Hockey pool victory speech help

[moncton golden flames]

I won my hockey pool this year and I want to write a victory speech. You know, the kind of speech the other poolies read and it makes them laugh and jealous at the same time. I'm not a good trash talker and am really struggling with some good lines. Can any the great minds of Calgary Puck help me rub salt in some wounds?

[comrade]

Here's a good tip: from now on refer to yourself as the champ or NHL Guru or something like that.

This year I won every pool I entered (3) starting with MLB and NFL and finally NHL so my I've taken to calling myself the MLB/NFL/NHL Guru. It's going to break my long standing tradition of naming my teams after Islam in some way.

[dionfan]

When the TSN hockey analysts were picking their fantasy teams today, they were calling Keith Jones 'Dynasty' because i guess he's won the pool 2 years in a row.

[Daradon]

Talk about yourself in the third person?

Or start(or end) every sentence with: 'In accordance with the prophecy...'

[Rhettzky]

Take Hilary Clinton's New Hampshire victory speech...

Thank you. Thank you.
I come tonight with a very, very full heart.
And I want especially to thank New Hampshire. Over the last week, I listened to you and, in the process, I found my own voice.
I felt like we all spoke from our hearts, and I am so gratified that you responded. Now, together, let’s give America the kind of comeback that New Hampshire has just given me.
For all the ups and downs of this campaign, you helped remind everyone that politics isn’t a game. This campaign is about people, about making a difference in your lives, about making sure that everyone in this country has the opportunity to live up to his or her God-given potential. That has been the work of my life.
We are facing a moment of so many big challenges.
We know we face challenges here at home, around the world, so many challenges for the people whose lives I’ve been privileged to be part of.
I’ve met families in this state and all over our country who’ve lost their homes to foreclosures, men and women who work day and night but can’t pay the bills and hope they don’t get sick because they can’t afford health insurance, young people who can’t afford to go to college to pursue their dreams.
Too many have been invisible for too long. Well, you are not invisible to me.
The oil companies, the drug companies, the health insurance companies, the predatory student loan companies have had seven years of a president who stands up for them. It’s time we had a president who stands up for all of you.
I intend to be that president, to be a president who puts you first, your lives, your families, your children, your futures. I believe deeply in America, in our can-do spirit, in our ability to meet any challenge and solve any problem. I believe in what we can do together.
In the future, we will build together. There will be no more invisible Americans. So we’re going to take what we’ve learned here in New Hampshire and we’re going to rally on and make our case. We are in it for the long run.
And that is because we are in it for the American people.
This victory will serve notice that people across our country know what’s really at stake, that we will all be called upon to deliver on the promise of America. We’ll be called upon to deliver on the promise that the middle class will grow and prosper again, to deliver on the promise that government will be of the people, by the people and for the people, not just the privileged few.
To deliver on the promise that every generation will have their shot at the American dream, to deliver on the promise that we’ll have the will and the wisdom to end the war in Iraq the right way.
To deliver on the promise to take care of our brave veterans and restore America’s standing, respect and credibility around the world.
We know that for the promise of America to be real, we are called upon to deliver on that promise. And if you join in this call to greatness, we will together answer. So, tomorrow, we’re going to get up, roll up our sleeves and keep going.
I invite you to come join us at hillaryclinton.com. We’re going to tap into all of the spirit, the talent and just the plain grit of this great nation again.
We are determined to tackle our toughest problems and stand up for those who most need a champion, because we are determined to make America work again for all of our people. We came back tonight because you spoke loudly and clearly.
You want this campaign to be about you, because there is so much at stake for our country. I have so many people to thank. I want to thank the two most important people in my life, Bill and Chelsea.
I want to thank them for their incredible commitment, their passion and their heart. I want to thank my entire family, particularly my mother, who is watching tonight.
I want to thank the extraordinary team here in New Hampshire that never faltered one minute.
And that team had a great staff. It had volunteers and supporters from across the state and this country.
I want to thank the young people across New Hampshire who came out.
They asked the hard questions, and they voted their hearts and their minds, and I really appreciate it.
And finally, I want to say how much I respect our Democratic candidates. Senators Dodd and Biden, who were in the race earlier, have given great service to our country.
Governor Richardson, Congressman Kucinich, Senator Edwards and Senator Obama — they all … they all have put themselves on the line day and night on behalf of this country we love so much. This campaign will transform America, because we will take on the challenges. We will seize the opportunities. Every single day I am not going out there on my own. I’m going out there accompanied by millions and millions of people who believe as I do that this country is worth fighting for.
Thank you, and God bless you.

...and modify it for your own means. Maybe take out references to your husband bill and the American people.

[McG]

you should also say that you were going to enter another team...but you thought that it might make you unpopular to finish first and second.

i would also take the opportunity to point out incredibly bad picks that your opponents took, whilst pointing to your own brilliance by taking "player" in the latest round possible...and then comparing it to someone else's "star" player.

i really like the 3rd person talk as Daradon mentions above.

[Flash Walken]

'From the Desk of...'

and then just start gloating.