I think it is certainly respectable labour up until kids are in full-time school...say once your youngest starts grade one.
Once kids are in grade one and above, I don't get what a stay-at-home parent is doing all day? Make-work projects? If you're organized looking after a home is barely an hour-a-day job responsibility. It's certainly not a job in the way actually going to work is a job. I mean, I can't help but notice a homemaker's "job" is the same job I have when I'm on vacation. I also can't help but notice everything around my house (cooking, cleaning, maintenance, upkeep, etc.) is being done by two parents who also have actual jobs demanding 40-55 hours per week.
I have a really hard time relating to stay-at-home parents because I guess I just don't think they work as hard as literally anybody else. They're an adult dependent and barring any physical or mental illness, it seems like their relationships with their spouses are parasitic. Is it any of my business? Not really, but it's interesting to observe.
I also did some reading on how most feel underappreciated. I read the articles and I'm thinking, you're not underappreciated; you're appropriately appreciated. Sorry what you do doesn't merit that much appreciation.
Also, what do they do when the kids move out or when the husband retires? I remember when my uncle retired and my aunt - who was a homemaker her entire life - complained that she didn't get to retire, too. BTW, they didn't have kids. Her job was to cook and clean (they had a cleaner - another thing I notice as common with stay-at-home people of a certain socio-economic bracket and above). How could I have sympathy for her? You still have to cook? Okay, well you didn't earn anything more. My uncle worked 50 hours per week for 35 years. You watched Ellen.
Say you are a homemaker, what do you do about gifts for your spouse? Hey here's a thing I bought you with your money. What does the receiving partner say? There's no way "thank you" is appropriate. Do they have to say "thank me"?
There are going to be exceptions for sure. I'm talking in generalities here.
This scene in Curb Your Enthusiasm always resonated with me:
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I won't touch this one with a ten foot broom handle, but the reaction of Stu when his wife said, "It's our money, right?" is just priceless.
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From HFBoard oiler fan, in analyzing MacT's management:
O.K. there has been a lot of talk on whether or not MacTavish has actually done a good job for us, most fans on this board are very basic in their analysis and I feel would change their opinion entirely if the team was successful.
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Definitely not a “politically correct” subject…. Yet… for those that work full time and have someone at home it’s definitely crossed most of our minds. I also struggle with this… especially when the stay at home person clearly does not “work” as many hours nor have close to the same level of stress, often different levels of sleep, often not the same level of health or longevity, and has time for hobbies, coffees and walks, etc. Having been doing a lot of WFH the last ~18months the disparity is even more obvious.
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Not when the children are old enough to be in school all day.
Right, so you could argue is it is a job until that point, and then probably wouldn't be considered one after. But I guess you could also argue it depends on the split.
If a person is a "homemaker" and they do all the chores, all the cooking, and take care of the children (if they're in school, that'd be handling bed and bath and all that and making lunches after etc) then it seems like it could be equivalent to a job.
I do think some of it is the stay at home person trying to validate their contribution to the family, though. Which is not a terrible thing. This isn't something I would argue with people like that.
My wife has stayed home since being pregnant with our first. We now have two in elementary school and two at home & part-time daycare through the week.
I suppose every family is different, and ours is atypically large, but I sure-as-#### wouldn't trade places with her. Pick ups, drop offs, play dates, activities and the organizing of all that is genuinely a lot of work.
I would also think it largely depends on the mom's preferences and aspirations. My wife LOVES being a mom... He job before was not a meaningful or particularly fulfilling career where she was living out her life's ambition, so focussing on the betterment of her (our) children seems like a far better use of her time. As long as she enjoys being a stay at home mom, I don't really care if we label it as a job or not.
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All I can say is that when things slowed for me at work because of Covid I took over the home duties completely for a long time. My kids are in Junior High and Senior High. I have never been so busy in my life. It is worse than a job.
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All I can say is that when things slowed for me at work because of Covid I took over the home duties completely for a long time. My kids are in Junior High and Senior High. I have never been so busy in my life. It is worse than a job.
Have you taught your kids to clean up after themselves and make their own lunches? My middle schooler and high schooler are net assets to the running of the house; not net negatives. They'll help with meals and all the other chores. They know how to cook and bake. They mow the lawn.
Were you still working a bit during Covid (you said slowed down)? A homemaker doesn't have the additional responsibility of an actual job, so perhaps you were doing two jobs.
Also, I have noticed some homemakers don't teach their kids how to be adults. Ours pitch in. Ours do their laundry (folding, putting away). They help me change tires over for winter. They help me winterize the trailer. Basically, I have 18 years with them to teach them everything I know. I don't get how 14-16 years in they're still a lot of work for you. Were you not teaching them how to do things all along the way?
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Homemaker isn't hard work IMO, it is a lot of work. Kids require a lot of attention before they start school and that can be very exhausting.
But it's not exactly the same stress level that the working parent typically has. Sales are down YOY due to the pandemic, you are faced with firing someone (or being fired), the company is doing a restructure, your boss is an #######, etc etc etc. I think sometimes its hard for the stay at home parent to relate because the only deadlines they face is to get the kids to their doctor appointment on time. Everything else is pretty fluid.
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I'm basically a single dad of a 13 yo and 15 yo boys. I work from home in a pretty flexible job, and have house cleaners once a week. I do all the other stuff. Some of it I do well, some I suck at! I work from home with a fair amount of flexibility, so I can do most of everything.
I wouldn't consider it a full time job, but a couple kids (and a couple dogs) are a handful. COVID has made it more crazy. Even now that they are back at school, we have a severe bus shortage. So I have to drive them and pick them up at 2 different schools. There seem to be an appointment every week or two at orthodontist, dentist or fixing a broken body part. Evenings used to be packed with driving to soccer and baseball practice on different sides of town every night. (Now they've both switched to golf which makes my improves my quality of life by about 500%) Keeping up with all the family bills for drs, dentists, orthodontists, urgent care, and ers is all a part time job at times! Keeping them somewhat straight in school is a fair amount of work as well.
I wouldn't ever expect credit for it or want to call it a job, it is just managing life. It would be very tough to do if I had a less flexible job where I had to be in an office 9 to 5.
As a Dad with full custody, though, I do have to say I get irrationally angry every time a teacher or school admin assumes that the Mom is the first call for any issue.
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A position with an employer for which a person is compensated with pay and subject to any number of legal guidelines for employment? No absolutely not.
Is it work because it requires effort on a regular basis, requires a person to devote a significant amount of time and requires a broad skill set to complete? Sure.
If I owned a hobby farm from which I derived no income and had to look after the animals everyday, feed them, clean the barn, shovel their #### and keep the landscaping looking good it would meet the same definition of a job.
Do you consider "homemaker" to be a job?
