Coaching your Child in a Sport - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Northendzone · 08-30-2011, 03:37 PM

So I am looking to hear others experience with respect to coaching their child in a sport as I have been an assistant coach on my sons (he just turned 9) hockey team, and while I have enjoyed it, I have not enjoyed coaching my son and things have gotten to the point where I am ready to let my wife handle all the hockey related duties this year.

It is like my son does not trust me with respect to anything I tell him about hockey, and yet overtime I have been proven right - for example last night he was playing goal and he has gotten it into his head that he can get completely dressed by himself - so he goes to tie up his skates and he only pulls the top lace enough to make a bow - so i tell him that is not going to work very well and I asked him if I could help him by tieing the skates - I get told in no uncertain terms that he likes his skates like that and he'll be fine. So he gets on the ice, it was like watching a timbit player learn how to skate. he then gets home from practice and tells my wife that he had no fun because of his skates were too loose. It is like he feels i know nothing from nothing and he has no trust of me.....

I love hockey, and I feel that hockey drives a massive wedge in our relationship and because of this, I feel no joy when it is time for us to go to the rink together. I am to the point where I only want to be a chauffer to get him to the rink, or have my wife handle this stuff......

thoughts, comments, expereinces......

OILFAN #81 · 08-30-2011, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Northendzone

So I am looking to hear others experience with respect to coaching their child in a sport as I have been an assistant coach on my sons (he just turned 9) hockey team, and while I have enjoyed it, I have not enjoyed coaching my son and things have gotten to the point where I am ready to let my wife handle all the hockey related duties this year.

It is like my son does not trust me with respect to anything I tell him about hockey, and yet overtime I have been proven right - for example last night he was playing goal and he has gotten it into his head that he can get completely dressed by himself - so he goes to tie up his skates and he only pulls the top lace enough to make a bow - so i tell him that is not going to work very well and I asked him if I could help him by tieing the skates - I get told in no uncertain terms that he likes his skates like that and he'll be fine. So he gets on the ice, it was like watching a timbit player learn how to skate. he then gets home from practice and tells my wife that he had no fun because of his skates were too loose. It is like he feels i know nothing from nothing and he has no trust of me.....

I love hockey, and I feel that hockey drives a massive wedge in our relationship and because of this, I feel no joy when it is time for us to go to the rink together. I am to the point where I only want to be a chauffer to get him to the rink, or have my wife handle this stuff......

thoughts, comments, expereinces......

No experience but from watching other people in the same situation, my advice would be to just take your son to the rink. If you have a passion for hockey and want to coach (and of course if you have the time), coach another team. Kids at that age (around 9 or so), want to do things by themselves or want help from people other then their parents. It is not worth it if it is driving a wedge in your relationship. You can still enjoy his games by simply watching him and yet still show your love for hockey by coaching another team.

evman150 · 08-30-2011, 03:47 PM

Kids respond WAY better to coaches who are not their parents (for the most part).

That being said, sounds like your kid is just being a bit of a brat. At nine years old he should have no problem listening to his father, whether the father is a coach or not.

At higher ages and levels, being a dad-coach is just a bad idea.

Rhettzky · 08-30-2011, 03:50 PM

It's a hard situation to be in but it can be very rewarding too. My dad coached one of my teams while I was growing up and he paid no more attention to me then the rest of the kids whether at practice or during a game. But the cool part was after the game we could chat about things and it was really rewarding.

Now with my kids I see how hard it was for him to stay detached and just focus on coaching. It's tempting to get over-involved at times but in the end I can see the benefit of letting them have their own team learning experiences.

CaptainCrunch · 08-30-2011, 03:58 PM

I would never coach a team that my kid played on, I'd prefer to coach a team thats playing my kid and instruct my team to show no mercy and run up the score, then I'd make him walk home because he disgraced the family name.

It provides a life lesson that dad is awesome, junior is a big fat loser.

Rathji · 08-30-2011, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Northendzone

.

It is like my son does not trust me with respect to anything I tell him about anything, and yet overtime I have been proven right

FYP

Welcome to being a dad of a normal kid. Kids need to learn stuff for themselves more often than not for it to really stick.

I think you just need to figure out a way to give him the info, so when the time comes for him to figure out the right course of action, he already has the answer.

metallicat · 08-30-2011, 04:06 PM

I didn't have a kid on the team when I coached 9 year olds and it was damn near impossible at times to get them to listen to you. I just figured it was part of being a 9 year old. Little #######s.

Coach · 08-30-2011, 04:15 PM

I wouldn't look too much into it. I know it can be frustrating, but remember they're only 9 years old. And even when it seems like theyre not listening, they probably are.

For reference my Dad coached me in numerous seasons growing up, and at least a few times a year we would get into shouting matches that would result in me telling my Dad he didn't know what the F*** he was talking about (the obscenities come later). And as most people know here my Dad played in the NHL for 10 years.

With regards to the equipment stuff, kids do all sorts of crazy things when theyre younger to try and set themselves apart (tie skates differently, tape stick wierd, etc) these things generally go away. I used to tape my stick with a big blank spot in the middle and one strip at the end. I dont know why.

Kids always think they know better. Let him learn and the best medicine IMO is the I told you so.

Northendzone · 08-30-2011, 04:16 PM

i have thought about coaching another team; however, from a logistical perspective it does not work as we also have a 6 yr old daughter who has her own activities and I still play competitive hockey.

my desire to coach was driven by my love of the game and the fact that since i was going to be at the rink that i may as well do something productive.

Despite the frustrations with coaching him, he tells me that he still wants me to coach; however, to me, his actions tell me a different story.

My dad coached me, I am going to ask him how I treated him - although my technical knowledge of the game is light years above what my dads was thanks to the folks at hockey calgary/hockey canada

troutman · 08-30-2011, 04:22 PM

My Dad coached me a couple of seasons when I was 10-12. I loved that he was involved. He was not especially easy/hard on me. We had fun and won a championship, and he bought us all root beer. Thanks Dad.

CaptainCrunch · 08-30-2011, 04:25 PM

My dad refused to watch me play sports after I blew a gasket during a bantam football game took off my helmet a clocked another kid in the head with it knocking him out.

I guess the embarressment of seeing me getting dragged off the field while telling the refs to do anatomically impossible things was too much to take.

Coach · 08-30-2011, 04:28 PM

Yes I would like to add that having my Dad coach me did have it's frustrations, being able to learn from him and spend that time with him when I was younger (especially because he was quite busy otherwise) was awesome and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It was especially better when I was older and could talk to him a bit more man-to-man than father-to-son.

squiggs96 · 08-30-2011, 04:28 PM

This thread reinforces my decision to not have kids was the correct one.

Coach · 08-30-2011, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squiggs96

This thread reinforces my decision to not have kids was the correct one.

I guy that wants to spend time with his son and build a relationship, while other members are talking about great experiences with their dads and this is a reason NOT to have kids?

return to the red · 08-30-2011, 04:34 PM

There are other ways to be still active with your sons Hockey. My step dad used to love helping out but he knew his limits so he worked the bench door. I loved having him on the bench but also loved that fact that he didn't try to offer his opinion just being a casual fan of the game.

I don't mean to say this in a rude way but is there maybe a possibility that your son feels that don't know as much as you think you do? I hated it when others tried to offer advice on my skating or shooting when they couldn't even skate themselves. It could be completely opposite though too. Maybe you have to much knowledge and expectations that maybe he feels inferior or wants to live up to his old man's expectations.

I don't think removing yourself from the game is the right choice though, it sounds like Hockey is something that could strengthen your bond if handled correctly. There are so many disconnects with youth and parents in todays society.

troutman · 08-30-2011, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I blew a gasket during a bantam football game took off my helmet a clocked another kid in the head with it knocking him out.

Willi Plett is your dad?

MarchHare · 08-30-2011, 04:47 PM

Quote:

It is like my son does not trust me with respect to anything I tell him about hockey, and yet overtime I have been proven right - for example last night he was playing goal and he has gotten it into his head that he can get completely dressed by himself - so he goes to tie up his skates and he only pulls the top lace enough to make a bow - so i tell him that is not going to work very well and I asked him if I could help him by tieing the skates - I get told in no uncertain terms that he likes his skates like that and he'll be fine. So he gets on the ice, it was like watching a timbit player learn how to skate. he then gets home from practice and tells my wife that he had no fun because of his skates were too loose. It is like he feels i know nothing from nothing and he has no trust of me.....

There may be another issue going on here. Do the other players on your son's team tie their own skates? Your son might be trying to show that he's grown up and can take care of his equipment, especially if the other kids are doing the same.

One of my most embarrassing moments as a kid (I can't remember the exact age, maybe 10 or 11) was when I was in the locker room getting dressed before a game. One of my teammates walked in and said (in a loud voice so everyone could hear), "Hey MarchHare, I just ran into your mom in the hallway. She told me to ask you if you need her to tie your skates for you." Even though I was totally capable of tying my own skates, I got ribbed for that one for the rest of the season.

habernac · 08-30-2011, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troutman

My Dad coached me a couple of seasons when I was 10-12. I loved that he was involved. He was not especially easy/hard on me. We had fun and won a championship, and he bought us all root beer. Thanks Dad.

Same here. Best coach I ever had, wouldn't trade that time for anything.

My son is only 5, but I share the frustration of having him not listen to me when I am trying to teach him to skate. I'm trying to be as patient as I can, he's very stubborn (but he will listen to me in soccer, WTF??)

Mr.Coffee · 08-30-2011, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarchHare

There may be another issue going on here. Do the other players on your son's team tie their own skates? Your son might be trying to show that he's grown up and can take care of his equipment, especially if the other kids are doing the same.

One of my most embarrassing moments as a kid (I can't remember the exact age, maybe 10 or 11) was when I was in the locker room getting dressed before a game. One of my teammates walked in and said (in a loud voice so everyone could hear), "Hey MarchHare, I just ran into your mom in the hallway. She told me to ask you if you need her to tie your skates for you." Even though I was totally capable of tying my own skates, I got ribbed for that one for the rest of the season.

what a horrible joke, that kid should have been punched in the face. I mean seriously, how were you the one being ribbed after a comment like that?

Anyway, look, from personal experience growing up playing hockey, the problem is easily solved by making your son the team captain. That always goes over well because nothing screams team bonding like a completely unbiased leadership selecting process, plus then your son will listen to you automatically.

In fact if you ever make it to the championship game in esso minor hockey week, and you're supposed to select players for the empty net overtime round, why not simply pluck out a kid from line 1 and slot your child in his place, assuring he has a good chance to get the tournament winning goal?

Sincerely,
Still fataing Bitter

freedogger · 08-30-2011, 08:48 PM

I wouldn't look at that experience as a failure. He learned that loose skates don't work well. Your son will probably tie up his skates tighter next time. He might even ask you for help.

Most lessons learned from failure stick. It is up to us as parents to give children a long enough leash so that they can make mistakes but short enough so that they don't get hurt beyond recovery.