Help with drug addiction

[Save Us Sutter]

Ok guys, I need some help and as I am fairly new to the city of Calgary I’m not really sure where else to turn. There are a lot of knowledgeable posters on this board and I figured I could turn here for some advice.

Here’s the story…

My girlfriend and I moved out here together about 4 months ago. Since that time we have broken up but remained friends as we’ve always been very close even before we were in a relationship.

About three weeks ago she started dating a new guy who heavily uses coke and smokes crack. Of course, she has started doing it with him on an almost daily basis. She has lost her day job as she can’t wake up in the mornings and is currently working part time at a bar where 50% of the staff and probably 80% of the clientelle also uses drugs.

As her ex, it is very difficult for me to say anything to her about this new guy as she sees it as me being jealous. To be honest, I am a little jealous that he gets to spend so much time with her, but I am more worried about her drug use than anything. She had problems with this in the past and it was one of the reasons she moved to Calgary. To be with her family and get away from the people back home who she was doing drugs with. (Not me for the record) The first three months here she hardly ever did anything and maintained a full time job. Now she is slipping back into old habits and it’s actually worse than it ever was.

There have been a few times in the past two weeks where she has broken down and cried to me about how depressed she is and how helpless she feels, but then when she wakes up in the morning, she goes right back out and does it again. I have given her what advice I can but I’ve realized now that this is way over my head and I need some help.

So CP Nation, I ask of you. Does anyone have experience helping a loved one get the help they need? She needs to get treatment for her depression as well as I think that is a big part of why she uses. I am looking for names/numbers of programs, doctors, meetings, psychologists, whatever you can think of or have used in the past.

Preferably something with a low cost, as neither her nor I have a lot of money and also I think something that is targeted specifically for women as I feel that would be most helpful for her.

Sorry for such a long post but I just don’t know what to do anymore, and I am seriously dreading the phone call telling me someone found her ODed in a gutter somewhere. No matter our history, I truly love this girl and want to do what I can for her. She has been receptive to the idea of getting help but never gets started by herself so I figured I could do that part for her.

Thank you so much in advance. You could honestly be saving someone's life here.

Jesse

[droopydrew19]

The question here is does she want help?

You can't force her into anything and ultimately any successful recovery will have to come from within her. Wishing you good luck with this.

[Dion]

I agree with Droopy. She has to want to get better. I do hope that she does and you are able to ger that help. Best of luck.

[ThinRedLine]

Call '211' ....it's the social service directory. Explain the situation and they'll refer you to one of the many useful services available. There are quite a few directed towards women. My wife works in this field and there is plenty of help out there. Just call 211 and it's a good start.

[Jayems]

Ever start of a great story, just to re-read it and find out that your message doesn't come across right?

I'll try and re-post in the a.m. when I might make more sense.

I have a very close friend who is an ex-drug user, and is probably the best person to grace this earth. With out a doubt. (besides my fiancee, of course ). Anyway, I'll try and relate tomorrow...

[CaptainCrunch]

Listen Jesse;

there's a couple of things that you need to know or ask.

1) Has she truly asked for help?

2) Are you asking this question for her, or is getting her cleaned up or treated something that your doing for yourself?

Let me use a real life scenario.

I had a friend that we'll call Bob, worked for a Oil Company, made a ton of money, married young, the whole Canadian dream. After about 10 years of marriage, his wife divorced him, took the kids, the house, etc. He sat at home and started feeling sorry for himself. Then he started to drink, then he got hooked up with the wrong friends and drank some more, then he tried cocaine, then he got into crack, tried Meth, really liked that.

For about three or four years, his circle of friends watched him as he basically tried to kill himself. It wasn't because we were cruel, or evil, we all tried to support him and help him in our own way. We took him to rehab, dragged him to AA meetings. And in those moments of sobriety, or mild inebriation he would tell us about how lost he was, or how he wanted to quit, etc. But we were the suckers, sure we felt good about ourselves because we were helping him, but the bottom line was that every time our back was turned, he headed our to meet his old friends or go to his old haunts and drink and snort and smoke and whatever.

He was asking for help, but refused to leave the lifestyle. One day I got a call that my friend was in the hospital, Bob had been dragged to the hospital by another one of our friends, his last few years had caught up with him, and he had heart damage, liver damage, and his blood chemistry was a mess. The doctor basically told us that he was going to die, and we should say our good byes.

Fortunately our friend was a bit of a fighter once the odds were really against him, and he slowly recovered, and when he woke up in a hospital bed and faced his situation, he realized that he had hit the bottom, and then he realized that he wanted and not needed help. So we made sure that we worked with him, and not against him, got him into treatment, paid for private counselling, the works. He's been clean for a couple of years, but the lesson that we learned and your going to have to learn is this.

1) If she needs help, she has to want help.

2) She has to get away from her boyfriend, her current job, and her current life

3) she has to unconditionally surrender to her changes.

Offering to help her with treatment or rehab isn't going to help unless she really and truly wants to do it, and not because she's doing it just to get her friends and family off of her back.

4) She can never ever touch the stuff against


Canadian Mental Health Association - Calgary Region
Main Office:
Suite 400, 1202 Centre Street SE
Calgary, AB T2G5A5
Tel: 403.297.1700
Fax: 403.270.3066
Email: info@cmha.calgary.ab.ca


http://www.drug-rehab.ca/calgaryrehabcenter.htm


(BTW the above story kinda explains why I have zero tolerance for drug use. I watched it consume a friend)

[Jayems]

I won't ask, but i'll let you know just incase.

If she is suicidal, or has hinted at it in the past, you can call the police. (It has to be current, you can't just call them saying she said she was going to kill herself a week ago). But if it's current, then the police will respond, and will take her to the hospital where they can form 10 her. This basically keeps her in the hospital (with security by her 24/7 stopping her from leaving) and she'll get some help. There have been a lot of drug users that go through a form 10 process, but most just sober up in the morning, and get discharged because their suicidal tendencies are gone. But if she truly wants help, that is a good avenue. And again, I stress that this is only if she has said something that would suggest her life is in danger. Don't use this method just because. You could end up with a charge for filing a false police report, and don't crowd the hospitals up even more than they are.

You can always try and convince her to go to the emergency room to talk to someone. There is a crisis team at every hospital who specialize in all sorts of matters. If she will go, take her down, go to triage and explain the situation. They will set you up. You will also get in faster because most people are waiting for a medical bed, where there are usually 3-5 psych beds in each ER that can't be filled (in most cases) with a medical patient.

[Save Us Sutter]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

From what she tells me in those rare moments where she is being honest with herself she really does want help. She is exhausted, ashamed and depressed and she knows this is being caused by her drug use.

Now I realize she might just be saying that but the times it has come out was not because anyone was hounding her. Sometimes she just starts to cry for no reason and that's when the truth comes out.

And no, I am not doing this for myself. If I was worried about what was good for me, I would pack my bags and move back to Halifax and be done with it. But I love her and I cannot turn my back on her as much as I feel like I should sometimes.

I have had my own problems in the past and if there's one thing I have learned is that no one is going to change unless they really want to. I truly believe that she does want to, she just doesn't know where to start. I feel like if I can get her started then she will do what it takes to get better. Sometimes all it takes it a push in the right direction.

Again, thank you everyone. I didn't know about 211. Will be trying that in the AM.

EDIT: As far as I can tell she hasn't reached the point of contemplating suicide yet. She has never said or done anything that would indicate that and I am fairly well educated in noticing the signs as I have worked in several group homes in Halifax and now in Calgary. She is definately headed down that path but hopefully can get treatment before it reaches that point.

Also just wanted to add that I do have a degree in Psychology and have taken several courses in Drugs and Addiction. Just pointing that out so I don't come off like a naive kid trying to get his girlfriend back. Her problem transcends any previous relationship her and I had and this is a case of trying to save her life, not make her come back to me.

thanks again

[jar_e]

For what it's worth...211 is probably the better option, but Calgary Healthlink (943-5465) may have some resources/options in regards to the matter/treatment.

[Vulcan]

I'd do the best you can for her but you deserve better, find yourself another girlfriend. It will let you look at the problem from a more unemotional state and in my experience, will let you handle the situation better.

[FlamingLonghorn]

You said she has family in Calgary. I would recommend getting them involved. That way her boyfriend can't say it is just you being jealous as her family will be heading the charge not you...

[boobaloo]

AADAC Alberta Alcohol and Drug Abuse Commission. They have a place to dry out and counselling etc...but everyone else is right. She has to want the help and want to clean herself up. Otherwise it's pointless. AADAC can help her find the right place if she does.

[Ford Prefect]

I don't mean to be a downer and discourage you, but please keep in mind that the prognosis for crack addicts is very, very bad. My neighbour works at the prison here in Drumheller and has had extensive dealings with crack addicts. I don't want to repeat what he's told me because it's too depressing, but when you're dealing with a crack addict you have to be prepared to face failure.

[CaramonLS]

Originally Posted by Sowa

You said she has family in Calgary. I would recommend getting them involved. That way her boyfriend can't say it is just you being jealous as her family will be heading the charge not you...

I'd be very careful with that because that can be seen as a huge betrayal of trust to get them involved... at least right now. She has to be willing to tell her parents, or agree to let you tell them, unless the situation gets a little more dire.

One of my best friends ended up having a big cocaine problem for a while, he ended up beating it. He's been clean for a couple of years now. But the key was it was mostly on his iniative. You have to be supportive, understanding and still treat them like a human being, not a junkie, but it wont work unless they want it to work.

[Save Us Sutter]

Sowa: The family I mentioned is her aunt, brother and some cousins all of whom are battling addiction problems of their own. Her Dad lives in Texas and her Mom died when she was 13 due to drinking and driving. So as you can probably start to see the problem goes way beyond just her. She has been living with drugs and alocohol probably since she can remember.

Vulcan: Yeah a new girl would be great for me. Any suggestions on where to find one! haha

She has asked me for help so I am going to take her down to the AADAC this week sometime and get her started. After that I think I should leave her be to deal with it unless she specifically asks me to do something else. I have my own life to live as well.

Thanks again everyone for your advice and suggestions. It is good to know there are people out there who support me, even if it is random message board posters!

[SarichFan]

I know someone who has a problem with crack, this person is going into a program very soon.

It's key, not to loan them money, they need to struggle a bit to realize they've done something wrong because they don't think they have done any wrong.

It's 100% up to them if they want to change their life, their attitude on life has to change immedietly.

You can help them with information to get into a center, tell them to stay away from fellow users, and that's pretty much all you can do.

AADAC can be a good first step. You should feel ZERO responsiblity for your friends situation nor should you upset your own life to help someone what doesn't want it.

Me personally? I am hoping my friend suprises me after going through this program, if not? There's not much you can do for them.

But I can't stress enough.. do not be her Mark, Crack addicts are extremely shifty and smart and will do whatever it takes to get more. They have to save themselves if they want to continue existing on this planet.

DO NOT HELP HER FINANCIALLY, otherwise it'll never stop... they need to hit rock bottom. You have to be firm