I've been away from CP for 3 months now, "Playing in Europe" -- at least that's what the Mods decided to list beside my name when I requested a self-imposed bannination for 3 months to kick the addiction. I doubt anyone cares much, but I just wanted to write down a few things about my summer that I wish I could have mentioned when they happened...but I was banninated all summer. I'm not sure what the purpose is of writing this, but I just need to get it out.
June 27 -- Bannination requested for 3 months.
July 17 -- My fiancee's birthday; 11 days until our scheduled marriage, which had been in planning for 14 months
July 18 -- Phone call at 06:30 AM from my parents. Missed the call, but got immediately scared...assuming that my 90-year-old grandmother or my 16-year-old dog had died. Phoned back and heard the worst news of my life...and I'm starting to tear up right now re-living the moment.
Dad: "Your brother Glenn had an accident canoeing last night... and ... he didn't make it."
Me: "No..."
Oldest brother...aged 34...drowned. There are no words to describe what it's been like. One of my first reactions after the shock started to subside was to post something on CP just to get it out...stupid bannination.
July 18 -- Visited the morgue at 14:00 with my dad and another brother to identify the body. After that, I was finally able to admit to myself that it was really happening, but the disbelief still comes and goes occasionally.
July 20 -- Now-oldest brother called to the Bar
July 27 -- Resigned from job I've hated for a long time.
July 28 -- Married the love of my life. Incredibly hard decision whether to go ahead or postpone. Thought Glenn would have been ticked off if we'd screwed up our plans on his account, and that made our decision for us. Was a good event, but it'll always have a bit of a cloud over the memories. Unfortunately, I don't think there was any way to avoid that, even if we'd delayed.
August 1 -- New cousin born...first of the "next generation."
August 2 -- Pop's 65th b'day. Nobody cares.
September 6 -- Memorial for Glenn. Attended by about 200 people. I felt compelled to say something to everyone when I had an interested audience, and my family let me MC the event and deliver what could only be called a eulogy. Incredible responsibility, but I'm so glad they let me have the opportunity! TBQH, it was probably the easiest public speaking that I've ever done.
September 16 -- Paternal grandmother dies (not the 90-year-old). Long-expected.
September 27 -- Bannination ends. I spill my guts out to a bunch of people I don't even know.
So that, amigos, is the summer that was. Two deaths, a wedding, a bar call, and a new birth. Up until July 17, I and my family had always lived a charmed life, and felt pretty immune from anything awful. We've now had a hell of a change in perspective, and learned a lot in the process. My lessons in particular:
- Mend fences; Nothing could be worse than having someone die with outstanding regrets. I'm lucky in that I didn't have any with Glenn.
- CP is not just an addiction, but it's a bunch of friends I've never met.
- Don't sacrifice today's happiness for some undefined future good. Being miserable at work, for example, isn't worth it when you could be gone tomorrow.
- Life goes on.
That's all. I don't really care if anyone reads this or comments...I just wanted to write down a few thoughts in a public place, and this was the one and only place I wanted to do that. It's good to be back.
My summer in Europe *[Downer warning]*
