Single dads question

[dissentowner]

Just wondering for all you single dads what custody/visitation arrangements you have for your children for those who don't mind sharing. Thanks.

[Robotic]

When my parents split I visited my Dad every Wednesday for dinner, and spelt over every other weekend. Spent 2 weeks holidays with him at his families cabin, and rotated Christmas holidays. Christmas Eve with Mom, and Christmas Day with Dad, and vice versa.

I was 13 at the time it happened, and continued this way for years until I was older and had more say in where I wanted to go.

Hopefully this helps.

[alan21]

My girlfriend has shared custody of her daughter, one week on and one week off.

[rotten42]

shared with my wife...week on...week off. Make sure you get a formal arrangement for that in the court. If you go for something less it is much harder to change down the road.


On a lesser important note. If you are sharing the kids 1/2 time the child support guidelines are very cut and dry. Once you stray and go to an unbalanced sharing it is a crap shoot as to the payments you may have.

[-TC-]

I had a 50/50 deal with my ex until my daughter was 12 and then she came to live with me full-time

[4X4]

Two week rotation:

Monday, Tuesday - my house
Wednesday, Thursday - her house
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - my house
Monday, Tuesday - her house
Wednesday, Thursday - my house
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - her house

50/50 split, with even weekdays and weekends. We tried the one week on, one week off deal, but we both found that it was a combination of going too long without seeing the Munchkin, and also being overwhelmed with too many days in a row when she's sick or going through a phase.

Obviously, our scenario only works if you live relatively close, and stay relatively amicable.

[Puddy27]

Originally Posted by 4X4

Two week rotation:

Monday, Tuesday - my house
Wednesday, Thursday - her house
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - my house
Monday, Tuesday - her house
Wednesday, Thursday - my house
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - her house

50/50 split, with even weekdays and weekends. We tried the one week on, one week off deal, but we both found that it was a combination of going too long without seeing the Munchkin, and also being overwhelmed with too many days in a row when she's sick or going through a phase.

Obviously, our scenario only works if you live relatively close, and stay relatively amicable.

I use the exact same schedule and it works for us too. I just call it the 2-2-3 rotation lol. Apparently 3-3-4 works as well but haven't tried it.
4x4 literally almost described my exact situation so thanks for saving me some typing lol.

[Bmuzyka]

My ex wife has my 3 boys full time. I get them every Tuesday and Thursday evening, and every second weekend. I wanted 50/50, but she was a stay at home mom, and vowed to fight it, and after talking to a couple lawyers and legal people, they all warned me that judges in Alberta tend to allow Stay at Home mom's to maintain their lifestyle until kids are in school full time

[rotten42]

Originally Posted by Bmuzyka

My ex wife has my 3 boys full time. I get them every Tuesday and Thursday evening, and every second weekend. I wanted 50/50, but she was a stay at home mom, and vowed to fight it, and after talking to a couple lawyers and legal people, they all warned me that judges in Alberta tend to allow Stay at Home mom's to maintain their lifestyle until kids are in school full time

you got bad advice

[bossy22]

shared custody. week on week off. When my kids were younger we'd have a dinner night in the middle of the week. So when the kids were at her house, every thurs eve, they'd come to my place for dinner. Advice I got is to immediately go for shared. Once a precedent has been set, it's much harder to change.

[Clarkey]

Originally Posted by 4X4

Two week rotation:

Monday, Tuesday - my house
Wednesday, Thursday - her house
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - my house
Monday, Tuesday - her house
Wednesday, Thursday - my house
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - her house

50/50 split, with even weekdays and weekends. We tried the one week on, one week off deal, but we both found that it was a combination of going too long without seeing the Munchkin, and also being overwhelmed with too many days in a row when she's sick or going through a phase.

Obviously, our scenario only works if you live relatively close, and stay relatively amicable.

How old is your daughter? Do you have to do the getting up in the middle of the night stuff quite a bit still? That would kill me on work days.

[Bmuzyka]

Originally Posted by rotten42

you got bad advice

I might of, but I don't have the money to get into a prolonged legal battle either. I have wasted money on fruitless legal battles in the past, and not only is it hard on your wallet, it can do a number on you emotionally and psychologically.

[rotten42]

Originally Posted by bossy22

shared custody. week on week off. When my kids were younger we'd have a dinner night in the middle of the week. So when the kids were at her house, every thurs eve, they'd come to my place for dinner. Advice I got is to immediately go for shared. Once a precedent has been set, it's much harder to change.

This!!!. Always fight for equal shared custody. Once you get it you can always run things different in practice until the kids get older.

[rotten42]

Originally Posted by Bmuzyka

I might of, but I don't have the money to get into a prolonged legal battle either. I have wasted money on fruitless legal battles in the past, and not only is it hard on your wallet, it can do a number on you emotionally and psychologically.

I'm not coming down on you. I fully agree with what you are saying. I had a 4 year battle in my divorce. With some of the #### she tried to pull I'm surprised I didn't snap. All in all when everything was said and down (lawyers, giving up assests, setting up a new life) it cost me about 900k.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by Clarkey

How old is your daughter? Do you have to do the getting up in the middle of the night stuff quite a bit still? That would kill me on work days.

She's 2 now, but I've been doing this since she was 9mo. The middle of the night stuff sucks, but she took her first steps at my house right in front of me, so it's all worth it. I'm maybe a bit lucky that I really only sleep 6 hours a night.

[Bmuzyka]

Originally Posted by rotten42

I'm not coming down on you. I fully agree with what you are saying. I had a 4 year battle in my divorce. With some of the #### she tried to pull I'm surprised I didn't snap. All in all when everything was said and down (lawyers, giving up assests, setting up a new life) it cost me about 900k.

Thanks man. And props to you for fighting the good fight. Not all of us have the strength to do it

[La Flames Fan]

Originally Posted by 4X4

Two week rotation:

Monday, Tuesday - my house
Wednesday, Thursday - her house
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - my house
Monday, Tuesday - her house
Wednesday, Thursday - my house
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - her house

50/50 split, with even weekdays and weekends. We tried the one week on, one week off deal, but we both found that it was a combination of going too long without seeing the Munchkin, and also being overwhelmed with too many days in a row when she's sick or going through a phase.

Obviously, our scenario only works if you live relatively close, and stay relatively amicable.

Similar here, the 2-2-3 on rotation, 50% split! She's 4 now, so it's been over two years that we've been doing it and she loves it. Thinking about going to 4-3 on rotation as she gets older.

I agree, only works if things are amicable.

[troutman]

It used to be that Dads generally got the kids every second weekend, and maybe a weeknight in between. I think there has been a move away from that, where the starting point is some version of 50/50, and it is adjusted from there based on circumstances and the best interests of the children. It is likely an infant that is breast feeding would be mainly with mom. Once a child is over 14, they have a greater say in where they live. Child support is reduced once you have the child more than 40% of the time.

The research shows that children of divorce do as well as other children, when they have maximum contact with both parents.

[nfotiu]

One week on and one week off. Seems to work for us and the kids. We started out changing more often and that seemed tougher on everyone. I also have them from after school until dinner on her weeks since I work at home.

[SeeGeeWhy]

2/2/3 as well - started at 1 year old, and my kiddo is 4.5 now - it's worked pretty well, as difficult as everything can be. Stability and consistency in rules between the two households has been key.