I have an addiction and am trying to get my life back in order. So I have tried one of the 12 step anonymous groups (it's not AA, but for arguments sake, let's say it is).
However, they preach the 12 steps to recovery:
1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
I get lost on #1. Are we REALLY powerless? I'm listening to people say that admitting to #1 is such a relief. You lose the guilt and frustration of not having the will power to beat the addiction. I think I simply need to work on my inner strength to beat this thing and not give up and say that I am powerless over this addiction.
But #2 and #3 just take me right off the rails. I really don't believe in a higher power. Never have. Probably never will. But this is where it all seems more like a cult than an organization. "Oh, when I joined, I thought a lot like you... but now I owe my life to God and thank Him every day. When I pray, I am so full of thanks for delivering me from my addiction." Oi.
I could keep on going, but I think you get the general drift. And it appears that I'm not the only one that has found the 12 step programs to be akin to a cult than a recovery program: http://www.positiveatheism.org/rw/ofcourse.htm
On the flip side, I have heard from so many people who claim that these 12 step programs have turned their life around and have beaten their addiction to being able to love and cherish life where they were before there was only depression. So they seem to work... at least for some people. But the chapters I attended... I just seemed like I was so out of place the whole time, as I didn't fit in.
It's off an album called Thirteenth Step, one I'd highly recommend. The lyrics are powerful and it may help you get through the process.
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It's awesome that your trying to get rid of your addiction and choose a better lifestyle. The 12 step program has been around forever because it works for many people.
Try not to read into it too much, and try to accept the steps as a successful way of ridding yourself of your issues. Be strong and force your thought processes to a situation of awareness and a goal of cleansing yourself.
Get better bud
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The Higher Power/God/Him piece is much more a product of when it was written than any overt religious intent. There are many, many people in AA and similar programs who are not religious at all. They (and you) just need to figure out what a "Higher Power" means to them. It can be as simple as a group of people. Many minds are a higher power than one. In my opinion, what the higher power and step one are most about is releasing ego.
If it were entirely within your control, you would not need to reach out to a 12 Step group. There would be no such thing as relapse. What you need to do, in my opinion, is accept that you need help (Step 1), find something external to yourself that can help (Step 2), and accept that help (Step 3).
The best thing you can do at this point is to reach out to the other people in the group you are in and get their ideas of how the steps work for them, because it is different for each person. Find someone you can talk to who has been through it. You don't need to pick the "rah rah thank god" poster boy - find someone you can relate to. If your group doesn't end up feeling like quite a fit, try another one.
12 Step groups aren't for everyone. But they do help a lot of people. So give it an honest try. Talk. Share. Discover what it can or can't do for you. Because if you walk in there focused on the bits that bother you, that's all you'll see.
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I have heard from people in NA that it does not work for some people. If you have problems with the first 3 steps then 12 step program will probably not work for you. The person that spoke about why NA did not work for her, said she hated the idea of giving herself to a higher power. Which sounds like the problem you're having. I'm trying to remember what she did as an alternative, but I can't remember sorry.
There are a lot of different types of therapy that are good for addiction. I have heard good things about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), for treating eating disorders.
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When people say they are powerless over their addiction means they have to realise they have a problem and sometimes it takes more than just personal will power to get better.
A high power can mean alot of things to different people. The group I was involved with (Emotions Anonymous) considered the group itself as our high power. We all felt that as a collective we could help one another to help change our thought patterns.
Turning our will and our lives over doesn't necessarily mean a God. For us it was about trusting other members and believing as a group that different insights and ways of dealing with things can help us with our recovery.
It worked for me as I tried to deal with my problems on my own and it wasn't working. Having other people express their views and insights gives one different ways of dealing with their problems.
As for it being a cult. I left after a year as I was able to change my thought patterns and ways of dealing with things.
First, I want to thank people for their feedback. I've gotten a couple of PMs too that have really, really helped.
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Originally Posted by Dion
Twelve step programs are not supposed to be religious based. People who run these groups sometimes try to make it that way.
Well, for not being religious based, they sure do mention God a lot. And it's not so much that I am offended by people that do believe in God, but rather that at the first couple of meetings that I went to, I was made to feel like an outsider for NOT believing in a higher power.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMastodonFarm
So, whats the addiction?
I don't think it pertinent to the conversation, so I didn't say. But if you search CP, it would be pretty evident.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Superfraggle
The best thing you can do at this point is to reach out to the other people in the group you are in and get their ideas of how the steps work for them, because it is different for each person. Find someone you can talk to who has been through it. You don't need to pick the "rah rah thank god" poster boy - find someone you can relate to. If your group doesn't end up feeling like quite a fit, try another one.
I think that's going to be the key. Finding a group that I can relate to. Like I said, the meetings I attended I felt unwelcome. But maybe that's just because I hadn't found the right group. From listening to the organization's podcast, they recommend that you go to 6 *DIFFERENT* groups before deciding to join or not as you are able to find at least one where you think you can get the support you need. So stopping at 2 could be cheating myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dion
It worked for me as I tried to deal with my problems on my own and it wasn't working. Having other people express their views and insights gives one different ways of dealing with their problems.
.
The one thing I *did* get from the limited time I attended was a feeling that I was not alone. That there are others struggling out there with the same addiction that I have. And hearing others talk about how they are dealing with that struggle helped me realize that I'm not a strange freak... or at least not as strange as I thought. An addiction is something you try to hide from friends and family, so struggling with it on your own is such a lonely battle, that at least having others to confide in helped get things off my chest that were weighing me down. It was cathartic to just let it out.
Actually, that I'll go to the grave quite proud of. I'm actually doing a lot more volunteer work with various small-l liberal organizations as a means of avoiding the addictive behaviour.
Location: A simple man leading a complicated life....
Exp:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Devils'Advocate
Well, for not being religious based, they sure do mention God a lot. And it's not so much that I am offended by people that do believe in God, but rather that at the first couple of meetings that I went to, I was made to feel like an outsider for NOT believing in a higher power.
Clearly that group you attended was wrong to make you feel that way. There are groups that are tolerant of all beliefs including those who don't believe in God.
Quote:
The one thing I *did* get from the limited time I attended was a feeling that I was not alone. That there are others struggling out there with the same addiction that I have. And hearing others talk about how they are dealing with that struggle helped me realize that I'm not a strange freak... or at least not as strange as I thought. An addiction is something you try to hide from friends and family, so struggling with it on your own is such a lonely battle, that at least having others to confide in helped get things off my chest that were weighing me down. It was cathartic to just let it out.
It sounds to me that a group of this nature is of a benefit to you and your recovery. Keep searching till you find a group you're confortable with.
Never get give up or let your demons get the best of you. Focus on one day at a time and use any set backs to spur you to battle harder. Hope things go well with your recovery.
When people say they are powerless over their addiction means they have to realise they have a problem and sometimes it takes more than just personal will power to get better.
A high power can mean alot of things to different people. The group I was involved with (Emotions Anonymous) considered the group itself as our high power. We all felt that as a collective we could help one another to help change our thought patterns.
Turning our will and our lives over doesn't necessarily mean a God. For us it was about trusting other members and believing as a group that different insights and ways of dealing with things can help us with our recovery.
It worked for me as I tried to deal with my problems on my own and it wasn't working. Having other people express their views and insights gives one different ways of dealing with their problems.
As for it being a cult. I left after a year as I was able to change my thought patterns and ways of dealing with things.
Just my personal experience Devils'Advocate.
Changing my thought patterns was the turning point for me. I physically quit my addiction a few times with different methods but my thoughts would draw me right back again. I would get physically sick with need just by letting my mind run loose down the wrong road.
For me I found a meditation group and the meditation brought meaning into my life and cleansed my mind. I no longer have any struggle like AA talks about (once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic and it's a constant struggle). I feel cured and don't feel any yen to take up my former habit. Yeah, for me god is a part of it but it isn't anything from the outside, it's a feeling on the inside.
http://www.thecheers.org/Life/articl...lve-Steps.html
With the separation of religion from a recovery program as a goal, and wanting to preserve the fundamental and valid philosophy of the original Twelve Steps, I offer a somewhat different version.
The Universal Secular Twelve Steps
Whereas all addictions to substances or activities are but manifestations of a single, underlying problem in human development, we adopt and recommend the following Twelve Steps of recovery for any and all persons who suffer with addictions of any description:
1. We admitted we were powerless over addiction--that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that The Program, as a power greater than ourselves, could help us toward normal living.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care this program and to the loving care of this group.
4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of our character for ourselves.
5. Admitted to our group, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our faults and misdeeds.
6. Were entirely ready to practice the program in order to remove our defects of character.
7. Humbly asked the help of others in the removal of our short comings and resolved to work to remove these faults ourselves.
8. Made a list of all persons we harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through study and meditation to improve our awareness of law and of the natural forces that govern life hoping only for knowledge of right and wrong and the strength to follow that knowledge.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Twelve Step Programs
