Public Break up - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Mike Oxlong · 11-23-2005, 01:23 PM

I just got this email....apparently this guy sent it out to all his contacts to embarass this chick even further. Talk about Sweet Revenge.

Some colorful language in this. Reader beware!

>Apparently going around Calgary at the moment. 1st is a girl's apology
>email for cheating. 2nd is his reply which was Bcc'd to
>his entire address book. He makes some excellent points.
>
>
>Brad,
>
>It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
>feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I
>am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the
>people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person
>that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all
>or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all
>of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing.
>I can handle you
>being ****ed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the
>ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is
>thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel
>like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world
>looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there
>are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't
>know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you
>didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping
>that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally
>crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in
>my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange
>and weird to say that, and you could say that my behaviour didn't
>reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate
>me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible
>person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to
>take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting
>with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It
>was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I
>would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.
>I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you
>won't. If not today, then maybe some other time.
>Also, thanks for
>getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at
>your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be
>great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel
>like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it
>was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I
>really don't think I can handle that.
>I am so sorry.
>Elizabeth
>
>RESPONSE:
>
>Dear Elizabeth,
>
>Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L"
>for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less
>about".
>You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
>to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load
>of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for
>45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long
>because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid
>thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
>To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
>degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
>span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't ######
>him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care
>less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday.
>Since your world
>revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly
>Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to
>consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news
>for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they
>just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who
>commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector.
>I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who
>comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing
>someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of
>anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's
>new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room.
>The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into
>the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last
>saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it
>happened.
>By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
>you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs
>you do.
>Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
>watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
>PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.
>
>Talk to you never,
>Brad

kermitology · 11-23-2005, 01:29 PM

Huha.. sweet! As someone who's had an ex cheat on them (multiple times) I love that!

CaramonLS · 11-23-2005, 01:33 PM

I've personally never had a girl cheat on me (and never cheated on them), but this sort of stuff is something that is nice to see.

Absolutely pathetic when people cheat. They deserve to have their name dragged through the mud (and no, being too drunk isn't a valid excuse).

Bobblehead · 11-23-2005, 01:34 PM

He really should have let her known how he feels.

Incogneto · 11-23-2005, 01:35 PM

That is hilarious! I love it.

Wookie · 11-23-2005, 01:37 PM

Oh wow, I hope that was real and not just some made up email for fwd:'s sake.

Funny, when I was reading the chick's email I was thinking of what it could be that she did, and his response just confirmed what I was thinking. Some people are brutal.

Bobblehead · 11-23-2005, 01:37 PM

If you google "blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly" you get a few hundred hits, so this has been making the rounds.

Funny thing is the Sponsored Link at the top of the page:

Quote:

B-Air dryers answer all the needs for the pets industry.

Frank the Tank · 11-23-2005, 01:38 PM

That is truly glorious. Well played sir, well played indded!

4X4 · 11-23-2005, 01:41 PM

The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into
>the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last
>saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it
>happened.

Hahahaha

So very, very true...

Eastern Girl · 11-23-2005, 01:44 PM

I liked her letter. She goes on and on about how she feels bad and the world looks different to her, but she still has the strength to ask if he has seen her sunglasses. What a girl!

I have been cheated on so I can appreciate what it feels like, good for him for doing this. It was a very well written letter.

return to the red · 11-23-2005, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike Oxlong

>You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
>to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load
>of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for
>45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long
>because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid
>thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

those are absolutley priceless examples of "stupid things"

Cowperson · 11-23-2005, 01:59 PM

I must say . . . . they write very well.

Cowperson

Engine09 · 11-23-2005, 02:09 PM

These "emails" have been making the rounds for a while now, much funnier the first time I read it.

Sounds like some guy pecked this out on his own months after getting cheated on and finally figured out what he should have said.

Wolfwood · 11-23-2005, 02:10 PM

That was great. I wonder if it is real...

Hakan · 11-23-2005, 02:15 PM

A little too vitriolic for me. Can't ignore the harmful gendered stereotypes. Otherwise, it was pretty funny.

Rutuu · 11-23-2005, 02:27 PM

Pfff...Sending out an email is funny, but does it really hurt?

After this girl cheated on this guy at Churchill he took the nekkid pics he had of her and photocopied/distributed them everywhere even her Church! Haha...

Now that's real revenge...sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Mike F · 11-23-2005, 02:29 PM

What's so bad about a girl who likes golden retrievers and puts out easy?

Eddie Bronze · 11-23-2005, 02:34 PM

Oh ****! Elizabeth?

Mango · 11-23-2005, 02:42 PM

Harsh - I don't really like laughing at the pain of others...and we'll leave it at that.

Reminds me of the email about a couple at their wedding recpetion. The groom found out the bride had slept with his best man and during this toast/speech, told everyone to look under their chairs and there would be a photo of the two going at it.

Mike Oxlong · 11-23-2005, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mango

Harsh - I don't really like laughing at the pain of others...and we'll leave it at that.

Reminds me of the email about a couple at their wedding recpetion. The groom found out the bride had slept with his best man and during this toast/speech, told everyone to look under their chairs and there would be a photo of the two going at it.

I heard that wedding story as well. I always wondered if it was urban legend or not.

Now that would be a burn. Could you imagine being the Father of the Bride and looking under your chair to find a picture of your Daughter doing the no pants dance with the best man?

That is SWEET revenge.