Got in trouble at work - Did I destroy my reputation or can I recover?

[ChickenPho]

I didnt think my boss would be upset over me changing my invite to the staff golf tourney next month from yes to no. Otherwise, i would not have done it had i known how he was going to react. To put it bluntly, I just dont care about golf, period. That, and Im just not a big fan for staff get togethers (I have to be in the mood for them), especially if theyre not during company hours. Want me to go? Make it during work hours or have it at a venue that interests me.

So I emailed him last weekend saying Im not gonna go anymore because I have family plans that night and I wont have enough time. But i initially said i would go when i got the invite 6 weeks ago (even though i really didnt want to go) but clicked yes because i felt i had no choice. But as it got closer to the date, i got a bit queezy about going cause deep down i knew i didnt want to.

Today he comes to me asking what i got going on that I cant go, and gives me this dead serious look. At first I thought he was being sarcastic, because he can be a lot of times. So because i thought he was being sarcastic, i first replied with an unsure smile and said "are you serioius?" A few secs later i realized that holy crap hes really really upset about this! Hes not playing around, he was downright pissed! Immediately, i just said to myself, oooh this is not good....

So i said that I have a family birthday. Sorry, but family ALWAYS comes first, well before work (i didnt say this to him). I know that may sound bad, but its just where i stand, my family always comes first.

Then he said "well i would really like to see you there" and its a great time to get to know others - your typical run of the mill verbatims. For me, no offense, but at the end of the long work day, i just want to go home, clean up and relax. The day is done, let me relax and enjoy my free time. Am I an inconsiderate ahole for thinking this way?

Then he said that he will even let me go early that day with pay, to let me do my thing, just so i can be at the staff event after for so and so time sharp, and stay the whole 9 rounds for about 4 hours long...which in summary is pretty much my entire night. Being let go early with pay, nice! I was definitely not expecting that!

Do you think he countered with that offer because if i didnt show up, it would hurt his image? Or cause hes just being nice? I have a feeling that because im technicially his assistant (hes a dept manager), that if i dont go it would make him look bad to the owners and other staff. Obviously me going means a lot to him, hence why he kept harping i went. That leads me to asking you this, should ones assistant always attend?

Do you think i should take him up on his offer? Im worried ill look selfish if i do, since i would obviously be putting my family ahead of work. I wont do it if its gonna do more damage. Would you do it?

I appreciate being offered it, but still not happy about being so forced to go to this event. Everyones just going to goof off and drink, its not like awards are gonna be handed out or company reports will be gone over. I dont even drink anyways.

Could i have handled this better? Forsure. But i just dont understand why he was so upset about this. So i said ill still go. I pretty much had no choice.

Should i apologize?

How bad does it look on me for trying to back out?

Do you think i destroyed my reputation?

What can I do now or say to him to deflect some of the negativity and backlash on me? Things are on shaky ground right now and i need to do or say something to put things at ease and make him drop this. I dont see why its such a big deal in the first place.

Sorry for the long read but im just really really worried this destroyed me, he will think less of me and most likely killed my chances of getting a bonus or raise ever.

[JiriHrdina]

OK first - take a deep breath and relax. You didn't destroy your reputation.

Let's get that out of the way.

That being said, relationships are really important at work - they drive careers. I hear you that at the end of a long day - you don't really want to hang out with your boss and co-workers, but those off-site events can really help build team cohesion and improve your relationships. It is a short-term investment for long-term pay off.

It is clearly important to your boss - therefore it is important to you.

Should you take the 2 hours? No.
Should you go to the event? Probably.

If it were me I would figure out how to make other arrangements with your family, explaining the importance of this work event. Then tell your boss that you were able to make other arrangements, and are looking forward to the event - but you will still be working the full day.

Your boss sounds like a bit of a jerk - but that's just based on this one incident. If you have a good relationship already, look at this as an important step inn solidifying it further.

Suck it up and go to the event.

You are well within your rights to put in your 9-5 and go home - but you will probably find that limits your success.

[Tyler]

Doing stuff even though you don't want to do it. Welcome to being a grown up. News at a 11.

[nik-]

I don't know if the boss is really a jerk here. A little strong arm-ish maybe, but I mean if they're putting together a golf outing, and planning around the people who accepted, and you waited 6 weeks to back out ... yeah, I'd be a little annoyed too if I was him.

My advise would be to not take the free time off and go to the golf thing and next time don't accept things on a whim if you hate them.

But no, you didn't damage your reputation, yet

[ExiledFlamesFan]

Lol. You've had a pretty easy life if this is some sort of life crisis.

Unfortunately your career is over. It cannot be salvaged.

Suck it up, be social, hit some golf balls with your coworkers. In a city like Calgary, connections and who you know are very important. Be friendly with your boss and coworkers, these alliances could help you out a lot in the future. Having a beer and playing golf with coworkers is never a bad thing, even if you hate golf and don't drink.

[Ben_in_Canada]

You should go this time.
If you know you don't like an activity or the people involved say no from the beginning, much easier.
As others have said, it's not about the golf, it's about the team building and networking which can be very beneficial to your career.

[AcGold]

Your reputation isn't ruined, my advice would be to try and make an actual connection with this guy. Control your emotions, whether you are in the wrong or he is just a grade A doosh is irrelevant, you have to build a relationship or he'll use you as a lapdog and you'll never get anywhere because it's only natural if there is tension there and no real trust between the two of you.

If I were you I would go to the golf event and make your best effort to have a great time and let your boss know you are a positive to have around at social events. The real issue is saying you would go to something and then backing out, that's a bad precedent to set even if for a legitimate reason. Pretty much every boss and business situation I've been in the boss appreciates reliability as one of the premier traits of a good employee and have gotten raises and promotions over others because I didn't hum and haw about saying yes and showed up when I said I would.

[Finger Cookin]

Just don't go. If it hurts your rep with this boss, find another job.

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by JiriHrdina

OK first - take a deep breath and relax. You didn't destroy your reputation.

Let's get that out of the way.

That being said, relationships are really important at work - they drive careers. I hear you that at the end of a long day - you don't really want to hang out with your boss and co-workers, but those off-site events can really help build team cohesion and improve your relationships. It is a short-term investment for long-term pay off.

It is clearly important to your boss - therefore it is important to you.

Should you take the 2 hours? No.
Should you go to the event? Probably.

If it were me I would figure out how to make other arrangements with your family, explaining the importance of this work event. Then tell your boss that you were able to make other arrangements, and are looking forward to the event - but you will still be working the full day.

Your boss sounds like a bit of a jerk - but that's just based on this one incident. If you have a good relationship already, look at this as an important step inn solidifying it further.

Suck it up and go to the event.

You are well within your rights to put in your 9-5 and go home - but you will probably find that limits your success.

Originally Posted by JiriHrdina

OK first - take a deep breath and relax. You didn't destroy your reputation.

Let's get that out of the way.

That being said, relationships are really important at work - they drive careers. I hear you that at the end of a long day - you don't really want to hang out with your boss and co-workers, but those off-site events can really help build team cohesion and improve your relationships. It is a short-term investment for long-term pay off.

It is clearly important to your boss - therefore it is important to you.

Should you take the 2 hours? No.
Should you go to the event? Probably.

If it were me I would figure out how to make other arrangements with your family, explaining the importance of this work event. Then tell your boss that you were able to make other arrangements, and are looking forward to the event - but you will still be working the full day.

Your boss sounds like a bit of a jerk - but that's just based on this one incident. If you have a good relationship already, look at this as an important step inn solidifying it further.

Suck it up and go to the event.

You are well within your rights to put in your 9-5 and go home - but you will probably find that limits your success.

Thanks for the sound advice.

Thats what i was leaning too as well, dont accept his offer. If i do, it will make me look like i dont care for the company or my role. Agree?

By doing what you offered, saying how i will be working the full day but rearranged plans with family instead, it will lessen the blow.

For the most part my boss is nice but ive noticed that he has a vicious side to him that is apparent every now and then. Its almost like a 180 from his normal personality. I cant say that im a fan of his vicious side, but nothing i can do, it is what it is. Im just learning to handle it and not let it get to me.

Unfrotunately you are probably right, i probably killed my raises in the near future and thats probably the most disheartening thing about this all if my boss cant let this go and holds it as a grudge forever against me.

[JiriHrdina]

I doubt you killed your raises. Don't over think this. Go to the event - have fun - move on.

You could have handled it better yes - but you are worrying about it far too much.

[Arya Stark]

Jeez, he's asking you to go to a golf event for a few hours not move your family to Guatemala for your work.

I do think you're being inconsiderate and overly dramatic. He's asking you for a few hours not to abandon your family. They'll survive a few hours without you.

[Shawnski]

So i said that I have a family birthday.

Is this the truth, or a lie?

[AcGold]

Based on the description I would wager sleep deprivation and stress are a factor here, especially because of the reaction when confronted by the boss. That was a bad reaction, everyone makes mistakes.

[Regulator75]

Is this your first "real" job?

[corporatejay]

Originally Posted by Finger Cookin

Just don't go. If it hurts your rep with this boss, find another job.

This is bad advice.

[JiriHrdina]

Originally Posted by AcGold

Based on the description I would wager sleep deprivation and stress are a factor here, especially because of the reaction when confronted by the boss. That was a bad reaction, everyone makes mistakes.

Or he's relatively young and hasn't had good guidance on how to navigate the corporate waters.
At least he is self-aware to ask for advice.

[Looch City]

Show up drunk.

[Da_Chief]

Pho,

I didn't think you'd discussing our company's matter on a public forum. If you were worried about your reputation before you should really be worried now.

I expect your resignation letter on my desk at 7:15 am tomorrow morning and I still expect to see you at the golf tourny.

Regards,

Your BOSS!

[Bagor]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

That, and Im just not a big fan for staff get togethers (I have to be in the mood for them).

Don't know the exact details but this stood out to me. This is something that you might want to focus on, explore further and address or else I foresee a similar scenario as now in your future.

[topfiverecords]

Sounds like he's hitting on you and he's been waiting for a long time to spend time with you outside of work. Then you said you'd go and he got all excited and told his parents about you. Then you backed out and he went into a depression. Then after a bit he felt he needed to see why you weren't going, to hope you had a good excuse and that it wasn't because you don't like him.

Or he's just a little strange.