life responsibility trumps wanting one. Especially when you already have 2. Having a professional point solutions out takes your concerns and hers out of the equation.
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one of the guys from my hockey and i were talking about this a few weeks ago. i've got 1 kid (4 months old) and he's got 3 (2 sons and 1 daughter)
over and over again he said, have 2 or 4... but not an odd number. the first two keep each other entertained, but the third one always feels left out so he always wants to hang out with me.' it's not that he doesn't love his youngest, he just made it abundantly clear that having 2 is a lot easier than having 3
__________________ "...and there goes Finger up the middle on Luongo!" - Jim Hughson, Av's vs. 'Nucks
My wife really wanted 3 kids, however pregnancy was beyond rough on her both times (each one requiring a hospital stay for a few days during the first trimester).
Ultimately she latched onto the hope that kid #2 would turn out to be twins so she'd get her 3 kids via 2 pregnancies.
Didn't work out for her and we are both quite happy with our Littletime's.
Regardless of what you two decide I would recommend taking the time and going and speaking with a counselor to make sure everything is out there in the open and the marriage can continue to proceed in a nice and happy manner.
Agree with those above that in this kind of situation not doing what one partner doesn't want to do is the default position.
But yeah, you need to come to a consensus, otherwise you giving in not because you think it's the right thing but just because you don't want to have it be a problem will end up with you resenting her.
__________________ Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position.
But certainty is an absurd one.
My wife and I had this discussion a while back as we have 2 kids now. We are both from 3 kid families and saw what it was like. Ultimately we decided to stick with 2. The reasons were such things as lots of things are built for a family of 4, vacations, vehicles (unless you go mini van or larger SUV) most homes, and others. The main reason was we did not want to be out numbered, 2 kids 2 parents. This way they cannot gang up on us ha ha.
Like BC-Chris said above, an odd number can cause issues for the youngest. I was the youngest of 3 and I was always left out. My wife is the middle of 3 and she and the oldest would exclude the youngest.
Advice on kids
