Relationship advice - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:25 PM

I am in an extremely ugly situation and I don't know what to do!

I have been seeing the same girl for two years, we moved in together 2 months ago. We have never had much in common to start with except good sex. I have been upgrading my education and planned on going to college for the next 3 years. After we moved into together we have done nothing but fight and bicker and it has gotten to the point where everything she does annoys me and I really don't like being around her. So I decided that I would move out and I was going to tell her but she dropped a bomb on me first, she is pregnant. We took every precaution to prevent that and yet it is what it is.

We talked about it and I told her it was the worst timing, she is a supply teacher trying to get a long term position come fall and now she won't be able to return and I am working part time and going to school in September full time to be a paramedic. I brought up abortion and got my head snapped off, it is not an option for her and she insists on keeping it. She has gotten even more meaner and moody and now she just wants me to do everything and when I do it everything is done wrong according to her and she is driving me nuts! We argue about everything and have nothing in common nor do ever agree about anything. I don't want to be a dick and just take off on her but I don't want to be miserable all the time either. WTF do I do??

JohnnyB · 08-11-2010, 07:30 PM

Ouch, that is definitely a tough situation. I can‘t say what you should do, but I wish you the best with that. Keep yourself as optimistic as possible.

MarchHare · 08-11-2010, 07:32 PM

That's a really unfortunate situation, and sadly I don't have any advice for you except to maybe seek professional relationship counselling. She's against abortion, but did you bring up adoption?

Khel · 08-11-2010, 07:33 PM

Ouch, that sucks! Whatever you do don't stick in the relationship for the kids, been there, and you just end up making things worse because you end up hating each other!

Www.childsupportlaws.ca

rubecube · 08-11-2010, 07:34 PM

How involved do you want to be in the kid's life? There's no reason you can't separate and still support her and the child.

Weiser Wonder · 08-11-2010, 07:34 PM

Break up. Move out. Try to maintain a positive relationship with the mother and be overly kind in the break up. Tell her you'll be there for her and the baby but you can't be in a relationship with her. This way you might be able bring your baby up in a positive, healthy atmosphere. If the baby starts its life without you too ever being together, you don't have to worry about damaging the baby with a nasty break up during its lifespan.

CaramonLS · 08-11-2010, 07:34 PM

Have you considered she might be trying to "trap" you? If you really took every precaution, you would not be in this position (pill is 99.9% effective, unless she starts "missing" some days).

Once you determine that, you might decide on your course of action.

If in fact she is trying to trap you - lay everything on the table:

1) It's over.
2) Good luck getting more than a few dimes of child support out of a student.
3) I'm not going to be there to help you w/ the kid.

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarchHare

That's a really unfortunate situation, and sadly I don't have any advice for you except to maybe seek professional relationship counselling. She's against abortion, but did you bring up adoption?

I did today, I explained that many couples cannot have children and would be grateful for a chance to adopt, no dice.

rubecube · 08-11-2010, 07:35 PM

Is there any chance the kid isn't yours?

Weiser Wonder · 08-11-2010, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaramonLS

Have you considered she might be trying to "trap" you? If you really took every precaution, you would not be in this position (pill is 99.9% effective, unless she starts "missing" some days).

Once you determine that, you might decide on your course of action.

If in fact she is trying to trap you - lay everything on the table:

1) It's over.
2) Good luck getting more than a few dimes of child support out of a student.
3) I'm not going to be there to help you w/ the kid.

He has a responsibility for the child as well, even if the mother is trapping him. So I don't think that is a very good idea.

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

How involved do you want to be in the kid's life? There's no reason you can't separate and still support her and the child.

Regardless I will be there for the kid, it is not his/her fault and I have to deal with the responsibility of that.

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

Is there any chance the kid isn't yours?

I don't see it, I can't see her being the cheating type, she is very against that as am I.

alan21 · 08-11-2010, 07:38 PM

MOD EDIT: Not an appropriate joke.

metallicat · 08-11-2010, 07:40 PM

How many months pregnant is she?

chalms04 · 08-11-2010, 07:42 PM

Take her for a nice dinner at the Calgary Tower, then insist she takes the stairs down.

rubecube · 08-11-2010, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I don't see it, I can't see her being the cheating type, she is very against that as am I.

She's going to hate you for it, but I would get a paternity test just in case. This is going to sound callous but the best thing for you to do legally would be to get out as soon as possible. That doesn't mean you need to sever all ties with her, but you should at least take up a separate residence. Be supportive and help her out, but you need to end the living arrangement if that's the road you want to take.

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oilers_fan

How many months pregnant is she?

8 weeks.

CaramonLS · 08-11-2010, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weiser Wonder

He has a responsibility for the child as well, even if the mother is trapping him. So I don't think that is a very good idea.

Perhaps my first post was a little harsh.

I agree with you Weiser - but part of the reason for a trap (if it is in fact the case) is solely to keep him in her life. I'm sure that dissentower has been giving off the signs of wanting to end this relationship for a while. That might be the reason she is against adoption/abortion. Reality might give her a wake up call.

He can determine his parental involvement later - once it becomes too late.

But if Dissentower wants this to happen now, he needs to be harsh if she is doing this.

GreenTeaFrapp · 08-11-2010, 07:46 PM

Why not just send some spiders up there to have it for a snack?

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:46 PM

One of the biggest issues here is she wants me to not go to school now and work full time or go to school full time and work full time which would kill me doing this course. I don't want to give up school because I need a good career.