Seeing vs dating

[FlamingInfinity]

Just wanted to hear CP's two cents on my situation.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years in October. Things were what I thought, one sided on her end. Lots of take, little give from my POV. I needed time away to find me again.

Fast forward to middle of December, talking a bit with the ex, and slowly working on things. She discovers that I was talking with this girl from back home in Alberta.

Now I'm playing the field a bit and 'the ex' thinks I can't work on things with her while also seeing other women. I can see her point to an extent, but I also believe that unless I clarify to her, that her and I are dating, that there is no real 'together' and I can see women freely.

Basically I'm asking whether it's one person at one time, or looking at your options with however many people you'd like?

[arloiginla]

Just get rid of her already.

[scotty2hotty]

I think you're dreaming if you think you can date other girls while also working on things with your ex. Even if she says it's ok ... it's not.

If you really think you want to get back with her, then do it. Give it a month or two of honest effort then make a decision.

If you think you want to date other girls, then do that and don't see your ex at all. What if you meet a new girl you like and she finds out you're still seeing your ex? Then you blew it with this new one and you're screwed from both ends (no pun intended).

[FlamingInfinity]

What I think of the situation is that its basically starting with two new girls, you go and see how it is with one, and with the other. If it doesn't work out with one, or both, than so be it. I'm taking the history out of the equation.

[mikey_the_redneck]

seeing=banging

dating=you paying for dinner then banging

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by FlamingInfinity

What I think of the situation is that its basically starting with two new girls, you go and see how it is with one, and with the other. If it doesn't work out with one, or both, than so be it. I'm taking the history out of the equation.

A mature woman won't mind if you are dating other women. As long as you are honest and not spreading STD's around it should be no biggy. You should only allow a girl to monopolize your time if she proves her worth.

[ricoFlame]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

A mature woman won't mind if you are dating other women. As long as you are honest and not spreading STD's around it should be no biggy.

you know women so well.

[T@T]

Contrary to belief there is such a thing as being too honest. And ask yourself if it's ok with you if your ex is "seeing" someone else?

If the answer is yes then you probably shouldn't be with her.

[T@T]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

A mature woman won't mind if you are dating other women. As long as you are honest and not spreading STD's around it should be no biggy. You should only allow a girl to monopolize your time if she proves her worth.

What?

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by FlamingInfinity

Just wanted to hear CP's two cents on my situation.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years in October. Things were what I thought, one sided on her end. Lots of take, little give from my POV. I needed time away to find me again.

Fast forward to middle of December, talking a bit with the ex, and slowly working on things. She discovers that I was talking with this girl from back home in Alberta.

Now I'm playing the field a bit and 'the ex' thinks I can't work on things with her while also seeing other women. I can see her point to an extent, but I also believe that unless I clarify to her, that her and I are dating, that there is no real 'together' and I can see women freely.

Basically I'm asking whether it's one person at one time, or looking at your options with however many people you'd like?

She sounds like a insecure control nut, even though you're not getting any benefits from her and you're not in a relationship with her she wants to control you.

Tell her to hit the bricks and find another patsy. Do what you want to do.

If you're not in a relationship with her, and you're "Working on things" she has no right to lay down terms.

I guess as an add on question for clarification, are you getting any benefits of this working on thing, is she giving you the sunday night movie hummer, wearing her best lingerie when you pound her? If not, then you're working on nothing, your negotiating a surrender. I shall now call you France from now on.

[REDVAN]

My answer is try to date them both without them finding out about it. It takes a little bit of skill and cunning, but you're a grown man so do it.

I say this because I am currently in the same situation- trying to decide if "working on things" with my ex is worth it, or should I just forget about her and cut my losses.

My friends have told me: make sure you are getting something out of seeing her. Whether it be sex, emotional fulfilment, money, etc. Just make sure it's not harming you or bringing you down. Right now, for me, it's bring me down. I want things to work out with her, but I have my back up plans in full effect.

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by FlamingInfinity

What I think of the situation is that its basically starting with two new girls, you go and see how it is with one, and with the other. If it doesn't work out with one, or both, than so be it. I'm taking the history out of the equation.

and ex cannot be like a new girl

women have loooooooong memories.

[Winsor_Pilates]

Keep dating both.
Even if you end up back with her, this is the best way to go. You need her to see she's not your only option and appreciate it when you choose to take her back.
If you just give in and go back to her, you're right back to your one sided relationship.

[jammies]

Ask her if she's willing to meet this other girl and menage your trois. If she says sure, do it, then dump her and give me her number.

[Travis Munroe]

tell her things need to be taken VERY slowly and you do not want to jump right back where you left off. In the mean time I think you can still see other girls (obviously not date). by seeing other girls you will realize if the ex is the one for you.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by T@T

What?

*Unless you agreed to be exclusive of course.....

[Muta]

If you're not serious with your ex, you should be dating as many people as possible.

I hate this small-minded mentality that you can't 'see' different people at the same time. That's what dating is all about; I hate this forced rule of being relegated to one person even when it's not that serious.

My advice to the OP - buck the trend, and date as many women as possible. Once you're ready to commit to one, then you do what you gotta do. Until that point, go out and have fun. People rarely 'date' anymore, so be one of the first to bring it back. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

[peter12]

I guess mikey has a unique relationship with his cousins.

[HPLovecraft]

Is this the '60s again?

My advice is to NOT go out and date as many different women as possible at the same time. When the time comes that you actually like one enough to go "steady" with her (is this the '60s AND an Archie comic?) have fun telling her that the entire time you were seeing her you were also banging several other girls at the same time. You're either in a relationship, or being friends and not in one in my point of view.

[AFireInside]

Originally Posted by Realtor 1

tell her things need to be taken VERY slowly and you do not want to jump right back where you left off. In the mean time I think you can still see other girls (obviously not date). by seeing other girls you will realize if the ex is the one for you.

Since you already thanked Realtor 1 for his response you clearly know what you want to do already, so do it. This also likely means you don't really want your ex back.

You don't need to come here and get approval, you think it's ok to date another girl while working on things, fair enough. If you don't care that your ex may be "seeing other guys" while working on things, as suggested above you probably don't really want to be with her anyways.

For the record I'm not saying Realtor 1's answer is wrong or anything, I think it depends on the people and how serious "working it out" actually is..