But they're Smart! S-M-R-T!!

[Frank the Tank]

Inspired by a side-track in another thread, I thought of this funny story.

I was going through the self checkout thingy at Loblaws a couple weeks ago when a woman just plain didn't get it. She kept lifting the bags off the weight-sensor thing after you scan them, thus freezing the system, causing the Loblaws lady to have to come over and reset the station. Then, on cue, she would do the EXACT SAME THING AGAIN!! This happened three times.

And when I say "woman", I mean my wife.

The thing I cannot grasp is that my wife is smart. Very smart. The self-scan station is a fairly easy concept to master, I would think. I kept explaining how it worked, and she kept taking the bags off. It ended when I yelled "are you high or something! Leave the effing bags on the pad!" I met her in the car and we drove home in silence.

What funny stories do you guys/girls have?

[fredr123]

My wife (girlfriend at the time) and I were sitting on a bench outside the theatre at the Park Place Mall in beautiful Lethbridge, Alberta. A couple of Brinks messengers walked down the hallway carrying guns and a large bag of money. They proceeded to open up an ATM and load it full of the cash they carried.

We watch the scene unfold for a minute or so then my wife, in all seriousness, turns to me and says: "They have to put money in those?"

[JiriHrdina]

I was at a company part at a guy's house a few years back. I was out on the deck with one of my co-workers and another young lady who was an Account Executive with the agency. Now she was very good at her job - really good client relations skills and great at organization. But she wasn't the sharpest tack.

Anyhoo we're just hanging out and yakkin' about the usual stuff. When suddenly she turns to us out of the blue and asks

"Do you guys believe in UFOs and dinosaurs and stuff?"

Now how do you answer that?

[Iowa_Flames_Fan]

You guys are so dead when your wives read this thread.

[ken0042]

Ex-girlfriend and I were driving from Winnipeg to Grand Forks, ND. We had just crossed the US border; and hadn't even gotten back to highway speed when a bunch of birds flew in front of the car. There was a THUNK as I happened to hit one of them. She said to me "Stupid American birds."

I asked her "How do you know those weren't Canadian birds?"

Her reply "Because were in the US now. Birds don't fly across the border."



And yes, she was being serious.

[Eastern Girl]

I was watching tv with one of my buddies and this shampoo commercial came on, the one that had a reporter presenting a story on how great this shampoo was and how happy women were who were using it. My friend turned to me and said "I can't believe they would actually lead with this story when there are so many other things going on in the world." I laughed thinking he was kidding around. He wasn't. I had to explain that it was a commercial and not the real news.

[Looger]

a friend of mine told his wife that when the cows were all pointed north that it was going to rain.

he caught her telling this to people at a party!

in her defense she's a city girl, spent a lot of time in germany probably nowhere near a cattle ranch...

but otherwise a very smart girl, smart enough to divorce him anyway.

[fanforever1986]

I was at a football game with a girlfriend of the time a couple years ago...She turned to me at a point during the game and said

"How many Quarters are there in a football game...Three right?"

No, no there's in fact four quarters...here, go buy a hot dog.

PS Best thread of 2007 thus far.

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by fotze

My wife cannot get it that the word scissors is for aone pair of scissors. She asks for a scissor. Pass me that scissor. Also she asks for the wheelbarrel instead of the wheelbarrow. English isn't her first language, thoughy, so its alright.

How do I put this story delicately, my first serious girlfriend in high school figured that if "it" didn't "go off" in the first 20 seconds it wasn't going to, so she'd stop. So after many frustrastting adventures I finally had to ask her what was up? She never knew it would take "so long".

should have told her to keep going for about 5 more seconds

[Slava]

My wife was driving along and heard a "weird noise from the car". She was going to stop at one store, but "didn't really like it" so she turns around and drives for another little while to another store.

For some reason she pops the hood here. (She hasn't got the slightest clue of what to look for, so god knows why). Anyway, shes bent over looking around and a guy calls over "Lady...you've got a flat tire!".

Perhaps needless to say, she got back in and drove home on the rim...

[Looger]

now now - a thread with women being SMRT AND as it relates to cars needs another thread entirely!

women and cars - wow.

wow.

[Burninator]

In a psychology lecture the professor had a projector hooked up to a computer that she used to teach the class. One day she tried to cover something that was projecting onto the white board by putting her hands on the white board. All this did was put the projection onto the back of her hands. So next she picks up a piece of paper and puts that onto the white board, only to have the same effect. Then she says "I need something that blocks light."

[Looger]

i was living with a couple girls in prince george that kept messing with the thermostat all winter, one of them's egyptian and i swear she ws trying to re-create the desert upstairs.

so me and the other guy i lived with (downstairs was OURS) made the upstairs thermostat a dummy one, and they would mess with it all night saying, 'ah feels better'!

the placebo-stat. i should market them.

[return to the red]

I was dating this girl when I was about 19 and we were fooling around one night. She decides to get umm "up close and personal" with my lower extremeties.

As any guy would i'm thinking hey great until I felt a warm breeze. She was literally (just for Hulk) blowing me. When I asked her what the hell she was doing she said "isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

[fredr123]

Originally Posted by Looger

i was living with a couple girls in prince george that kept messing with the thermostat all winter, one of them's egyptian and i swear she ws trying to re-create the desert upstairs.

so me and the other guy i lived with (downstairs was OURS) made the upstairs thermostat a dummy one, and they would mess with it all night saying, 'ah feels better'!

the placebo-stat. i should market them.

I need one of those for the jerks upstairs...

[Slava]

Originally Posted by return to the red

I was dating this girl when I was about 19 and we were fooling around one night. She decides to get umm "up close and personal" with my lower extremeties.

As any guy would i'm thinking hey great until I felt a warm breeze. She was literally (just for Hulk) blowing me. When I asked her what the hell she was doing she said "isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

One can only hope that you returned the favour?

[Frank the Tank]

Oh another one for me I just remembered! We were on our way to buy winter tires and I asked my wife if she wanted to spend the extra money and buy winter rims as well. My reasoning being that I could change the tires at home, avoiding having to wait and pay someone else to do a relatively simple job. She got kind of snotty, stating we didn't NEED new rims, just change the tires at home. So I keep talking to her, but I'm talking to her assuming she knows how tires get on rims, so I am coming across as REALLY condescending, but not meaning to, because I am assuming she knows how tires get on rims. You know, with the big machine at the mechanics! Argh! So frustrating!!

[Spuds_Buckley]

I was sitting in a bar once, and this young girl (I'm guessing she was barely 21) was trying to convince me that the U.S.A does not produce any greenhouse gases... and that China and India were solely to blame for global warming (and no she wasn't even drunk).

[TheyCallMeBruce]

A friend's sister and I had a conversation once that made me cry blood. Sometimes I think our schools have failed us.

We were talking about WW2, when she decides to chime in

Me: It was definitely interesting reading about churchill
Her: Who's that? Wait, he's that guy in star wars right?
Me: What?
Her: That black guy
Me: You mean Samuel L Jackson??
Her: Yeah!
Me: Uh...Winston churchill was the prime minister of England during WW2
Her: really? I got those 2 mixed up all the time. Blah, whatever then.

Yes, I see that a tall black young man in star wars and a short white old man in WW2 are easily mistaken for each other.

[anyonebutedmonton]

It took my girlfriend like 15 games before she asked what offside was... She then responded "oh thats why they blow the whistle whenever they go over the blue line"..