How much should I give for an Engagement Party Gift? - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

albertGQ · 06-26-2009, 10:34 AM

So I'm going to an engagement party next Saturday. What is required for a gift? Their wedding is next May in Vegas and they are only inviting 80 people to that. I think 200 is invited to this party next week. It is being catered as well.

What is standard? I want to give cash since that's what all young couples want nowadays (myself included). I will be forking out cash for their wedding next year as well as flight and accomodations to Las Vegas.

So what should I give them next week? Anyone know?

TIA

mykalberta · 06-26-2009, 10:53 AM

Engagement party - wow people are really milking this marriage thing for all its worth.

I dont mind giving a nice gift at a wedding but how is an engagement party a special event. My first cousin who got married at the courthouse in Edmonton and only inviited their parents to it held one of these type of events afterwards. Looking back on it we should have called BS on the whole thing instead of trying to not make waves - my dad geve them $2500K and that was back in 2000 - we have a small family though so it might be different if you have a huge amount of relatives.

I personally would even be offended by this. Since you are going and one of the 80 people invited to the wedding I would prob decide what you are giving as a wedding gift and then put a part of that towards this event. So if you are giving $200 give them $50. If you are giving $500 give them $200 etc.

albertGQ · 06-26-2009, 11:07 AM

This is an actual thread. Not one that has been bumped from two years ago. I would appreciate anyone's opinion on what the proper protocol is. I dind't want this to be lost in the mix up of all the other "dormant" gift threads

mykalberta · 06-26-2009, 11:14 AM

Just to add, I dont know proper protocol as I have never been envited to an event where a gift was thought to be brought. Mostly its an introduction at Christmas, Family BBQ, etc. Not a catered event where this was the specific reason.

Also, I love these gift threads. The g/f ones especially since they are such a potential land mine.

Peanut · 06-26-2009, 11:17 AM

I usually opt for a nice bottle of wine for engagement parties - $30 - $50 depending. I'm not big on presents for engagement parties really... it's more to celebrate the actual engagement. Presents/gifts come later!!

Garbs · 06-26-2009, 11:20 AM

Im in a similar situation to the op
not sure what to bring / give ect

mykalberta · 06-26-2009, 11:21 AM

Sorry to hijack. Just I have 2 weddings to attend where I am an actual part of the wedding, one in September and one in March where I am the best man and have to give a speech. And at neither of those has there been a formal engagement party with the couple - wow I have strange friends

ken0042 · 06-26-2009, 11:22 AM

My fiancee are talking wedding plans, and for us the point of an Engagement party (or a Social as they are called in Manitoba) is to have a party without the cost- both for the couple and the guests. I wouldn't expect any gift is required; that is the reason for having this party IMHO.

DOK · 06-26-2009, 11:22 AM

No gift needed at an engagement party. Peanut is right, a bottle of wine at best, I always bring a card saying congratulations.

And as an aside a destination wedding usually comes without gifts. Meaning that you pay to get there, to stay there, to eat there, so the bride and groom won't receive (or expect) a gift because you've already spent so much money to get there. That's the going thought these days anyways.

alltherage · 06-26-2009, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mykalberta

Engagement party - wow people are really milking this marriage thing for all its worth.

I have to agree. My fiance and I are having an engagement party to get the wedding party together and socialize and get the two families together, but we made it absolutely clear that it is not a gift event.

Bridal shower + wedding is enough already!!

getbak · 06-26-2009, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peanut

I usually opt for a nice bottle of wine for engagement parties - $30 - $50 depending. I'm not big on presents for engagement parties really... it's more to celebrate the actual engagement. Presents/gifts come later!!

This is what I would have said too.

Especially since you're going to be one of the few invitees to the actual wedding, I wouldn't go overboard with an engagement gift.

Iowa_Flames_Fan · 06-26-2009, 11:29 AM

You don't need to bring a gift in my view. If you do, make it something small, and not extravagant.

AFAIK the protocol is that you have to give a gift if you're invited to the wedding. Otherwise it's not necessary.

Hanna Sniper · 06-26-2009, 11:37 AM

An engagement party is a social celebration for the engagement and not a fun raiser for the couple.

Bottle of wine is more then enough, unless it's being held at a bar where the bar closed the dorrs to the public

mykalberta · 06-26-2009, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alltherage

I have to agree. My fiance and I are having an engagement party to get the wedding party together and socialize and get the two families together, but we made it absolutely clear that it is not a gift event.

Bridal shower + wedding is enough already!!

That is my experience. I was invited and went to both but only after talking with my friend about it. Since I am not part of the family I felt weird going - but since I am part of the ceremony they both said I should be there.

No gifts were given by the parents or siblings at either event - I asked - and I would consider both those families to be "socially active" and not conservative compared to my family.

I will be spending 1k on gifts/bachelor party stuff anyway. And for the March wedding they are going to Mexico so for that one I will be spending 1k on travel expense at least on top of the gift/bachelor party.

Russic · 06-26-2009, 12:10 PM

I wouldn't bring anything more than a bottle of wine or a card.

urban1 · 06-26-2009, 01:24 PM

Id find out what the couples expectation is. You dont want to bring a card when eveyone else is giving $50. Youll be seen in a negative light. If you dont want to spend that much then Id just skip the party.

Peanut · 06-26-2009, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by urban1

Id find out what the couples expectation is. You dont want to bring a card when eveyone else is giving $50. Youll be seen in a negative light. If you dont want to spend that much then Id just skip the party.

They really shouldn't "expect" anything. Gifts are optional!! Especially for their engagement party.

REDVAN · 06-26-2009, 03:56 PM

I went to an engagement party a few weeks ago and brought a decent bottle of wine- I heard it was supposedly tacky to bring gifts to an engagement party... and then the bride-to-be bitched about not getting things when we saw her the next week. Bah!

Peanut · 06-26-2009, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDVAN

I went to an engagement party a few weeks ago and brought a decent bottle of wine- I heard it was supposedly tacky to bring gifts to an engagement party... and then the bride-to-be bitched about not getting things when we saw her the next week. Bah!

That's pretty poor form on her part.

REDVAN · 06-26-2009, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peanut

That's pretty poor form on her part.

Not in front of people- in private to me. So not that bad, but still...