To move to another city for your GF or not?

[Hi-Psi]

Hey guys,

I have a question for you guys to discuss and provide input for. My GF and I have been together 4.5 years and we are getting to a crossroads and unsure how to proceed. We currently do not live together due to work and a few other things but we used to live together and loved living together at the time.

She works in Wetaskiwin and lives in Red Deer. I work out of town(Fly in/out) and live in Calgary. We are wanting to move back in together but with her work, she doesn't want to live in Calgary. I DO NOT want to live in Red Deer. I have no friends there, no family and I generally hate the place, it's not nice, has an over abundance of ######bag oil workers and just doesn't have anywhere the appeal of Calgary. It comes down to either me living in Red Deer and having no friends, no family and no real desire to be there or we live in Calgary where the majority of our friends are, my family is and where I personally want to live.

Her family is closer to Red Deer and she does have some friends in Red Deer.

At this point we don't know what to do. She would love to live in Calgary if not for the 2.5 hour drive to work(She works 2 days on/4 days off) but she also does not want to raise a family in the city and thus we would have to move out of the city before doing so.

She feels that I'm being selfish by not compromising and moving to Red Deer but I honestly just can't see what's in that move for me other than being closer to her. While that is important to me, my friends are also very important, we are literally out with our friends 2-3 times a week whether it be for wing nights, hockey games, birthdays or whatever.

Has anyone been in this position before and if so, what did you do?

Jason

[Da_Chief]

Neither of you wana make a sacrifice for the other, time to move on my friend.

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

My completely Calgary-biased, male-biased point of view: I'm sure she can get a better job than working 2 days a week in Wetaskiwin.

[transplant99]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

Hey guys,

I have a question for you guys to discuss and provide input for. My GF and I have been together 4.5 years and we are getting to a crossroads and unsure how to proceed. We currently do not live together due to work and a few other things but we used to live together and loved living together at the time.

She works in Wetaskiwin and lives in Red Deer. I work out of town(Fly in/out) and live in Calgary. We are wanting to move back in together but with her work, she doesn't want to live in Calgary. I DO NOT want to live in Red Deer. I have no friends there, no family and I generally hate the place, it's not nice, has an over abundance of ######bag oil workers and just doesn't have anywhere the appeal of Calgary. It comes down to either me living in Red Deer and having no friends, no family and no real desire to be there or we live in Calgary where the majority of our friends are, my family is and where I personally want to live.

Her family is closer to Red Deer and she does have some friends in Red Deer.

At this point we don't know what to do. She would love to live in Calgary if not for the 2.5 hour drive to work(She works 2 days on/4 days off) but she also does not want to raise a family in the city and thus we would have to move out of the city before doing so.

She feels that I'm being selfish by not compromising and moving to Red Deer but I honestly just can't see what's in that move for me other than being closer to her. While that is important to me, my friends are also very important, we are literally out with our friends 2-3 times a week whether it be for wing nights, hockey games, birthdays or whatever.

Has anyone been in this position before and if so, what did you do?

Jason

Yeah...don't move dude. You arent ready for it, if you were this wouldnt even be a discussion particularly if you work out of town,

[Deegee]

Move to wherever the best opportunity is for the both of you. Relationships are about compromise. I wouldn't want to drive from Red Deer to Wetaskiwin every day.

If it doesn't matter where you live for work I'd say the both of you should be living in Wetaskiwin if that's where she works.

[Flabbibulin]

You mentioned she would be willing to live in calgary, but cant because of work- how loyal can she be though to a job that is only 2 days on/4 days off? There is plenty of work in calgary imo and red deer area is close enough for her to regularly visit family.

[I_H8_Crawford]

Compromise and live in Airdrie - it's 20 minutes from both cities.

[Northendzone]

I am guessing Edmonton is not an option.

Seems to me like something has gotta give.

I'll never understand the whole I don't want to raise kids in the city line of thinking, cause last I checked country kids still do dope and get in trouble. That being said, I like red deer. Good minor hockey system and lots of reasonably priced golf.

[CaptainCrunch]

The fact that you are asking this question after dating her for 4.5 years tells me that there is a problem already, and you are looking for reasons to not move out there with her.

The fact that she is using what is basically a part time job 2 days on 4 off tells me that its not about her career.

Maybe the best answer is that the two of you need to take a break and decide how important each of you is to the other.

No jokes here.

But if you are in love, then a town is a town and a city is a city and location does not matter.

[Deegee]

Originally Posted by Northendzone

I am guessing Edmonton is not an option.

Seems to me like something has gotta give.

I'll never understand the whole I don't want to raise kids in the city line of thinking, cause last I checked country kids still do dope and get in trouble. That being said, I like red deer. Good minor hockey system and lots of reasonably priced golf.

The big thing that I have found going from a city to small town is the commute is so short I find I get more time outside of work to attend events my son takes part in, no matter where they are in town, that I would normally miss because of traffic.

Other then that I love both city living and smaller town living.

[Kswiss]

Bro i have been there and done that. except my gf lived thousands of kms away

From what I am hearing, Calgary in the long run is not the answer, as she doesnt want to raise a family there. Also short term seems out of the question as it sounds logistically sucky to drive back and forth for work.

So really it comes down to you moving to Red Deer, which isnt that crazy far. If you truly believe she is the one and you want to raise that family, your buddies should be the first to understand. Im pretty sure you can make some friends that arent the #####bags you speak of too. Take the leap of faith. Just dont drag it out while you both take the time to decide....so if you both cant come to a conclusion, get out early!


Hope that helps.

[TorqueDog]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

She feels that I'm being selfish by not compromising and moving to Red Deer but I honestly just can't see what's in that move for me other than being closer to her.

But it could be argued that she's being selfish by not compromising and moving to Calgary. If it works for her, it works for you too. [shrug]

Sorry to hear you're in such a crappy predicament.

[Hi-Psi]

Maybe I should explain her job, she works as an EMT and works 48 hours on and then has 4 days off.

[ken0042]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

Has anyone been in this position before and if so, what did you do?

Back when I lived in Winnipeg I was dating a girl who lived in Dryden; about a 4 hour drive away. For a very brief time I picked up and moved to Dryden; and because I convinced myself I would hate it; I did. I moved back to Winnipeg.

That was the TSN turning point in us breaking up, and one of the biggest regrets of my life. I realized too late that I could make the drive to Winnipeg to visit friends any time I wanted; but passed up a good thing in the process.

[Jbo]

You will come to resent her. You may love her, but you will blame being away from your family and friends on her.

I've seen it happen before.

Tough situation and sorry about your situation.

[J pold]

I boggles my mind that people come to internet forums for dating advice. I mean really what the hell do any of us know about the OP and his girlfriend?

[Jbo]

Originally Posted by J pold

I boggles my mind that people come to internet forums for dating advice. I mean really what the hell do any of us know about the OP and his girlfriend?

Some people like advice from people? Others have gone through similar...

There are entire internet forums dedicated to relationship advice.

[TorqueDog]

Originally Posted by J pold

I boggles my mind that people come to internet forums for dating advice. I mean really what the hell do any of us know about the OP and his girlfriend?

He's looking for alternate viewpoints and what people in his situation have done, not for us to tell him what to do.

[corporatejay]

We are also completely unemotionally invested. Sure we're only getting one side although his story seems even handed but we have no skin whereas his friends probably do.

[Hi-Psi]

And just so we have all the info. She just took this job in November and it's a great opportunity for her to get experience as an EMT. Yes she could get work closer to Calgary but she doesn't seem to want to, she says this is the best opportunity for her.

I love her, she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with but I do worry about resentment with both of us no mater which way we decide to go. I just don't get why I should give up everything for her while she gives up nothing and she feels the same way.

I feel like we're stuck as neither of us want to compromise.

Thanks for all your opinions thus far