Joke Corner

[Pinner]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6. I can`t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I`m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn`t work on Wife 1.0 .

Please help!

Thanks, Troubled User

*** REPLY***

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

[bc-chris]

i think i saw this thru email a couple years ago

should this go in the funny and cool pic thread maybe?!?!

[Pinner]

Just can't win on this board, if a joke goes into the funny/cool picture thread someone will certainly bitch.

[Komskies]

I entered ten puns into a pun contest, hoping that at least one of them would win.

But no pun in ten did.

[Dion]

A Flames fan and a Canucks fan get into a car accident. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. The Flames fan's car has a Flames sticker clearly visible while the Canucks fan's car has a Canucks sticker clearly visible.

After they crawl out of their cars, Canucks fan says, "So you're a Flames fan, that's interesting. I'm a Canucks fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.

"The Flames fan replied," I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!" The Flames fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune.

"Then he hands the bottle to the Canucks fan. The Canucks fan nods his head in agreement, opens the bottle and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Flames fan. The Flames fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Canucks fan.

The Canucks fan asks, "Aren't you having any?" The Flames fan replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[Dion]

Mario Lemieux, Mats Sundin and Wayne Gretzky are standing before God at the throne of Heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in.

"Addressing Lemieux first he asks, "What do you believe?"

Mario looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe Hockey to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from Moscow to the bright lights of New York. I have devoted my life to bringing such joy to people who watch us and support their team.

"God looks up and offers Mario the seat to his left.

He then turns to Mats Sundin, "And you, Mats, what do you believe?"

Mats stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."

God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Mats the seat to his right.

Finally, he turns to Wayne Gretzky, "And you, Wayne, what do you believe?"

"I believe," says Gretzky, "that you're sitting in my seat."

[MoneyGuy]

Originally Posted by Pinner

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6. I can`t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I`m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn`t work on Wife 1.0 .

Please help!

Thanks, Troubled User

*** REPLY***

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Shouldn't this be in the Teck Talk forum? Is this bitching?

I'd love to see Husband 1.0. It probably crashes a lot and spends a lot of down time on the couch watching sports.

[Crispy's Critter]

http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=97354