Depression

[ricosuave]

Hi CPers.

Well, it may not seem like it to anyone else, but today is a very important day. It's the day that finally I admit to myself after ~10 years that I am suffering from deep depression and find somewhere to turn.

I can't even pin it down to one or two things. I am spinning my wheels in the mud in a vain attempt to gain control of what was once my life.

Self doubt and worth are at an all time low now. Its not as though it was ever really that high to begin with, but now, I see myself as nothing but a fragile shell of was once a semi-confident person. I have huge issues with society as a whole, and day-to-day life in a place like Calgary is just asking to be stepped on. I would sooner go live on an island alone somewhere rather than face the artificial relationship that most friendships and work relationships tend to be, all superficial and self directed, without a thought to anyone else.

Of course, I have my moments of up as well as downs, but they are fewer and farther between now. I have always prided myself at being able to solve problems, and for a time, I thought I actually thought I could solve this. Its obvious to me now that I cannot.

I have spoken with some professionals about this briefly - they really havent told me anything that I didn't already suspect or know. I have an appointment this week with a new Dr, maybe that will make a difference.

The strange part of all this is I cant even begin to say why I posted this. Maybe I thought that it might be theraputic if I typed it out or something. Maybe I thought that someone here might actually give a damn, the ability of which I lost a while ago, and try to help.

Some days, I dont even want to do anything, and those things that I do do, are not healthy. I know they arent. but I cant help it, I have locked myself into a downward spiral, and am struggling to get out.

I should be happy. I have things that some, if not most people, would be grateful for. I have a loving and supportive wife who has tried her best to help, guide, support and tolerate me at my lowest. I know deep down that I am the sort of decent person that I think I am, but there are also times and situations where I doubt even that, because of the cloud that hangs there.

CPers, I didnt mean to get anyone else down, I think I just needed to get it out to someone and admit it.

Now the next step will be to admit it to my family, who will probably be shocked at the revelation, or maybe they already know. I have become pretty good at putting on a face, maybe too good.

I know that there are a lot of facets to this problem, some easy, some hard, some intertwine with others, and I hope to have the strength to face some of them.

If you are still here, thanks for listening. I hope to be back soon.

[OILFAN #81]

Whoa, hope everything turns out for the better and the best of luck to you with everything.

EDIT: Make sure you talk to people and let out all your emotions. That is key in situations like this. Let everyone know how you feel and don't keep anything inside. Your family especially needs to know how you feel. I'm glad you are turning to help as you said in your original post. That might help, it might not but good for you on getting help.

All the best.

[feartheflames]

Things will get better Rico... I will pray that you find strength in this hard time and when things finally start going your way I know that you will appreciate it.You will always have friends here. God bless

[Antithesis]

Best of luck, depression can be a terrible thing to go through. I hope you get well soon.

[ricosuave]

And the worst of it all, is that I posted in the wrong forum.

Exposed myself for all, and couldnt even get that right... LOL

Mods, would you mind moving it?

[Bertuzzied]

Originally Posted by ricosuave

And the worst of it all, is that I posted in the wrong forum.

Exposed myself for all, and couldnt even get that right... LOL

Mods, would you mind moving it?

Well at least you didn't post it in the buy/sell forum. hehe

[OILFAN #81]

Originally Posted by ricosuave

And the worst of it all, is that I posted in the wrong forum.

Exposed myself for all, and couldnt even get that right... LOL

Mods, would you mind moving it?

Hey i'm a diehard fan of a 5-9-0 30th ranked team. That's depression right there. Feel better.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by ricosuave

And the worst of it all, is that I posted in the wrong forum.

Exposed myself for all, and couldnt even get that right... LOL

Mods, would you mind moving it?

Dont worry about that, the mods'll take care of moving it.

I have to say, best of luck to you. I dont have any useful advice to give you, except maybe, be careful. Take care of yourself as best you can.

[SteveToms]

ricosuave, I am one that has often battled depression in my life, and I will say this, no matter how down life can yet you, there is a always a reason to get back up again. Keep fighting buddy, you have all of our support.

[Resolute 14]

Getting it out is a giant first step, and one that I know full well is extremely difficult.

The biggest thing I would suggest is that whatever doctor/therapist you are seeing next, go in with an open mind, and give them some time. A brief talk, or one session isn't likely to fix things. Make it a point to go a few times, and pay attention to what they are saying. It will take them a couple sessions to get a good read on you and what you are facing.

The demons you face are powerful, and from my own experience, will fight you harder than ever as you turn to fight them. But with the support of your friends and family, you will win through.

I wish you the best of luck. It is not an easy fight, but one with a worthy goal.

[OILFAN #81]

I just wanted to add:

Don't worry about "bringing people down". Everyone needs to lean on others at one point or another. This is no different. You shouldn't have to feel bad for going to others. People care about you and obviously would be very happy to listen/help you out.

[alltherage]

Hey man, that's a pretty serious thing, it sounds like you are on the right track with wanting to talk to your family, but also give your doctor a fair shake too. Sometimes these things are more than emotions or one or two curve balls coming your way at a time. Sometimes anxiety or physical/chemical imbalances can lead to this kind of feeling so it's really best you talk to your family and doctor. It is good for you to talk about it, which is ironic because all too often it's the hardest thing to talk about. I'm glad you're getting it out, bro. I'm sure you'll see with a little communication that things start to come around. Good luck.

[Eastern Girl]

Being able to admit it and then say it out loud is a big and rather important step. You had the strength to be honest and that's a very good thing. I hope you are able to get to a place where you can be happy.

[SportsJunky]

I'm glad you are seeking professional advice RS. Depression is manageable as I'm sure you are aware and this will hopefully be just a speed bump on the path you are taking in life. This too shall pass friend.

Also, the work issue you describe is very similar to one I'm caught up in right now. If you are going to go, go out swinging (figuratively of course). Make sure they have heard your take on how things have gone sideways for you at the workplace. Hell, it will make you feel better if nothing else.

[troutman]

Many depressions have bio-chemical causes. A relative of mine completely turned their life around after a proper diagnosis and prescription.

It is too bad in this society that people are afraid to talk about depression. It is an illness like any other, and is treatable.

[Phanuthier]

Good for you, rico. And Good Luck.

[Antithesis]

Originally Posted by troutman

Many depressions have bio-chemical causes. A relative of mine completely turned their life around after a proper diagnosis and prescription.

It is too bad in this society that people are afraid to talk about depression. It is an illness like any other, and is treatable.

It's true - I think it's even worse for men than women, but that's 100% anecdotal. Heaven forbid we talk about our emotions, right? We all know it's stupid and yet we resist doing it. I am thankful every day that I don't have to deal with this particular thing.

[Dion]

I've been down that road of depression you're going through.

Families are pretty good at detecting things. I'm willing to bet they won't be too surprised when you talk to them. Chances are you've been showing changes in your moods and behaviour.

No matter how dark that road seems you must NEVER give up hope. I did once and it nearly cost me my life through suicide. There are always choices.

You're on the right track in reaching out for help. Don't hesitate to lean on friends and family, they WILL understand and be supportive.

Get some counselling. These trained professionals can help you work through your problems. Thing is you have to give it a fair shot. It worked for me and i'm sure it can work for you. In fact you might want to try this place. I used it awhile back.

http://www.calgarycounselling.com/counselling.htm

There is medication out there to help you through the tough times until you get your problems sorted out.

Exercise is great for depression also. The endorphines you get will help to elivate the mood you are in.

Find an activity or hobby that gives you joy. Something as simple as that can help distract you from your depression. It can also boost your self confidence

Best of luck and hang in there!

[ken0042]

Well, let me be the first to suggest the cure all for any kind of depression- Hookers and blow.

(Sorry, just trying to cheer you up a bit.)

In all seriousness, I think we've all had some ups and downs, and from my own experience the first step is always to talk about it; which you've done. Keep in mind your CP buddies are always here for you.

[JiriHrdina]

Good on you for having the courage to admit it and get some help. Too many people let it destroy their lives completely.