Yes or No: Should the guy always be expected to pay on the first date?

[MissKat]

I say it depends - drink or coffee, then yes. Fine dinner, sporting event, or movie +? No.

To me, too many girls out there always expect the dude to pay their way and just stand there all pretty waiting for the dude to pull out his wallet. That is a VERY bad first impression!

But to me, it also says a lot about a girl if they even offer to pay their way. Do I expect to pay? No, but I always at least offer to pay for myself. When a lot just stand there like a showcase jewel, automatically expecting the guy to pay their way through the night, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

So where do you guys draw the line?

[Caged Great]

Personally, I always expect to pay for both at the beginning of the date, but what gets me is when they expect me to pay without making any intention of offering to split it.

It's just one of those things that depends on the situation.

[flylock shox]

When I was young and stupid, I always paid for the first date.

Now that I'm older and classless, when the bill comes, I just fold my arms across my chest and stare at the girl, sometimes making gestures with my eyebrows, until she caves and foots the bill herself. On the odd occasion this doesn't work, I simply excuse myself on the pretext of going to the bathroom, and then I leave the restaurant/cafe and don't come back.

I'm still waiting for a girl to simply pay the whole bill without my having to go through this rigmarole. And when said girl comes along, I will know I have found the girl I'm going to marry.

Unless, of course, she's ugly. Then it's pretty much just a free sammich.

[Dion]

A new survey on sex and money by Elle/MSNBC.com suggests it's not going to happen any time soon. Almost two-thirds of men polled want a woman to split the tab and nearly half would ditch a girl who they felt was treating them like a soup kitchen.

"Men who expect to date many women don't understand why they should invest in a risky thing - it's better to cover their own expenses," explains sex therapist Dr. Joy Davidson.

Sam Saltz 27, marketing director for Lifebooker.com, has another explanation: "I think that some guys feel like they don't get to be men in any other part of their lives, so why should they have to pay the check? Women are their boss and their doctor, and the woman they're going to marry isn't going to take care of them so why pay on the first date?"

So why don't women just come out and demand their date show some chivalry? Because the whole thing is so, well, politically incorrect.

"Wanting a guy to pick up a check is a secret source of shame," says Wakeman, a self-described feminist.

"If anything, it feels like I'm admitting that I need to be taken care of and I'm not independent," adds Colleen, 29, of Brooklyn. And just because city women want equal rights, it doesn't mean they have to give up being courted.

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle...dinner_bu.html

[jammies]

I usually give her the money and half the blow up front so she can relax and not worry I'm going to do a runner.

Oh wait, you mean THAT kind of dating.

[Ozy_Flame]

I actually write columns for mens magazines about this stuff.

Wanna get laid? Pay for the damn dinner.

[Flame Of Liberty]

Originally Posted by Ozy_Flame

I actually write columns for mens magazines about this stuff.

Wanna get laid? Pay for the damn dinner.

Actually, I'd say that the fact whether or not she has to pay her share doesn't negatively affect her thought process when she decides whether she wants you or not. Last time I didn't spend a dime on a girl, and it didn't matter one bit. Women worth dating are not that interested in being baby-sit, they want to be challenged in any ways you can think of. Making her cough up money for her own damn expenses is one way.

[Ozy_Flame]

Originally Posted by Flame Of Liberty

Actually, I'd say that the fact whether or not she has to pay her share doesn't negatively affect her thought process when she decides whether she wants you or not. Last time I didn't spend a dime on a girl, and it didn't matter one bit. Women worth dating are not that interested in being baby-sit, they want to be challenged in any ways you can think of. Making her cough up money for her own damn expenses is one way.

You're over-analyzing. Pay for the first dinner, then go dutch or get her to pay on the second. It's a sign of respect.

Plus, your chances of getting laid increase tenfold. Guaranteed.

[Daradon]

Depends on the context of the date. If it's a very casual 'let's meet here for coffee or a drink', I'd expect it to be each person for themselves, though I'd probably offer (unless something went really wrong. Heck I'd probably offer even if I didn't expect to see them again as long as they weren't a jerk).

If it was a set date, more formal, I would be expecting to pay. I would appreciate an offer to split when the bill came, but I'd probably decline. Maybe say she can get me back the next time if she really feels like it (thereby already making moves towards a second date).

[Muta]

I make 'em pay the first time, or else I send them to the back of the line.

[The Goon]

When I was dating, my attitude was, "If I asked her out, I'm paying." Makes for minimal awkwardness at the end.

[fatso]

I'm not sure it's a gender or feminism issue. I mean, what do gay people do? Seems to me to be a common sense and decency issue.

If you're the person who asked and set-up the event for the date, you should probably offer to pay. Seems only fair since the other person is presumably there because of your request.

If it's an expensive outing if one party offers to pay, the other party should at least offer to go dutch. If it's a cheap thing like a coffee or a beer, both parties should probably offer to cover it (at least to be polite).

If it's someone you've liked for a long time or you had a great time, you probably want to put your best foot forward. Even if they asked you out, you might want to offer to pick up the tab as a sign that you enjoyed your time together.

I'm reluctant to give a rule, but if I had to... I'd say first date payor should be the one who asked and organized the date.

[Temporary_User]

In simple terms: Yes a guy should expect to pay for the first date.

It all depends on the context though.

Say you do a two activity date, guy pays for more expensive thing, women offers to pay for least expensive thing.
i.e. go to hockey game, women could offer to buy a round of drinks.
i.e. go coffee & trip to zoo.

If it is obvious that a 2nd date is never going to occur and a somewhat expensive 1st date has occured. I think a women should offer to pay her way for said 1st date.

If you're on date #3 and she still hasn't offered to pay for a date, then she is done.

[JustAnotherGuy]

If I have asked her out on a date then I assume that I will pay. If she is sitting there giving attitude about expecting me to pay I might come up with plan B. Which at most I would get her to cover the tip. Is she give more attitude then I will cover everything and we won't have to worry about the next time.

I like to be the traditionalist when on a date. The man pays. I don't know why, I think it is because it seems like it is more of a date than just a casual 'outing'.

If there are more and more dates then eventually it is shared or we alternate who pays. Sometimes I still like to pay though. If it was a special night out.

[Rathji]

If I ask someone out to dinner, I should be fully willing to pay the bill when it arrives. Doesn't matter if it a date or my mother. I don't always expect it though, that's not practical

[LouCypher]

First date I would say yes, it is tradition. Every single date? Well if your looking at forming a solid relationship I think some things eventually have to be shared including costs of dinners,movies ect. I think its a good test to see if a girl your dating likes you enough to pay for one of the dates or at least pay her way once in a while.

[GreenTeaFrapp]

Yes, a man should pay on the first date just like a woman will be the one to have the children, in the unlikely event the relationship gets that far.

[Locke]

I've found that having the first date in my basement helps keep the costs down.

[Boblobla]

Yes, but the woman should realize that by allowing the man to pay that is consent.

[GreenTeaFrapp]

Originally Posted by Locke

I've found that having the first date in my basement helps keep the costs down.

That's not a date. That's kidnapping and forcible confinement.