Whats the funniest thing you've ever seen?

[Frank the Tank]

Well, just like the topic says. What is the funniest thing you have ever witnessed? First-hand accounts only, none of this friend of a friend crap, or I saw this funny video on college humour stuff, you have to have seen it.

I have many of these sightings for some reason. I just happen to be in the right place at the right time I guess.

The most recent would have to be from this past winter. On my way to work a guy was making a left turn from the side street onto the road I was on. He was looking to his right, trying to guage oncoming traffic because its a fairly busy road, and proceeded to take off at his first opportunity and drove directly into the light post on the centre median of the road at full tilt. It was funny because a) he wasn't hurt b) it looked like a brand new VW GOLF c) he got out and was a skinny white kid dressed head to toe in baby blue North Carolina gear, sideways ball cap and all. I squirted coffee out my nose I laughed so hard.

I have many more that I'll add later.

[Tron_fdc]

I watched a guy drink pee through a snorkel once.....we filled a Strongbow bottle with urine, passed it to a guy who didn't know what was going on, and he poured it down the victims homemade funnel (a snorkel).

There's little more to it than that, but I was crying I was laughing so hard. I couldn't walk for about 5 minutes.

[Frank the Tank]

Originally posted by Tron_fdc@May 5 2005, 10:10 AM
I watched a guy drink pee through a snorkel once.....we filled a Strongbow bottle with urine, passed it to a guy who didn't know what was going on, and he poured it down the victims homemade funnel (a snorkel).

There's little more to it than that, but I was crying I was laughing so hard. I couldn't walk for about 5 minutes.

That is so revolting and so funny all at the same time! Haha! Reason number 23 I'll never do a funnel!

[Cheese]

You are a sick man Tron...truly sick...LOLOL

I was at an outdoor concert in the USA in the mid seventies...to make a long story short the Promoter screwed off with the payola and the bands refused to play after the 1st day. This was a 3 day/night affair with about 50,000 stoned and drunk Hippies attending. Needless to say these disappointed patrons began to disassemble the place...an outdoor speedway. They ripped out all plumbing, tossed full trailers full of food down the stands, tipped over cranes and ripped the stage apart.
Some poor SOB was having a dump in an outhouse when the bruhaha started. The outhouses were pretty nasty as there werent enuff of them for the crowd. Needless to say as the crowd was running around pushing them over, this poor chap got "coated" with fecal matter. To make matters worse there was no running water left or lake/creek/stream nearby to clean with. He had to walk 3 miles to the nearest facility coated in dung to get a hose.
I larfed, but Im sure he was really really POed.

The National Guard had to break the event up.

Man that was a weird weekend.

[Tron_fdc]

You really had to met the guy we did it to. If you spent 5 minutes with him you would have given him a Peter's milkshake. Come to think of it, the same night we filled a pizza with Ex lax and gave it to him, without thinking about the fact that we were the paid janitors at the hostel.

Futher to Cheese's post, I had a friend that was tipped in a shinguardter at Highwood (or Infest, I can't remember). That was after a day of hippies all taking LSD induced dumps, filling up the porta poddies over the rim. The closest wash station was the highwood river. I wasn't part of it ( I saw it though) and payback was a bitch. One guy got liquid exlax in his beer, and we mase sure there was no toilet paper anywhere in the bar. The cruel irony in this prank however, was that the guy who put the exlax in his beer didn't tell his girlfriend, who was drinking out of the same jug. The other guy involved in the latrine tip got shots of mustard up the nose, and bingo dab ink over the head. He tried to get it off the next day with turpentine (doesn't work) and eventually gave up. That day they went to Sylvan Lake, and he walked around with pink splotches on his head, chest, legs and privates (still not sure who put it there....?).

Man, I could go on for hours about the hilarious drunk things I've witnessed.

[Tron_fdc]

Oooooooh! I just thought of another one!

We tied a buddies thumbs up with the strings of his hoody, then tied his toes to his thumbs with his shoelaces. To top it off we stuffed the insoles of his shoes into his hoody so he could bask in his own filth.

It was kinda funny at the time, but got REALLY funny when security came knocking on the door to tell us to shut up. It's kinda hard to tell someone you're not up to anything when a guy's tied up in the fetal position getting beats from 4 other dudes.

[Cheese]

Boy iM UH...real GLAD Im NOT a drinking buddy of yours Tron...LOL...yeesh

[CaptainCrunch]

I was running a basic training group, and teaching the newbies basic infantry tactics. We came to a large clearing and I pulled the privates around me and went over sprint and drop coverage.

So I drop back to watch and the first guy goes sprinting out hell bent for leather, and disapears. 2 seconds later you hear him cursing and his head and shoulders slowly pull into view. He stands up and begins running like a madman and vanishes again. This happens a few more times, and I call a halt to the excercise, I walk over to him, and almost tossed my cookies, the stench was almost like a living thing..

A cadet training group had camped out in the clearingm the night before and had forgotten to fill in the latrine holes when they left.

Late on that night we had to do a camp assault and it was a little foggy, ok a lot foggy. I decided to send a couple of privates in from one side and they were suppossed to make as much noise as possible, while the rest of us crept up on the other side.

So we're laying in the weeds waiting for the distraction to start.

Suddenly we hear the sounds of running footsteps and a pair of amazing war cries as they sprint at full speed for the camp. Then we hear this heart stopping crunch. I sprinted over to see what happened, and saw them both lying on the ground by a truck. They had run full speed into a radio van. One of them had knocked himself senseless, the other one was crawling away. After that they became our wrongway recon element.

[Cheese]

Originally posted by CaptainCrunch@May 5 2005, 11:59 AM
I was running a basic training group, and teaching the newbies basic infantry tactics. We came to a large clearing and I pulled the privates around me and went over sprint and drop coverage.

So I drop back to watch and the first guy goes sprinting out hell bent for leather, and disapears. 2 seconds later you hear him cursing and his head and shoulders slowly pull into view. He stands up and begins running like a madman and vanishes again. This happens a few more times, and I call a halt to the excercise, I walk over to him, and almost tossed my cookies, the stench was almost like a living thing..

A cadet training group had camped out in the clearingm the night before and had forgotten to fill in the latrine holes when they left.

Late on that night we had to do a camp assault and it was a little foggy, ok a lot foggy. I decided to send a couple of privates in from one side and they were suppossed to make as much noise as possible, while the rest of us crept up on the other side.

So we're laying in the weeds waiting for the distraction to start.

Suddenly we hear the sounds of running footsteps and a pair of amazing war cries as they sprint at full speed for the camp. Then we hear this heart stopping crunch. I sprinted over to see what happened, and saw them both lying on the ground by a truck. They had run full speed into a radio van. One of them had knocked himself senseless, the other one was crawling away. After that they became our wrongway recon element.

Um Captn....that first part I bolded...musta hurt like hell eh?

[FlamesKickAss]

I was sitting at the lights of bow bottom trail and diamond cove drive, i think, going southbound and I look to my left towards bonavista downs and there is a car coming up to the intersection not realising that there is a car trap there, and boom car in the car trap or bus trap whatever they are called. I thought it was hilarious sorry if this was you.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

A dog trying to have sex with my friend and my friend didn't have a clue what the dog was doing. It was hilarious.

[RougeUnderoos]

Originally posted by Tron_fdc@May 5 2005, 09:33 AM
Futher to Cheese's post, I had a friend that was tipped in a shinguardter at Highwood (or Infest, I can't remember). That was after a day of hippies all taking LSD induced dumps, filling up the porta poddies over the rim. The closest wash station was the highwood river.

Strangest thing -- I saw that too. There was also a girl in that Highwood River that I'll never forget but that's for a different thread.

At another point that weekend.... me and my cronies were sitting around drinking beer and a friend of mine (a girl) was lying on the ground sort of being hung-over/getting a tan. She's down there quite a while and just about to fall asleep so my buddy pours cold beer on her stomach. Immediately she bolts upright and in a loud, really p*ssed-off girl's voice she says "You fataing C-Word". It was a pretty crowded place and at least 50 people heard her say this and everyone of them froze and turned around to gawk at her. That was pretty funny.

I've seen this about a million times but when people are first trying to waterski and they forget to let go of the rope if they don't get up then that's always good for a howl.

[Frank the Tank]

Another one of my favourites;

A few years ago I was at the Toronto Zoo (spectacular zoo by the way) and we were watching the Bengal Tigers romp around their enclosure with a large group of people in our general vacinity. Well, after a few minutes, the biggest male comes up to the fence and is staring at everyone. Pretty cool right? Well, he turns around and starts to back his big 'ol tiger arse up to the fence. I grabbed my wife and said "Lets get the hell outta here", she gave me a puzzled look, but I tugged her arm pretty good and she came with me. We had gotten about five steps away when the tiger lets loose with an enormous blast of tiger-spunk that drenched about six people right where we were standing. The wife still thanks me for that one. And those poor people REEKED! Haha! Suckas.

[BlackEleven]

Last weekend I was walking down the street with my girlfriend and this little kid on a bike that was waaay too big for him was trying to pass us (unbeknownst to us but knownst to him). Since we were walking side by side, there wasn't much room for him to get by. The first time I became aware of this kid was when I heard this loud ping -- like someone driving a golf ball. I turned around to see his bike smashed into a telephone pole and him flying over the handle bars.

After seeing the bike it was clear he couldn't steer it very well because it was way too big for him. I think the only thing that was injured was his pride because he refused to be helped and just hoped back on the bike and took off again.

What made the whole thing so funny was the loud pinging sound when he went crashing into the telephone pole.

[4X4]

I was driving down 11th ave, stopped at the lights at 11th st. The north/south traffic had pretty much done their thing, and the flashy thing had gone to a solid don't walk, so you knew that the light would turn soon.

A guy on rollerblades heading north on 11th st, but still south of 11th ave, on the west side of the street, wants to go west down 11th, but wants to be on the north side of the street (follow me?)...
So he sees taht the light is about to turn, and that 4 lanes of traffic are about to come bearing down on his crosswalk, so he kicks into high gear & goes for the jaywalk just as my light turns green. All four lanes start coming at the guy as he does a curved crossing of the street. He is just about at the curb and he looks back to see if he's about to get hit. He still had plenty of time because obviously, the guy in the far right lane is not going to hit a rollerblader that is in clear view. The look back cost him though. He turns back just in time to hop up onto the curb & smash into a no parking sign.

I know its cruel to laugh at that type of thing, but it was so funny because the guy was pretty big, and was just pouring it on, trying to beat the traffic. BAM! Lights out.

[MrMastodonFarm]

Originally posted by Frank the Tank@May 5 2005, 12:55 PM
Another one of my favourites;

Speaking of Zoo stories.. and poop.

The summer of 2003 I took the afternoon to go to the Zoo with the girl I was seeing at the time, it was July, we both took the afternoon off, it wasn't busy, nice day. We enter that new(er) African area the Calgary Zoo has. The Rhino is just starting to to come out of his big water tank. In front of us is a big Summer camp of about 40 children, we wait furthur back for them to leave so its not too crowed at the front of the tank. The Rhino is not fully out of the water.. it lets out an odd nose and whammo.. Rhino poop comes spewing over 40+ 5 year olds.. they go running in ever possible direction, all of them bolted in seperate way. A group of about 20 something adults who are looking after them run after as many as possible. One of the funniest things I have ever seen, I almost broke down in tears from the laugher. I still laugh when telling the story.

[I-Hate-Hulse]

I love how so many of these stories involve feces or other bodily fluids.

[Mike__]

You just reminded me of a story Blackeleven from a few years back.

Me and a few buddies were out in the street playing some streethockey when a kid on a bike rode by, he couldn't have been more than 13. My buddy took a shot, it deflected off the goalie and the ball flew by the kid. He thought we did that intentionally so he tries to act tough by staring us down. The idiot was so caught up with trying to give us looks that he never bothered to check to see where he was going. So the kid runs into a taillight and flies over the bars. The tailight had been smashed to bits. The kid turned bright red and looked like he was about to cry. At first I thought we had hurt his feelings by laughing but then he runs onto the grass drops his bike and runs into a backyard. At first, we thought he was making a run for it but quickly found out he was just running from his aunt. Turns out it was his aunts van that he hit. Right away she walks out yelling, swearing and finally the kid comes out, trying to hold back tears. Not so tough after all. Boy, the kid sure got it from his aunt LOL.

[4X4]

THE COUCH


It all started 6 years ago on April Fools Day. I had left my mothers house two years prior, but never moved the old hide a bed couch from my old room. Me & two other guys went in, grabbed the thing & stuffed it in my friend's minivan. The tires were bald, so we were afraid of driving in the dump & getting a flat tire.
We certainly didn't want to arbitrarily dump the thing at a construction site, so the obvious solution was to take it to another friend's apartment & wedge it underneath his car.
Keep in mind, this is a hide a bed (heavy as hell).

The next day, I was driving along with one of my accomplices & we were in the victim's neighbourhood. We swung into the alley to see that he had sucessfully dislodged the couch from under his car, and pushed it over by the dumpster.
Naturally, we picked it up & put it in his parking stall (he was at work).

At this point, we agreed to make regular stops at victim's house to move the couch. A week passes. Between me & my two accomplices, the couch has found it's way under victim's car, or into victim's vacant parking stall two or three times each day. Victim calls me up to invite me over for beers. There are a few of us there, we are all sitting around sipping beers, when victim explodes into a fury, telling all of us that some @#$%@^$%%^&^%& $^&$&^$%*&$*$%^& $%&^$%$ was doing this shinguard with some W#$%^#$^ couch, @#$%^&#$&#&^$....

I was the only one present that knew about the couch, so holding a straight face was pretty tough.
So victim is all riled up. Someone suggests it's time to smoke a doobie, so we all pile outside to the alley to the toke spot (hey, dude lived with his mom...). As we pass his car, he notes the couch (over by the dumpster, yet again), and points to one window in his building & tells us that some dickhead lives there, and its probably him thats doing this couch stuff.

The toke spot is a 30 second jaunt around the corner of the alley, and a doobie takes 5 minutes to smoke. As we come back around the corner, we see that the couch is under the car.
No shinguard, in the 5 minutes we were around the corner (literally, we could have peeked around the corner at any time, but didn't), one of my accomplices put the couch under victim's car.

As you can imagine, victim went bonkers. He was calling out the whole neighbourhood, screaming & yelling... Oh man...


The couch mysteriously disappeared the next day. As for the big question of whether he ever found out who was the mastermind, we told him on New Years eve when we were sure that he was way too impaired to pose a threat.

[RougeUnderoos]

Originally posted by 4X4@May 5 2005, 04:12 PM
THE COUCH

Man that story is priceless.

I picture the culprits as looking like the dudes from the movie "Fubar". Tell me that's what you look like.