Any stay at home dads here? How is it?

[photon]

An opportunity is presenting itself where it might involve me becoming a stay at home dad, at least for a while.

My kid's turning 4, so he's only one more year away from school age.

Anyone here transitioned from career to stay at home dad? Was it really hard? Harder than you'd thought? Or more rewarding than you'd thought?

I'm not scared of more time with the kid, I'm more concerned with things like cooking, cleaning, when he's sick, that sort of thing.

Any input? Things I should be considering?

[Iowa_Flames_Fan]

I'm not a full time SAHD, but I teach from 8:00-12:00, after which I take care of my daughter in the afternoons. It's not so bad--she's 11 months old, so she's a lot of fun. It is hard to do anything else at the same time, because she's into everything.

Why are you concerned with cooking? Is it that you don't know how to cook? No disrespect intended--just asking. If that's the problem, I can give you some pointers.

[photon]

I know how to cook, I just hate doing it

It's one of those things that the cost vs. reward ratio isn't there for me... A huge amount of time in preparation and cleanup vs. a small reward (15 minute meal).

I guess I could maybe try to get around that by learning to cook new and different things. Some friends of ours don't have kids, and she works from home, but he cooks most of the time (he's REALLY good at it and really enjoys it).

Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, picking up after the kid.. I'm not a macho guy that thinks that's woman's work or anything, but I secretly like the fact that I miss most of it because I'm at work all day and she's a stay at home mom.

[Iowa_Flames_Fan]

Originally Posted by photon

It's one of those things that the cost vs. reward ratio isn't there for me... A huge amount of time in preparation and cleanup vs. a small reward (15 minute meal).

My first suggestion is don't eat so fast!

[taco.vidal]

Great for you to consider. I believe a large part of society finds it emasculating. What industry do you work in? Could be tough going back after paternity leave.

Is the wife the breadwinner in the house?

Originally Posted by photon

An opportunity is presenting itself where it might involve me becoming a stay at home dad, at least for a while.

My kid's turning 4, so he's only one more year away from school age.

Anyone here transitioned from career to stay at home dad? Was it really hard? Harder than you'd thought? Or more rewarding than you'd thought?

I'm not scared of more time with the kid, I'm more concerned with things like cooking, cleaning, when he's sick, that sort of thing.

Any input? Things I should be considering?

[Ford Prefect]

I'm pretty much past it, but I've been doing it for close to 14 years now. I started working at home when our kids were 1 and 3, and they're now 14 and 17. My wife is an RN and switched to a straight evening shift schedule so she was at home until about 2:30 pm looking after the kids, at which time I took over the parenting. She switched to a days/evenings schedule once the kids were both in school. There are many things I value about working at home, but getting the opportunity to be a hands-on parent with our kids is at the top of the list. The rewards are priceless, and will probably bear fruits for a lifetime.

As for things like cooking, in retrospect I'd have to say they were pretty much a non-factor. If anything, cooking was a net plus ... I've invented dishes like Road Kill Goulash that are among the kids' favourites. In fact, it's my daughter's favourite "comfort food." She even asked me to make it for her birthday one year. I felt pretty good about that. I'd have to say any guy who has a chance to be a stay at home dad should jump at the opportunity. You really get to know your kids, which is a truly great reward.

[Draug]

I'm a half stay at home dad ...

My wife and I both have fulltime jobs, but both also work out of our home. I develop software for my own company and she does outreach with junior and senior high kids. As you can imagine, our schedules are really flexible.

With the exception of my mom coming one day a week, my wife and schedule our away from home work commitments around each other so that one person is always home.

I love the extra time I get to spend with my daughter, vs those that must commute to work and spend 10-12 hours away from home each day. It is the small day to day time where you really get to watch your children grow up; I feel like I miss very little being at home so often. Of course, that will be less important when the kids are in school all day.

[pope04]

I was the stay-at-home parent to three boys for four years.

Was it hard? No, not really. My wife and I decided that WE were going to raise our kids. For those four years or so, my wife worked close to full-time hours while I took care of the kids and studied production accounting part time.

Now, I work M-F full time, and my wife works most weekends. While on domestic duties, I was never very good at hard-core housecleaning, but I (very) gradually became a whiz at meals, doing homework with the kids and laundry.

Looking back, it was rewarding: I have a relationship with my kids that is light years ahead of the relationship I had with my father.

[CrusaderPi]

I took the full 35 weeks of parental leave after my last kid was born. I loved it. Staying home with the newborn, 2 and 5 year old was a very rewarding experience. We were poor like you wouldn't believe - that sort of happens when the sole bread winner is taking EI, but I'd recommend the experience to anyone.

[Ford Prefect]

Originally Posted by Draug

I'm a half stay at home dad ...

My wife and I both have fulltime jobs, but both also work out of our home. I develop software for my own company and she does outreach with junior and senior high kids. As you can imagine, our schedules are really flexible.

With the exception of my mom coming one day a week, my wife and schedule our away from home work commitments around each other so that one person is always home.

I love the extra time I get to spend with my daughter, vs those that must commute to work and spend 10-12 hours away from home each day. It is the small day to day time where you really get to watch your children grow up; I feel like I miss very little being at home so often. Of course, that will be less important when the kids are in school all day.

That is it in a nut shell. There's no way of experiencing that level of closeness and familiarity with your kids other than by being there every day. Heck, I even learned to enjoy changing diapers because it's a totally unique bond that is made by doing the little things like that. Except for the turbo poop blowouts of course ... there's nothing rewarding about those.

[photon]

Originally Posted by taco.vidal

Great for you to consider. I believe a large part of society finds it emasculating. What industry do you work in? Could be tough going back after paternity leave.

Is the wife the breadwinner in the house?

I'm a computer programmer, and I plan to keep working doing contract work part time; my son's got no siblings and he's nearing school age so I don't mind him going to preschool or day-home (there's a great one near us) to get some socialization.

As an aside it's been amazing to see the changes since he's started going to day home; now he talks about his friends there and even wanted to help bake cupcakes to take to them! He did that and when he was giving to his friends my wife said he looked so proud

But yeah I agree it might be tough to get back into it, but that might be ok to, I can't be a programmer forever.

Thanks for all the rest of the input guys, it's encouraging and makes me feel better about it. It'll still be hard because I know myself and I can be too lazy sometimes taking the easy path (i.e. not baking the cupcakes in the above example and just buying them instead or just not doing it), but maybe this would help improve that as well.

[habernac]

I sort of became one today as my job got outsourced as of yesterday. I hope to be employed again soon, but I'll enjoy it as long as I am here.

[macker]

My wife is a nurse and works 10 days per month so for those 10 days I shut down my home based financial services company. It used to bother me not being able to answer calls imediately when they came in but now looking after my 3 year old and 5 year old is all that matters. I came to realize that my clients are very patient and as long as I get back to them within 3-4 hours I am not going to lose them as clients. I can't believe how much fun I have hanging out with my kids! We are always inventing new things to do during the day and there isn't much we haven't experienced together. We can really stretch out a trip to Superstore and I now realize that what kids really want is your time and attention and to feel comfort by your presence. I never had that with my parents as they were very driven in their careers which was typical when I was growing up. I would like to think that we are learning from our parents mistakes and if your work is more important then your family then that you are really missing out. Enjoy every day you have with your kids : especially when they are young as when they grow up you want them to know that you were there for them! I am not saying that I have the stay at home dad thing under control but I am doing my best and at the end of the day I think this is all the kids really want and I think I am learning from them as much as they are from me so it is a very rewarding experience!

[Montana Moe]

I guess you would call me a part time stay at home dad. I have extra long shifts as a firefighter, so I get 4 days off per week. I work Friday/Saturday/Sunday, my wife works a typical M-F shift.

My kids are ages 2 1/2, and 11 months. I have the kids Monday thru Thursday, my Grandmother has them on Fridays while my wife is working.

It is tough sometimes having two that are so young, when I can get them to nap simultaneously it is a blessing! I have a picky eater, and a human trash compactor, so the meal situations kind of work themselves out.

I tell my wife that if she wants something done during the day (laundry, dishes, etc.) to please leave me a list or it likely will not get done. I'm not one to go looking for something to do around the house, and I know I could do a bit better in this aspect. It does take away from my time on CP and my Saints board, you know!!!

The benefits certainly outweigh the drawbacks. My kids know who I am, and we have good lines of communication with each other. I'm often the first to hear new words, see new accomplishments, etc. which makes me feel like I have an advantage over a lot of other dads.

I would like to actually be off on one of my days off at some point.

[Jagger]

Originally Posted by CrusaderPi

I took the full 35 weeks of parental leave after my last kid was born. I loved it. Staying home with the newborn, 2 and 5 year old was a very rewarding experience. We were poor like you wouldn't believe - that sort of happens when the sole bread winner is taking EI, but I'd recommend the experience to anyone.

I completely agree. I took about 20 weeks Parental with our third child and it was the best thing I've ever done. To spent so much time at home watching all of our kids develop and play was just incredible. I loved every minute of it. Once our fourth came around I couldn't afford to go that route, I was making too much money at the time! Four kids = mega costs!!! (Totally worth it though)

My wife works from home with three pre-schoolers would you believe. It is incredibly hard for her but somehow she manages to balance it all. She's a photographer so the kids go with grandma during shoots but all of the retouching work etc. she does with the kids around. She has a system, the kids know when lunch is, she will do some activities with them, take them out if she gets some work done. They know the drill having been around the business since birth. They're used to customers coming into our home for example. Just get a routine to balance work with looking after your little one and you should be fine. Let's face it, my wife does it with three all day, and four after school, so it should be a total breeze with one!!!!! Oh, and don't worry about food either. Pasta is fast, easy, and kids usually love it!