Windbag to Chicago
The Chicago Blackhawks have acquired noted windbag Brad Marchand from the Detroit Red Wings in a deal that was struck in the late hours of Thursday evening. In exchange for the 5'10" dirtbag, the Red Wings receive a 2016 1st round pick (Chicago) and equally height impaired 5'9" Seth Griffith who was acquired as a free agent last off-season.
Detroit is rumoured to be very happy to rid the team of the tiny jerk and will likely rattle off a significant win streak, while the cancer has now spread to Chicago where whispers of playoffs will soon be muted.
Despite public demonstrations at both O'Hare and Midway airports in attempts to prevent Marchand's plane from landing, the little puke has reportedly snuck into town. Marchand has a short window to overturn the overwhelmingly negative public outcry over the transaction before he is likely to tossed off the Willis tower.
The public relations department for the Chicago Blackhawks has requested that due to being inundated with hate mail, that future correspondence be forwarded to the home address of GM Tilley at 1060 W Addison St., Chicago IL, 60613 or call 888-328-7448 (888-EAT-#####).
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