Is that a medical term for this behaviour?

[bigbadboss101]

Alright, I dated this woman for three months and late May we broke up. There were good times, but there were too many occasions where a good day turns into a bad one within a 30 seconds time span. Anyways she has a tendency of criticizing others. For example, she tells me I am controlling or critical. She also says this person gossips lots, this person has a temper issue, and this person doesn't think before he/she speaks etc. There are many other instances where she judges people.

Now looking back I see the things she criticize others of is exactly what she is!! Is there a medical term for that? I do care about her and I tried to help by a) pointing it out and b) saying I will work with her. She repetitively says 'it's none of your business' or 'it's in the past'. On many occasions I thought about ending the relationship but wanted to tough it out. When she mentioned to me that she thought we weren't meant to be together, it was a weight off my shoulders. I wanted it to work, but better to break up than to end up in a divorce down the road.

After we broke up we remained friends and I was very nice to her still. One day she asked if she can convince me to go for a walk and we did. Then we had dinner with a mutual friend. All is good right? Few days later she said we can't be friends. Now things are strange because we have lot of mutual friends and she is causing a bit of a division. She said she needs space and boundaries. Honestly I don't believe I should stop hanging with my friends just because she is also in presence. I have zero issue being friends but she does. I think it's her responsibility to create her own space because no one else has any issue that we are all together at one place.

So, I am looking for the term that describe the behavior explained above.

[GreenTeaFrapp]

Being female?

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by bigbadboss101

Alright, I dated this woman for three months and late May we broke up. There were good times, but there were too many occasions where a good day turns into a bad one within a 30 seconds time span. Anyways she has a tendency of criticizing others. For example, she tells me I am controlling or critical. She also says this person gossips lots, this person has a temper issue, and this person doesn't think before he/she speaks etc. There are many other instances where she judges people.

Now looking back I see the things she criticize others of is exactly what she is!! Is there a medical term for that? I do care about her and I tried to help by a) pointing it out and b) saying I will work with her. She repetitively says 'it's none of your business' or 'it's in the past'. On many occasions I thought about ending the relationship but wanted to tough it out. When she mentioned to me that she thought we weren't meant to be together, it was a weight off my shoulders. I wanted it to work, but better to break up than to end up in a divorce down the road.

After we broke up we remained friends and I was very nice to her still. One day she asked if she can convince me to go for a walk and we did. Then we had dinner with a mutual friend. All is good right? Few days later she said we can't be friends. Now things are strange because we have lot of mutual friends and she is causing a bit of a division. She said she needs space and boundaries. Honestly I don't believe I should stop hanging with my friends just because she is also in presence. I have zero issue being friends but she does. I think it's her responsibility to create her own space because no one else has any issue that we are all together at one place.

So, I am looking for the term that describe the behavior explained above.

It's called being a woman.

[getbak]

I'm not a doctor, but I concur with Dr. Frapp.

[Daradon]

I believe this poor individual suffers from having two X chromosomes. That seems to be a source for lots of that behaviour.

In all seriousness, many people, men included, critisice others for what they see in themselves. That's pretty common and there is no health problem that goes along with being that kind of jerk, lol.

As for all the other stuff, well if you're constantly feeling she's up then down, up then down, that's an indication of bi-polar disorder or manic depressive behaviour, but I don't think there enough to your story to suggest that seriously, and getting any info on the web and not an actual doctor is silly at best and dangerous at worst.

[bigbadboss101]

Yeah like I said I do care but I am also pissed at her for being stubborn. Aside from being all the things she accuses others of, plus more. I want to help, but now she is telling me I need to leave her alone. I haven't contacted her via email or phone. When we were dating she did 60% of the phoning and emailing. She would use the Love word 3-4 times a day, sometimes more.

Guess best to let it ride and give it time. She blocked me from Facebook, presumingly don't want to see what's up with my life. Everything to me is fine, except for the fact her behavior is causing awkwardness with mutual friends.

[ResAlien]

Originally Posted by bigbadboss101

Yeah like I said I do care but I am also pissed at her for being stubborn. Aside from being all the things she accuses others of, plus more. I want to help, but now she is telling me I need to leave her alone. I haven't contacted her via email or phone. When we were dating she did 60% of the phoning and emailing. She would use the Love word 3-4 times a day, sometimes more.

Guess best to let it ride and give it time. She blocked me from Facebook, presumingly don't want to see what's up with my life. Everything to me is fine, except for the fact her behavior is causing awkwardness with mutual friends.

You got unfriended? The term is "Immature *filtered word*". Unless you're 15 that's just plain dumb. Even if you are it is still ######ed.

[GoinAllTheWay]

It's called being a hypocrite and that crap drives me crazy. Unfortunately it's not unique to women, just far more prevalent.

DO NOT let her come between you and your friends. She has a problem with it fine, she should take a hike.

[missdpuck]

It's also called self-projection. Psych 1.

Good books about what she's doing include "Addicted to Unhappiness" and "Reinventing Your Life". Am reading both and noticed situations like that mentioned quite frequently.

[Ford Prefect]

Women don't have a copy right on the mentioned behaviour. Let's be fair. It's just part of the human condition and both genders can be affected by such traits.

Cole's Notes version ... being a jerk is not gender specific.

[driveway]

1. If she's using the word "love" three or four times a day after you've been together for three months she's either a) crazy or b) inexperienced. Either way, you should expect some erratic behaviour post-breakup. This is not to excuse the behaviour, merely to say that it's not surprising.

2. If you broke up in late May it's too soon to try to remain friends. Give it until Christmas, maybe then if you're actually interested in having her as a friend you can try talking to her.

3. If your friends are letting her actions/words affect their relationships with you, your friends are d-bags and you're better off without them.

[Flames Draft Watcher]

As someone mentioned above it sound a lot like projection.

"In classical psychology projection is always seen as a defense mechanism which occurs when a person's own unacceptable or threatening feelings are repressed and then attributed to someone else."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection

But she could just be very judgmental, I dunno.

[DOK]

To me it sounds more like a teenaged girl. Why bother with someone who's an ass all the time? Sure, she may have good parts, but if it's annoying you, MOVE ON! And she's affecting your friendship with others? Hows that work? Your giving her too much power my friend. To each their own, move up and on.

[bigbadboss101]

Projection. That is the exact description. Thanks.

Most of our friends will be neutral and should not take sides. I suspect a couple might sway one way or the other and I don't want that.

You are right, I don't need to be friends with everyone. I have offered everything. She had told me I am the bf she had and now the emotional collapse on her part. BTW, we are both in our 30's.

Time to date others....

[DOK]

Yikes, sounds like a lot of work. That's too bad. If she's in her 30's could be a case of being really insecure. If you brought it up, she may not want to admit it quite yet.

As for the friends, they'll find their way to the right place and the right person.

[joe_mullen]

Borderline personality disorder

[Rathji]

Nucking Futs

[SteveToms]

Sounds like my mother.

[Dan02]

Sounds to me like she has a touch of the crazy, fortunately, there is a cure. run.

[CaramonLS]

A lot of girls really, really don't like being told they are exactly what they criticize others for.

Girl: "Wow, Kate really likes to gossip a lot - I honestly can't believe she would say that about her best friend. I can't believe what a bitch she is."

Response A: "Yeah, what a skanky ho bag."

Response B: "Well, you know, you gossip a lot about your best friend too and I really don't think it is fair that you do that. In fact, you should get some help, because you are making fun of Kate for doing the EXACT same thing you do."

Response A should be said aloud and Response B should be kept inside your head with the rest of the things you shouldn't really tell your gf you are thinking.

Just roll with it because if that is the worst thing she does, consider yourself lucky.

Hell, I had a girl I dated for a little while tell me the other day to relax and let things roll off my back a little more like what she does whenever she has problems. I then reminded her that we aren't seeing each other anymore because she was not over her ex-bf she broke up with 7 months ago. She shut up after that.

And I sure as hell wouldn't have said that if I was still dating her. And I'll admit I giggled a little bit inside.