5 gmail invitations - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Jiggy_12 · 08-26-2004, 08:35 PM

For those of you who missed out on AnthonyCook's giveaway earlier this week, i have 5 gmail invites to give out. However, it won't be as easy as before

Everyone who wants an invite must submit a joke in with their post. The 5 jokes that make me laugh the most get the invites. Once I get 10 jokes I will pick the 5 best from that group. However, if I have heard the joke, or if it is too long then I will disqualify it (More than 5 paragraphs I will consider too long) So give me something unique and original that you don't think I will have heard, and I will give you the coveted gmail invite B)

Good luck and have fun!

Cowboy · 08-26-2004, 08:37 PM

What do you call a person with a ham on their head

Hamed

What do you cal a person with two hams on their head

Mohammed

stuckinchuck · 08-26-2004, 08:58 PM

A girl walks into the bar and sits next to a guy drinking. The guy goes, you know, if you drink this stuff, it'll make you fly. The girl says, you're full of it. So the man proceeds to jump out the window and flies around the building. Fully convinced, the lady tells the bartender "i'll have what he's having". The bartender gives her the drink, and she proceeds to drink it. She then jumps out the window to her death. The bartender goes "you know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk Superman".

Nabber · 08-26-2004, 09:01 PM

What type of food does a gay horse eat?

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Cowperson · 08-26-2004, 09:09 PM

The only joke I know:

What's the similarity between toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise?

The both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

By the way, who is Anthony Cook and what is a gmail?

Cowperson

Deelow · 08-26-2004, 09:14 PM

Anothony Cook is Crazy Joe I think
and G-Mail is Google's new email service. Allows you to have a gig of staroge space I hear..and apparently it's by invite only.

AC · 08-26-2004, 09:21 PM

Yep... I was once CrazyJoe...

LeftWing · 08-26-2004, 09:26 PM

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a Edmonton Oilers jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Calgary Flames jerseys aboard. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side.The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Oilers fan from the water. Then using baseball bats, the three heroes in red beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat also.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Oilers and Flames fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth." As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "Who was that?"

"It was the Pope, " one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know much about shark fishing... how's the bait holding up?"

LeftWing · 08-26-2004, 09:27 PM

Btw, I don't need an account either...

Maritime Q-Scout · 08-26-2004, 09:34 PM

I don't need another account however:

A polar bear walks into a bar, and sits down. The barkeep walks over to him and says "what'll it be?"

The bear looks up and says, "I'll have a whiskey .... .... .... .... .... on the rocks"

The bartender says, "alrighty, but why the big pause?"

the polar bear just looks at his hands and says "I dunno? They've always been that size"

Jiggy_12 · 08-26-2004, 10:04 PM

so far there have been 4 jokes from people who have entered the contest, so 6 spots left to get your joke in! By the way, Maritime Q scout, Fotze and LeftWing, those were awesome. I'll not say anything about the rest until we get 10.

calf · 08-26-2004, 10:05 PM

There's a census worker doing his rounds at census time. He arrives at one house and a middle aged woman answers the door. So he asks his usual questions.

"How many people in your house?"

She replies "Well, there's myself, my husband, and our four children".

"And what are the children's names?"

"Well, we have eenie, meenie, mynie, and George".

The man gets a perplexed look on his face and says "You know, I'm not really supposed to ask this, but I'm curious...why did you name the fourth one George?"

The woman replies "Because my husband and I didn't want any Moh"

bad, I know

edit: deleted one joke because I want to follow the rules.

Cowboy · 08-26-2004, 10:54 PM

nm

Regulator75 · 08-26-2004, 10:59 PM

When does a Camel need water the most????

When it's on FIRE!!!

(it's bad I know)

So is there really a GB of space on these Gmail accounts?

Deelow · 08-26-2004, 11:03 PM

Petr Nedved: "I want to play in Edmonton, it reminds me of home"

how does it get any funnier than that?

Jiggy_12 · 08-26-2004, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Regulator75@Aug 26 2004, 10:59 PM
When does a Camel need water the most????

When it's on FIRE!!!

(it's bad I know)

So is there really a GB of space on these Gmail accounts?

Yep, sure is

And Cowboy? 2 entries was not part of the rules! I will allow you to chose which one you wish to enter, but if anyone else does 2..i will take the 1st one. These strict rules must be abided by!

Skyceman · 08-26-2004, 11:31 PM

An Indian walks into a bar with a shotgun in one hand and a pail of cow crap in the other. He sits down and asks the bartender for a coffee. The Bartender poors him a coffee and goes back to business. After the Indian finishes his coffee he picks up the pail of sh*t, throws it in the air and shoots it as sh*t flies everywhere and the Indian walks out of the bar.

The next day the indian returns and sits down at the bar. He proceeds to order another coffee, but the Bartender refuses this time. "Look buddy we are still cleaning up your mess from your last visit. Just what the hell were you thinking?" The Indian replies "Me train for management position. " The bartender says "What do you mean?" The Indian replies "Come in, have coffee, shoot sh*t, leave mess for everyone else to clean up, leave for rest of day".

BlackArcher101 · 08-26-2004, 11:36 PM

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."

I have some that are a LOT funnier, but unfortunately, they can't be posted on CP.

Jiggy_12 · 08-26-2004, 11:36 PM

9 jokes in, 1 spot left

Jiggy_12 · 08-27-2004, 12:19 AM

Well it looks like I gotta end this at 9 entries. I wont have access to my home computer for a couple days, so i'll send out the invites now to the winners. just pm me with your email adress and i'll send the invite as soon as I can.

5th place - Calf
4th place - Cowboy
3rd place - BlackArcher101
2nd place - Deelow: If it makes fun of Edmonton or Nedved, its good in my books
1st place - Cowperson: loved it

In case any of these people don't want the invite, the runners up are:

Skyceman
Regulator75
Stuckinchuck - awesome, but heard it before
Nabber - Am I the only one who doesn't get it?