Have you ever cheated?

[FlamesAddiction]

You know, on your girfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband.

I don't expect a lot of people to be honest if they have because it is something looked down upon.

I have. A few times. Not that I'm proud of it - I know it's pretty weak and something I need to avoid in the future.

[Ozy_Flame]

LOL....Cheating is one thing bad enough, but making a habit out of it is another. I implore you to change your ways, Lucifer!

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally posted by Ozy_Flame@Feb 3 2005, 07:22 AM
LOL....Cheating is one thing bad enough, but making a habit out of it is another. I implore you to change your ways, Lucifer!

lol

Yeah, I know. :/ But it's not like I don't feel bad about it.

I don't know why I'm so bad at relationships. I did however say no the last couple of times I could have cheated, so I know I'm improving.

I read a survey a while ago where 60+% of males said that they have cheated before. For females the number was around 50%.

[Claeren]

What is 'cheating' though? It is simply not that simple....

Having sex behind anothers back, from a disease/health perspective alone, is just wrong. Not to mention from a 'grow up and get some balls and just tell your former lover you are ######ing around and need to break-up' perspective.

Dating one person, meeting another, and then dumping the first to THEN persue a relationship with the later.... i have done that. I felt, and still feel, like crap for doing it but that's life.... Especially when you are young, i don't think you can spend too much time being responsible in the face of new experiences, people, and general excitment like that of a new relationship... live is just to short, you will spend more time regreting never doing ANYTHING stupid or crazy then you will feeling bad over the hurt parties feelings.

As i get older the attraction wains, and if/when there are children involved it is definitely a no-go, you have got to grow up eventually and be a man, not just a boy with an over-active penis....

Claeren.

[rockstar]

I'll assume that most of the posters in this thread will be of the male variety.

As guys, and you know you've heard of it before, we suffer from the terrible disease of "thinking we can do better." Admit it, we've all experienced symptoms before, from a casual glance at another woman to the other extreme, the cheating thing.
I think it's a fact of life. Males want to spread their seed, while women want resources. It's classic anthropology.
There's no avoiding the onset of symptoms but the only medication is willpower. And that can be hard to come by!

That said, I think I cheated on my girlfriend in grade 7 or 8, but I don't think it was too serious!

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally posted by Claeren@Feb 3 2005, 07:36 AM

As i get older the attraction wains, and if/when there are children involved it is definitely a no-go, you have got to grow up eventually and be a man, not just a boy with an over-active penis....

I don't think that is a fair generalization. It's not just about sex - at least not for me (and I'm sure a lot of guys). It's an emotional thing. Every time I've cheated, I thought I loved the person. Eventually my senses come back, and I feel bad.

Maybe I'm crazy.

[Ozy_Flame]

Originally posted by FlamesAddiction+Feb 3 2005, 07:42 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (FlamesAddiction @ Feb 3 2005, 07:42 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Claeren@Feb 3 2005, 07:36 AM

As i get older the attraction wains, and if/when there are children involved it is definitely a no-go, you have got to grow up eventually and be a man, not just a boy with an over-active penis....

I don't think that is a fair generalization. It's not just about sex - at least not for me (and I'm sure a lot of guys). It's an emotional thing. Every time I've cheated, I thought I loved the person. Eventually my senses come back, and I feel bad.

Maybe I'm crazy. [/b][/quote]
Were you at the bar tonight? Did you do something you weren't supposed to? Is this why this topic has come up past midnight? lol...

I'm just bugging; obviously since you've recognized your problem and feel sincerely sorry about it, you're on the first step to recovery. That's something alot of people can't really tell themselves, but you've seem to have done it. For that, I congradulate you!

But the hard part is sticking to your instinct. My advice is to participate in activities that will not tempt you to do it again. Stay away from other females, and try to spend more time with your loved one. And don't let your buddies tell you otherwise - group pressure can be a bastion for failure.

Stick it out, and I'm sure you'll feel much better about this in the end.

[CaptainCrunch]

All I have to say us, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Funny though I'm getting to ready to go to Toronto for some meetings, and I met with one of the Regional VP's on monday to get my schedule and airline tickets etc. And she tells me that I'm going to have a lot of fun in Toronto while I'm there because the office there is staffed by a bunch of great people. Then she cryptically says

Don't worry, what happens in Toronto stays in Toronto.

I made the mistake of telling my girlfriend about this weird conversation, and now she thinks that the company that I work for is a modern day Rome run by a modern day Caligula.

I have a phone curfew now.

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally posted by Ozy_Flame@Feb 3 2005, 07:47 AM
Were you at the bar tonight? Did you do something you weren't supposed to? Is this why this topic has come up past midnight? lol...

I'm just bugging; obviously since you've recognized your problem and feel sincerely sorry about it, you're on the first step to recovery. That's something alot of people can't really tell themselves, but you've seem to have done it. For that, I congradulate you!

But the hard part is sticking to your instinct. My advice is to participate in activities that will not tempt you to do it again. Stay away from other females, and try to spend more time with your loved one. And don't let your buddies tell you otherwise - group pressure can be a bastion for failure.

Stick it out, and I'm sure you'll feel much better about this in the end.

Thanks for the advice.

Even though you were just kidding, I wanted to say that; no, nothing has happened recently that made me want to start this thread - well, nothing physical. I have sort of been seeing another person, but have not slept with her. It won't happen either since the person is moving - although I still feel like I'm cheating.

[Claeren]

Originally posted by FlamesAddiction+Feb 3 2005, 12:42 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (FlamesAddiction @ Feb 3 2005, 12:42 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Claeren@Feb 3 2005, 07:36 AM

As i get older the attraction wains, and if/when there are children involved it is definitely a no-go, you have got to grow up eventually and be a man, not just a boy with an over-active penis....

I don't think that is a fair generalization. It's not just about sex - at least not for me (and I'm sure a lot of guys). It's an emotional thing. Every time I've cheated, I thought I loved the person. Eventually my senses come back, and I feel bad.

Maybe I'm crazy. [/b][/quote]
I didn't mean to reduce it to sex. I meant to say that i can better appreciate the (sexual and otherwise) wonders of my significant-other even as time goes by then i could when i was younger. I find i don't look at other women the same way. I suppose it helps that she is commited to staying in incrediable shape, doing interesting things, and is generally interested in sex too.... but i wouldn't be with someone who wasn't so cheating is not a problem.

Or in other words, if you are still cheating it says a whole lot about your current relationship even if you don't want to admit it.

(Not you specifically but Why not just move on and actually be man enough to let your significant other have the same freedom you are stealing for yourself behind her back? Why draw something out that obviously no longer holds your interest? Greed? Fear of the unknown? Jealousy?

Claeren.

[Displaced Flames fan]

Not even close, ever. Been accused of it on more than one occasion though.

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally posted by Claeren@Feb 3 2005, 08:31 AM
(Not you specifically but Why not just move on and actually be man enough to let your significant other have the same freedom you are stealing for yourself behind her back? Why draw something out that obviously no longer holds your interest? Greed? Fear of the unknown? Jealousy?

It's because we live together and don't know anyone in the town we live in but each other really. Breaking up would mean one person moving out, but neither of us could afford to live on our own.

Plus, I'm just not sure if that is what I want. It's hard to break it off with someome after you've been with them for like 5 years. She's seen me at my worst and helped me when I was diagnosed with depression (which according to some literature I read, could be why I do the things I do). I don't want an excuse though.

[Claeren]

Sounds like all the wrong reasons to be together, especially if you are looking elsewhere for attention. Nothing but excuses.

To me it is not the cheating with others that is the crime but cheating yourself that is. You are cheating yourself out of a proactive and dynamic life because you choose what seems to be the easy way out. In reality, it is the hard way because one day you wake up and realize you have been wasting years of your life and you only get one chance at it... better to have some balls, to take a chance, and to find someone now then wait until later when it is too late...

While you may be able to lie to yourself some of the time i think we both know that deep down things need to change and the cheating is just an extension of your fear of doing what needs to be done...

Claeren.

[Cowperson]

Originally posted by FlamesAddiction@Feb 3 2005, 07:20 AM
You know, on your girfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband.

I don't expect a lot of people to be honest if they have because it is something looked down upon.

I have. A few times. Not that I'm proud of it - I know it's pretty weak and something I need to avoid in the future.

My 20th wedding anniversary is coming up . . . . and I've never cheated.

Lots of opportunity and its flattering to the ego . . . . but walk away.

Cowperson

[Wookie]

Never cheated, although haven'nt been in any serious relationship in.. oh 7 years to have anyone to cheat on. Regardless I wouldn't do it..

Now assisting someone cheat.. been there,

as well as a few interesting situations that could have been helping someone cheat.. LMAO

[Agamemnon]

Originally posted by FlamesAddiction+Feb 3 2005, 07:32 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (FlamesAddiction @ Feb 3 2005, 07:32 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteBegin-Ozy_Flame@Feb 3 2005, 07:22 AM
LOL....Cheating is one thing bad enough, but making a habit out of it is another. I implore you to change your ways, Lucifer!

lol

Yeah, I know. :/ But it's not like I don't feel bad about it.

I don't know why I'm so bad at relationships. I did however say no the last couple of times I could have cheated, so I know I'm improving.

I read a survey a while ago where 60+% of males said that they have cheated before. For females the number was around 50%.[/b][/quote]
You're probably putting yourself in the position to 'cheat' a lot if this happens to you on a regular basis. Unless you're unbelievably attractive (?), then your environment or actions are likely the major cause that women would 'come on to you' causing you to cheat.

Stop drinking/partying/lying to your girlfriend... or don't. :P

[pope04]

Originally posted by fotze@Feb 3 2005, 02:39 PM
I just haven't put myself in a position to make it an issue of having to decide.# I guess I don't lead the porno lifestyle that you guys do.# I think it is far less bad to do it while not married, but doing it while married is insane, the guilt would make me physically ill, it would be like starting a aheroine habit.

You'd definitely be a cheater if you started a "heroine" habit.

[habernac]

I've had opportunities, but I've walked away every time. My conscience would kill me if I ever did do something like that.

[Reaper]

Originally posted by FlamesAddiction@Feb 3 2005, 01:08 AM
Even though you were just kidding, I wanted to say that; no, nothing has happened recently that made me want to start this thread - well, nothing physical. I have sort of been seeing another person, but have not slept with her. It won't happen either since the person is moving - although I still feel like I'm cheating.

Maybe the reason that you feel like you're cheating is because you probably are.

In my opinion, it's not the sex that gets people so wound up about cheating but the emotional aspect. Most people expect exclusivity in the area of emotional intimacy when they are in a committed relationship.

When you get to the point where you would go meet up with another woman and hide it from your significant other then it is cheating because you're giving the emotional intimacy that you are supposed to reserve for your girlfriend/wife/WHY and giving it to another person.

Cheating is far, far more than just sex.

[Flames Draft Watcher]

Originally posted by Reaper+Feb 3 2005, 10:06 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Reaper @ Feb 3 2005, 10:06 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-FlamesAddiction@Feb 3 2005, 01:08 AM
Even though you were just kidding, I wanted to say that; no, nothing has happened recently that made me want to start this thread - well, nothing physical. I have sort of been seeing another person, but have not slept with her. It won't happen either since the person is moving - although I still feel like I'm cheating.

Maybe the reason that you feel like you're cheating is because you probably are.

In my opinion, it's not the sex that gets people so wound up about cheating but the emotional aspect. Most people expect exclusivity in the area of emotional intimacy when they are in a committed relationship.

When you get to the point where you would go meet up with another woman and hide it from your significant other then it is cheating because you're giving the emotional intimacy that you are supposed to reserve for your girlfriend/wife/WHY and giving it to another person.

Cheating is far, far more than just sex. [/b][/quote]
A very good point.

I think I remember hearing about a study or survey where men considered "cheating" to be physical and women had a much broader definition including talking intimately in a chatroom par example.