12-02-2014, 02:21 PM
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#1
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Backup Goalie
Join Date: Jul 2008
Exp: 
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Cup Recipe
Apologize if this is a fata but I haven't seen this posted anywhere and I thought it was hilarious.
http://grantland.com/the-triangle/to...-championship/
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ulrith For This Useful Post:
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12-02-2014, 02:22 PM
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#2
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Thunder Bay Ontario
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EE posted this already. It's awesome though.
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Fan of the Flames, where being OK has become OK.
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12-02-2014, 02:24 PM
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#3
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maryland State House, Annapolis
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From the article...
Quote:
33 Reader Comments on “Quick and Easy Stanley Cup Championship”
Chicago Blackhawks: I followed all the directions, and I have to say it really was super easy. In fact, I’ve already made this multiple times. Just wish I’d found this recipe earlier!
Boston Bruins: Same here: This was fantastic! Careful with the salary-cap part, though. If you’re not watching, it can overflow.
Los Angeles Kings: Fantastic recipe. I’m not a huge fan of free agents, so I usually substitute lopsided trade with Columbus, which works just as well.
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Edmonton Oilers: Three to five years? Uh, don’t think so. I’ve had this in the oven for six and it’s not even close to being done.
Philadelphia Flyers: I have a severe allergy to goaltending. Does anyone know of a way to make this dish without it?
Vancouver Canucks: I’ve never been able to get this one to work. Everything always seems fine, but at the very end when I go to serve it, everything crumbles. Then there’s usually a fire.
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Tampa Bay Lightning: I’m pretty sure I made this once, although nobody seems to remember.
Calgary Flames: I remember.
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Edmonton Oilers: Now up to eight years and counting. Not sure why it’s working for everyone else and not me, but it’s definitely not my fault. I think I know a thing or two about cooking!
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Toronto Maple Leafs: Not sure what everyone’s raving about, since I tried this recently and wasn’t impressed. Although I should mention that I didn’t have enough prospects, so I substituted compete level. Also, I couldn’t find the defenseman, so I substituted compete level. And instead of the trading, cheap depth, and free-agency value, I went with compete level. Anyway, the results were terrible. I guess I didn’t use enough compete level.
San Jose Sharks: I‘ve been trying to make this recipe for years, but I always end up choking on it.
Edmonton Oilers: I just realized my oven was unplugged this whole time.
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"Think I'm gonna be the scapegoat for the whole damn machine? Sheeee......."
Last edited by MRCboicgy; 12-02-2014 at 07:44 PM.
Reason: Removed parts of it. Please don't post whole articles.
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The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Senator Clay Davis For This Useful Post:
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12-02-2014, 02:42 PM
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#4
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Section 203
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Quote:
Originally Posted by senator clay davis
from the article...
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fyp
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bingo
Jesus this site these days
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barnet Flame
He just seemed like a very nice person. I loved Squiggy.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dissentowner
I should probably stop posting at this point
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12-02-2014, 02:58 PM
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#5
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First Line Centre
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Deep South
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The whole thing is worth the read to get to the last comment from the Oilers. True laugh out loud moment.
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Much like a sports ticker, you may feel obligated to read this
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The Following User Says Thank You to mrkajz44 For This Useful Post:
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12-02-2014, 04:36 PM
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#6
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Franchise Player
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Calgary Flames recipe:
1. Start with several large spoonfuls of SMART DRAFTING. Continue until your prospect cupboard is full, then allow to bake slowly. Be patient — you can’t rush this part.
(Hint: You may want to try adding one tsp of TANKING to help the process along, assuming you can stand the smell.)
Monahan, Poirier, Klimchuk, Jankowski, Gillies, Baertschi, Granlund, Wotherspoon, Gaudreau, Ferland... 100% TANKING FREE.
2. While you wait for your PROSPECTS to finish baking, assemble your other key ingredients. You will need:
• One FRANCHISE-PLAYER FORWARD, drafted with a top-five pick Bennett
• One NORRIS TROPHY–CALIBER DEFENSEMAN Giordano + Brodie (Anaheim Ducks double Norris modification)
• One GOOD GOALTENDER (If you don’t have a good goaltender available, an ADEQUATE GOALTENDER WHO PEOPLE THINK IS GOOD can also work.) equal parts Ramo and Hiller
Mix together to form a CHAMPIONSHIP CORE, then allow to simmer.
3. When your PROSPECTS are ready, begin slowly adding them to the CHAMPIONSHIP CORE. Go slowly — dumping them all in at once may ruin the dish.
2013 = Monahan, Colborne; 2014 = Gaudreau, Granlund, Ferland, Jooris; 2015 = Poirier, Baertschi, Wotherspoon; 2016 = Jankowski, Gillies, Klimchuk
4. Mix in a few dollops of SMART TRADING.
Russell for a 5th, Colborne for a 4th, Berra for a 2nd...
5. Carefully add one or two helpings of FREE-AGENCY VALUE.
Hiller and Raymond
6. Sprinkle liberally with CHEAP DEPTH GUYS.
Bouma, Byron, Jooris
7. Cook together until you reach the SALARY-CAP CEILING. 
8. Top with one SMART COACH, a dash of GRIT, and a heaping helping of GOOD LUCK, and serve while hot. Suggested drink pairing: champagne.
Hartley. Season with extra Bouma. Serve RED HOT.
TOTAL PREPARATION TIME: three to five years.
Calgary Flames = 2016/17 Stanley Cup Champions.
Edmonton Oilers = still no good.
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12-03-2014, 01:57 AM
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#7
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Franchise Player
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My favourite bit from the article (except for the Oilers’ punchline at the end):
Quote:
Montreal Canadiens: I’ve made this recipe way more than any of you. I could easily do it again if I wanted to, but I just haven’t felt like it recently. Still, it was really great when I used to make it all the time a few decades ago. Would you like me to tell you about it? Let me tell you about it …
[Click to expand comment. 72,000 more words.]
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This, of course, is unrealistic. Get your true Habs fan or alumnus talking about Stanley Cup wins, and nothing on God’s green earth will make him shut up after a measly 72,000 words.
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WARNING: The preceding message may not have been processed in a sarcasm-free facility.
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12-03-2014, 10:14 AM
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#8
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Scoring Winger
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PEI
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My second favorite line:
Philadelphia Flyers: I have a severe allergy to goaltending. Does anyone know of a way to make this dish without it?
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