Moving the girlfriend in ...

[skudr248]

So.. the girlfriends moving in.

I am already settled on the fact I am going to marry this woman. We essentially already live together... I am always at hers and she is mostly at mine already here in Vancouver.

What I am asking for is what I can do to make her happy during this process. What would you do

More of a fun game, lets hear it.

[Looch City]

Can you cook?

[peter12]

Communicate.

[Flames0910]

Try cleaning ya filthy animal.

[btimbit]

Move out. Don't do it. Save yourself

(I'm divorced, don't take my relationship advice)

[afc wimbledon]

I'm with btimbit.....run you fool

[Wormius]

Take all of your stuff on the bathroom counter and cram it all into the corner. Continue doing this with all of your possessions.

[iggy_oi]

Originally Posted by btimbit

move out. Don't do it. Save yourself

(i'm divorced, don't take my relationship advice)

ftfy

[Manhattanboy]

Don’t do it Len!

[indes]

Prenub.

[puckhog]

I think the biggest thing to keep in mind is that it will no longer be your space alone, but yours jointly, which is a deceptively big adjustment. You might spend all of your time at each other's places right now, but figuring out how to merge your separate spaces is a challenge.

It sounds like the plan is for her to move into your place. Without knowing your situation with respect to leases, ownership, etc., I'd suggest considering looking for a new place together, if possible. From my own experience and watching friends go through the process of moving in with their SOs, the simple fact that it is "your" space can be a huge source of friction. If she's looking for a place to put some stuff for her hobby, you might feel like you're giving up your previous set-up and, on the flip side, she might feel like she's being shoe-horned into your space. Just by fluke, when my wife and I decided to move in together, we had to look for a new place, so we were both getting established there together, which reduced (but didn't eliminate) those issues.

If that's not possible, try to keep it in mind during the process. Make compromises in fitting in things she brings (furniture, etc.) and consider looking for things you can buy jointly (maybe your bed or couch is due for replacement). But, also stand your ground where something is actually important to you.

[troutman]

Cohabitation Agreement.

[GordonBlue]

Originally Posted by skudr248

So.. the girlfriends moving in.

I am already settled on the fact I am going to marry this woman. We essentially already live together... I am always at hers and she is mostly at mine already here in Vancouver.

What I am asking for is what I can do to make her happy during this process. What would you do

More of a fun game, lets hear it.

not fun. but if she "hints" that you should get rid of something, just do it.

I also recommend getting a new place.
she's never going to feel completely at home as a part of her will feel like she's in your place and it's not "ours"

[Cheese]

Whats yours is yours and whats hers is yours too! Easy!

[Insufficient Funds]

I agree with the moving into a new space together if it's feasible, but it doesn't sound like time would allow for that especially in Vancouver.

Like Peter said, communicate. More is better, less is worse.

Make space for her. Like clean out entire drawers in the bathroom/bedroom, entire walls of closet space. Not just cramming your crap to one side. This would make anyone feel more welcome and show that you've put some thought (they love this crap) into the two of you joining homes. Women also love when you clearly have put time into your thought or actions.

The other thing would be clean as much as you can before she actually moves in. Nobody like moving into a messy or dirty place. You're already stressed enough with the moving, don't add a layer of "####, I have to clean that as soon as we're done with the boxes".

Good luck.

[Huntingwhale]

Learn to smile and nod, even if you want to argue your point. Sometimes it's better to just take your lumps and accept what she is saying, even if in your heart you know you are right.

[calf]

Try building some Ikea furniture together. If you can make it through that, you can make it through anything.

[MrCallahan]

Originally Posted by puckhog

I think the biggest thing to keep in mind is that it will no longer be your space alone, but yours jointly, which is a deceptively big adjustment. You might spend all of your time at each other's places right now, but figuring out how to merge your separate spaces is a challenge.

It sounds like the plan is for her to move into your place. Without knowing your situation with respect to leases, ownership, etc., I'd suggest considering looking for a new place together, if possible. From my own experience and watching friends go through the process of moving in with their SOs, the simple fact that it is "your" space can be a huge source of friction. If she's looking for a place to put some stuff for her hobby, you might feel like you're giving up your previous set-up and, on the flip side, she might feel like she's being shoe-horned into your space. Just by fluke, when my wife and I decided to move in together, we had to look for a new place, so we were both getting established there together, which reduced (but didn't eliminate) those issues.

If that's not possible, try to keep it in mind during the process. Make compromises in fitting in things she brings (furniture, etc.) and consider looking for things you can buy jointly (maybe your bed or couch is due for replacement). But, also stand your ground where something is actually important to you.

Piggybacking off this one, as I agree with it.

For her to feel comfortable, it can no longer be your place anymore. It's a place you live in together now.

That includes having each others spaces, places to put things, etc.

If you're not moving into a new place together, maybe look at re-organizing the place together. Does she have artwork? take everything off the walls, and start mixing in both of your stuff. She have some better furniture than you? swap it out! make closet/dresser space, etc. Do everything you can to make sure if feels like a place you can both call home.

[Benched]

It also will feel like your place, not hers, until you get some/a lot of stuff of hers in there or do some joint purchases. Beyond clothes and toiletries, things like pictures, dishes, furniture etc. Even layout and organization of where things are.

Don’t discount how much this can be on someone’s mind. It changes the outlook on a lot of things, from ‘ours’ like you want, to ‘his and mine’; distinction and separate.

Just try and keep that in mind while you try to build a home with her, that you may need to get rid of or shake up your space/stuff a lot more than originally anticipated.


Edit: wow. Above posters in same mindset.

[CaptainCrunch]

Set up a man room, there are going to be times, when you just can't be in the same room together, its sad but true.



For maximum effect make sure its defended by a crew served water cooled 50 caliber machine gun.