Obligatory, Modestly Clean, Lame Joke Thread
Time for another modestly clean, lame joke thread . . . . (remember this is a public site with advertisers and, therefore, keep it fairly clean.)
Some things on the e-mail this morning:
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual,"
replied the doc.
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly " I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's
have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
15. I went to a seafood restaurant last week.... and pulled a mussel.
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? ... A fsh
17. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says "Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger."
18. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.
19. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never
amounted to much. Naturally he became known as the lesser of two weevils.
20. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
21. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
22. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
23. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess
tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
24. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal". The other is sent to a Spanish
family and is named "Juan". Years later, Juan ! sends his birth mother a picture of himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband replies, "They're twins for Pete sake! If you've seen Juan, you've see Ahmal!"
Cowperson
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Dear Lord, help me to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am. - Anonymous
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